Moronic Monday-Beep Beep

Posted on September 27, 2010 by ThePeachy1 in Moronic Mondays

It’s Monday, we can really do nothing about. This is the third consecutive presidency that keeps over looking my motion to remove Mondays from the calendar or at least have them declared part of the weekend in efforts to make them suck a tad less. No one listens to me. I probably am going to have to get elected to a little more than the Green Acres Board of fictitious fun stuff if this is going to go any where people.

So here’s a little story about one of my moronic adventures to make you feel a little better about yourself.

To understand this story you need to know that all through high school my best buddy was an incredibly hot guy named D. Tall, Dark, handsome, funny, artistic, deep. All the girls adored him, most wanted to date him. My family felt I should marry him, this meant 1 thing. I could not even date him. I knew him far too well. He was my best bud, my brother, and even though we went to prom together it was as friends. Fast forward to me being married and living a couple states away and him getting back from his duty in the military.

He stops by for a visit. I don’t keep liquor in the house and said oh, well lets just run to the liquor store and we can make some drinks. It’s around 730pm. I tell my husband we are running to the liquor store and we will be right back.

We hop in D’s Cougar and head to the liquor store. Catching up on old stories and laughs pull in it’s closed. Damn. It’s ok man there’s another one like 2 redlights further west.

Closed. WTH? It’s ok, this place has tons, go 3 redlights west.

Closed? Dude, what is up with this?

Oh wait it’s Sunday? What? Dude? No way?

Yes way? Crap, wait. ok well we can just go like 20 minutes and be in Louisiana and they sell booze 24/7 and even have drive through. So just go west.

Music blaring.. blah blah, remember blah blah, HAHAHAHAH, dude, blah.. ok here we are. Wait. what? how far to Bourbon Street cause I have never been can stop by for just a minute? oh sure but just for a quick tour it’s just like 20 more minutes down the road. I can’t believe you’ve never been? HAHAHAH, BLAH BLAH.. dude hahah.. blah blah reminds me of blah blah.. West Palm Beach, blah blah… Mike blah blah..

next thing I hear is

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP. Followed by

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK. I open my eyes to see a man looking in the car window he’s wearing a uniform, he looks pissed. My head hurts.

BEEP BEEP BEEP.

Mama. YOU NEED TO MOVE YOUR CAR NOW!

I sit up and realize that he is a garbage man, I am sprawled out sleeping in the drivers seat behind a convenient store someone in what I am guessing is the united states by a dumpster and the garbage man with the very loud beeping vehicle wants me to move the car that is not mine. I am very hot as the windows are rolled up. There are no keys in the car. It is not my car. I look around. Ah there’s D in the back seat. I punch him in the face to wake him up.

Dude give me the keys.

Just like old times man.

So if you don’t wake up in another state sweating alcohol from every pore on your body in a car that is not yours next to a dumpster behind a store you have never been to with a pissed off garbage man beating on your window there is a good chance your Monday might be a tad better than my Monday. Go forth and kick monday in the throat y’all.

XO

PEACH OUT

ps- This happened about 22 years ago and does not involve my current adorable husband, it involves the previous icky husband. there were no friends or husbands injured during the making of this post. we have no clue how we ended up parked next the dumpster probably alien abduction, not really sure.

Fun with Facebook Friends – The dork of Mork

Posted on September 23, 2010 by ThePeachy1 in FaceBook Fun

Yep it’s that time of the week where I pull a random post straight off my facebook account and share it with you. Remember if your facebook doesn’t look like my facebook you need way cooler friends feel free to join us.

Recently, a few of the posts I pulled each had over 100 comments. One was about me taking a shower, and one was about my cat suing me. So the past couple weeks I have pulled shorter ones for your viewing pleasure. Lets not forget the one about the Klondike bar. Not that anyone could think it was ok to put a StarFleet Captain in a speedo but I did and it’s there so get therapy if that didn’t pretty much make you freak out and running screaming towards the haz mat shower and eye rinse station then this weeks surely will.

You need to know I love netflix, a lot. As in pretty much every day and late at night I have something streaming. However Netflix injured me and it was such an affront to my personage that I had to scream it from the top of my facebook status.

fun with facebook friends, netflix, robin williams penis,

Please notice I didn't share the name of the movie or a link, you are welcome.

robin williams, man junk, fun with facebook friends, epic asshattedness, being peachy

this is called peer pressure and totally not acceptable

robin williams, full monty, fun with facebook friends, status messages

I am not feeling a lot of love, support and sympathy here folks.

no need to see this people just keep walking, robin williams penis, being peachy, the peachy1

nothing to see here people, just keep walking..

netflix attacked me, it made me see robin williams penis.

