this is a pin being dropped
this is a tree falling in an empty forrest
this is a feather floating to earth
this is a test
PEACH OUT
silence or a sound?
Cure for leg cramps, or how I spent my Friday night
What’s up you sexy people? Just happened to pop in to amend one of my many Life Manuals, ( like how to get in a low speed police chase, or what to do when you deep fry your hand, typical stuff really) if you know me. If you don’t know me, well, how you have ended up here and oh yeah, I’m not an athlete, so if you came here for some gym related/work out muscle recovery type advice. Let me save you time. I ain’t your girl. I’m more of a walking talking breathing Public Service Announcement of what not to do in any situation. Basically a real life example of Murphys law in action.
Last night ( Friday night/Saturday morning), somehow the stars aligned right and I was granted the rare gift of sleep. But like mothers day when you have a kid in 3rd grade, the gift probably isn’t going be that great. I’m now roughly 22 hours post incident. Still awake due to effects of said incident, and thought I would go ahead and make sure this manual is out there and updated. Because anytime I’m heavily medicated it seems like the precise moment I should publish something on the internet. No problem, you are welcome.
So there I was last night, just minding my own business, in a rare moment of blissful sleep and around 210am, and from no where POW SCHMACK ARG left calf is now a solid flaming mass of excruciating pain.
Emergency protocol initiated:
1- wake up.
2- jerk immediately into well known, ” OMG LEG CRAMP”, fetal position where you grab your leg on either end of the cramp until muster the gusto to push/pull/punch the cramp out.
3- scream, ” FLEX THE FOOT, POINT THE TOES, NO NO FLEX THE FOOT !!” but to the human ear it sounded like, “OMG SAVE ME HELP HELP HELP PLEASE HELP CUT MY LEG OFF CALL AN AMBULANCE.” or it would have, if any human ear other than my own could have heard it, as my family slept peaceful in their beds far from earshot of my gut wrenching screams.
4- Toddler tantrum slam my torso back into my standard 973 pillows during apex of pain,
5- instant karma- dislocates the knee on the SAME leg in which the never ending dreadful horribly painful muscle cramps are happening to induce a unique symphony of pain so deafening that your only thought is. GET HELP
6- Get help- well, you know everyone is sleeping so just use technology and text them something like, “NE1 awake?” because your body does so much crazy stuff all the time why would you wake them for something like “pains of death”
7- cry and scream alone for 15 -20, flip flop between grabbing the cramp, massaging it,but not moving the leg because of the dislocated knee, cry, scream, grabbing the foot, flexing the foot, and checking your phone to see that indeed, NO one is awake so you and your cramped up leg and dislocated knee are own your own, like Tom Hanks in Castaway.
8-make the command decision that you will roll your body out of bed and to the floor like Laura Croft from Tomb Raider, but actually hit the floor like a screaming burrito that has been soaked in a bowl of water for a few days.
9-using your new genius status achieved only thru this level of pain you have decided that if you simply get your leg in water everything will be fine and you will go back to bed.
10- facedown on the floor do some super power Promethean board in your head with numbers and angles and flip the pages of a non existent anatomy book in your minds eye and decide you can get your knee back in place if you attempt push it against the floor at the right angle, a) attempt every angle known to man while crying and screaming, b) invent new angles while crying and screaming c) remind yourself not to pass out because no one will even find your body until tomorrow at dinner time.
11- breath deep, wipe your nose on the carpet, if no one can hear you scream they can’t see you, so it’s like it never happened. put your cell phone in your mouth and crawl to the bathroom. a) remember a news story or video or article you read about how phones are more germ infested than a public toilet and gag, while you simultaneously cry and scream and snot, and oh yeah breath deep.
12-feel a pop in your knee and pain level goes from being set on fire to sticking your tongue in an electrical outlet. ahh success
13- immediately remember what started all this is that it feels like the rubber band that runs from your foot to your spine has been drawn back by an expert archer on a long bow.
14-begin your crawl to the tub. the pain inspired genius center of your brain is telling you that hot water will save you, if you can get to it. keep your snotty phone in your mouth in the event of a real emergency, plus it muffles your screams no one can hear.
15-reach the bathtub. in a sarcastic tone ask the pain inspired genius center of how you are supposed to get into the tub when your can’t stand up?
16-Pain inspired genius center of brain has decided it’s had enough of your attitude. You and your snotty phone are on your own.
17- Non genius center of your brain steps up, got your back ! Hey post something non descriptive on facebook maybe one of the 3 people in your house are awake, translate your vague booking into an actual plea for help, become a Doctor before they come downstairs and save you. Sounds legit ( see posts from around 3am yesterday for example on how to vague book for help during an emergency)
18- do your best impression of python, in your head they can slither up and then back down the side of anything, that’s how you get in the tub without legs, you’ve seen videos ! Attempt it. flop into tub like an injured walrus falling off a skateboard.
19- take a moment to be grateful for little things; your kids smiles, hugs, the
fact your tub has a smooth rounded interior so your body just sort of sloshes up the sides and back down again. There is hot water, no one is showering or bathing, since everyone is and has been peacefully asleep except you, and you’re not doing laundry because you too were blissfully asleep just an agonizing 33 minutes and 14 feet ago.
20- hot water does help with cramp in calf. wow that hurt, still residual pain in the calf, knee isn’t feeling skippy either. OMG hot water is running out, OMG shivering. OMG. must get out of tub NOW. HOW?
21- you will probably be better at the snake imitation thing the second time around, like channel it or something. see the snake, be the snake. OK. NOPE. this time you were a sea turtle wrecking a vespa, you wiped out, you are spinning, falling, road rash, curb OMG. OK. the tile/grout floor is not like the inside of a tub, and that curb was the huge rectangle box thing on a laptop battery because everyone has a laptop cord stretched across their bathroom floor right? right? OMG don’t judge me right now people ! I’m in so much pain ! I just smashed my wet shivering spine into a laptop battery after doing the ninja turtle break dance spin on your back move across my bathroom floor.
22-rethink parenting priorities because the only small comfort in your survivor life right now is that your injured, wet, cold self is laying on the dirty clothes your child left on the floor. again.
23- wipe your nose on their clothes because, no one is here to see it, and well you have told them to not leave their clothes on the floor a million times, plus I bet if it was one of their friends somebody in this house would have answered that text before the sending phone kicked into power save mode.
24- drag your body back to your bed, flop into it like a penguin because you have injured ever part of your body
25- spend the night in damp sheets withe dog hair and candy wrappers stuck to various parts of you because you drug yourself across the floor wet at 5am all because of a stupid leg cramp.
and that my friends is just one of the plethora of reasons you should feel so much better about yourself.
I’m just Being Peachy, even when I’m a falling apart moron. Take care my friends.
PEACH OUT
XOXO
Remembering the Remarkable
THIS IS NOT A SPONSORED POST * THIS POST IS COMPLETELY UNSOLICITED
and 100% ALL ME.
If you know me, you know that I’m not about the fluff and not about the “jump on the bus” mentality. So take it as my word, and if it applies to you, thank me later, if not, keep looking.
I am medically known as a zebra, believe it or not this is actually relevant to this post and I will try to keep it short. For those of you that don’t know what a medical Zebra is, CONGRATS chances are you don’t have 50 kazillion rare or weird medical issues, but this post is STILL for you, and those of you who are fellow zebras, sorry I feel your pain, *fist bump*, I hope this post can HELP you. In the list of glorious diagnosis that make me a zebra: I have had a headache since April of 2007 thanks to Chiari, I have muscle and joint issues, stomach issues, balance, memory, sometimes vision/hearing, nerve issues in my limbs and memory, oh wait, see told you memory. There’s a lot more but that’s enough to give you the general idea I’m basically a (sometimes) walking, often falling, hot mess. But I’m a grateful hot mess, and I have a fantastical life I wouldn’t trade for anything, and I do LOVE waking up on this side of the dirt daily, even though some of the days I find it monumental to just drag my body out of the bed.
Like anyone with a pulse I love free stuff. But I am coupon disabled, and hate spam so I never ever ever (did I say never) click on sample, or link or coupon or contest. I know my limits, and I already beat the odds by breathing, so I’m pretty sure I wont win anything else, I used up my luck with healthy kids, a great husband, and finding amazing Dr’s to keep me out of the beautiful vase on the mantel.