There is something seriously wrong with Hollywood.

So there it is. I was obviously assaulted by Robin Williams penis in broad daylight by netflix.

If you don’t know me, that might sound wierd. If you do know me, well then that might be the most sane thing I say today.

Join us over on Facebook you too can be attacked by Morks Dork.

xo

PEACH OUT

** No peni ( is that the plural for penis?) were harmed during the making of this post, however, this probably prevented any possible sexy time from happening until we get some therapy.*

WTH Wednesday- Marketing People

Posted on September 22, 2010 by ThePeachy1 in It's Juicy

An open letter to marketing people.

Dear Marketing People,

Hi thanks so much for contacting me via email and more recently by phone. I really do appreciate the fact that you somehow found little old me in this great big world. I would say it was destiny but chances are you already hit up about a couple thousand bloggers in the hopes that at least 1/2 would be interested. That makes it a lot less like destiny and a heck of a lot more like flinging shit on a wall and seeing what sticks.

Here’s the issue. I would really love a great sponsor ( or even 5) but the truth behind it all is, I write for me. I write for the people who enjoy what I write. I probably don’t fit in any of your categories, or niche markets of “mommy blogger”, or “political blogger” or anything other than just me, making it through this awesome crazy ride called life and laughing every chance I get.

One example would be when you asked me to add a recipe forum, so I could “conveniently” publish your pre written content and slap it up there with my name behind it. I am really not that blogger, there are obviously boatloads out there that will, but this is not the blog your looking for. Also no need to hit me up with the offer of diaper coupons for my readers. The issue is. My oldest kid is 21 and in college and my youngest is only 9 but thanks to my awesome parenting skill he has been out of diapers for quite some time. In fact the reality of it all is I will probably need adult diapers before I need a baby diaper again.

I do however applaud the tenacity of the gentleman named “Rick” who called me over 8 times and then sent twice as many emails stating he was trying to reach me. Once I finally did speak to Rick I thought it was so awesome how he thought I would be somehow honored that 4 of my sites had been chosen but he had to exclude 2, and so delicately offered that if I would consider changing my topics on the others that he would review them again. I was so impressed with the way he spoke to me. Almost like he was doing me a favor. Unfortunately for Rick, it reminded me of that cocky guy in a bar who thinks he will rock your world so hard but you know you would rather kneel on raw rice and lick a razor blade then be with him. That guy always finds the girls that aren’t quite complete, that feel they should give it away in the hopes they will be found worthy.

Rick, dude, I am so not that girl honey.

Do not get me wrong. If I like a product or a service I will write in my own words about it, whether there is compensation or not and I will fully disclose that fact. Sadly I also do this weird thing called truth. I know it’s a pretty foreign concept but here’s how it works for me.

A famous TV personality ( or probably their marketing team) sent me some dog food to ” try”. Since I don’t eat dog food ( yet) I offered it to my dogs. Downside my dogs do not type. So I took pictures of them in what appeared to be a torture session of me trying to make them eat this dog food. They refused. I wrote about it. Blaming my dogs and their obvious lack of taste and class rather than your product. Everyone got it. Not everyone liked it, especially the people that sent me the dog food that I didn’t ask for anyway.

If you actually read my blog, and understand it, then by all means lets open up a discussion regarding a marketing agreement. But please be advised that even though the economy is shit, and I could really use the bucks or product I am not that chick in high school who will bang you in the back seat because I am so empty without you.

I have a worth. More over, my readers have a worth, so I am not going to push crap product or crap sponsors on them.

Yes I have some google ads on my site, but only a cave dwelling butt monkey would confuse those with my writing, ( ** sidenote** To the 3 people that clicked on those ads in the past 5 months THANKS I am nearing enough to purchase a pack of bubble gum I have been coveting! )

I am not the most famous blogger on the web far from it darling, probably not even in the top 3,500, it’s worse than that, I am the poor chick thats standing in the corner cuddling her integrity and telling the cocky dude to move along. I am sure you can find other girls willing to pimp your stuff at any cost including their own pride, famous or non famous. They can do that, it’s their name and their blog that makes it their chocie. As for me, I am ok with who I am and what I write.

xo

PEACH OUT

PS- not even my husband gets to put words in my mouth.