I have a facebook friend named Nicole, I have watched her evolve in her profession and personal life over the past few years via the internet. So when Nicole posted that she had some samples of Essential Oils and would send them out if anyone wanted one. I knew it wasn’t a scam and instantly yelled ” ME ME ME !!!” Then I had to ask her what I had asked for, I’m cool like that.
I was unfamiliar with the entire want/need/purpose of essential oils. I bake, I make chocolate, I do computers, I live in the south. There are oils in my world. Motor Oil, Cooking Oil, and Baby Oil. Nicole is awesome, and she gave me the link so I could read about the Essential Oils and their purpose and use. Then we had a long conversation, that was my fault because I was super excited.
Once she explained the purpose of essential oils, and the different uses for a wide variety of reasons, it hit me like a bus. I remembered my great grandmother, with her hankies, and the peppermint oil to lay on our chests and dab on our feet if we felt less than perfect, the drops of lavender in the evening tub, then always on a beautiful little hankie and slipped into our pillow cases, the way she would slip a hankie with a little citrus into our suitcases so when we traveled we were energized. When the winter cold and sadness would creep in, my beautiful soft spoken great grandmother would slip away and return with an oil to rub our hands as she would listen to our woes. She had played piano in the silent movie theaters in her younger years, and had these long beautiful fingers, but by her late 80’s arthritis was trying to twist them, she kept her agility and wouldn’t let arthritis claim her body by her special mixture of oils she blended with lotion to use on her hands. I had somehow forgotten all those things, they had been pushed to the back of my brain filled with movie trivia, and song lyrics, and computer passwords, all the things that filled my brain since she passed so many decades ago. But as a mom for 26 years I did turn to “old tricks” from time to time, like peppermint in water to settle a babies stomach, and lavender scented baby wash to calm them for the night.
How did this amazing knowledge get lost in just 3 generations. My great grandmother passed in the 70’s. Pharmaceutical treatments have boomed since then and we all know how that is a next level crazy multi kazillion dollar market. When I tell you we pay thru the nose to have 2 insurances just so I can see the Dr’s I need to see and be able to buy ramen noodles and my prescriptions I am not kidding. It’s a rough world, we have been able to cure so much, correct so much, prolong life, and so many amazing things. I am lucky enough to have ridiculously genius Drs who also respect my right to try anything else first, before adding yet another pill into my routine of the dozen or more I already have to take. Not all Drs support this idea, and if you look at someone on more than 5 medications daily, you will see that over time other medications must be added to just treat the side effects of the other ones they need to survive. It’s great we can do this, but we lost a bit, didn’t we? Remember if you are here, and you are reading this, your genetics are awesome even if they appear jacked up. Because in your not to distant history every one of us has family members that knew NOT to eat poison, how to treat their own problems, and basically were tough as nails to survive. Not only the midevil ages, but just a couple generations ago. Horse to town, 1 Dr with natural cures, no power, no water, no vitamins, no walmart, no gas station, hard life, hard hard life. But if you are here, that means your ancestors were incredible, even without Ambien, ibprofin, orajel, lyrica, phenegren, antibotics and the slew of other medications prescribed 10 thousand times a day across our country. Does this mean you shouldn’t take your prescribed medication? NO NO NO NO NO NO NO and NO. Duh. That’s between you and your Dr. and honestly your ancestors probably would have lived longer, stronger lives with the medications we have access to now. My point is that maybe if we combined what they knew with what the Drs and pharmacist know now, just imagine how incredible it could be. It’s just my theory. I’m not a Dr, Nurse, pharmacist or anything that requires higher knowledge. I’m just a woman who just realized that her great grandmother from the 1800’s was on to something.
I received my samples from Nicole. I had a little lavender and a drop or 2 of lemon and the same with the peppermint. That evening, I put a little lavender in my tub, and in what would probably be considered blasphemy to any lady I grabbed a clean solo sock. ( solo socks are the name for the surviving sock when it’s mate runs off to sock heaven or a parallel universe) I put a little lavender on it, and shoved it in my pillow case and then put a drop on my sleep mask. ( don’t judge me and my sleep mask, I need everything in my favor to even attempt getting to sleep let alone staying asleep for more than 2 hours). Here’s a really really incredibly HOT picture of me in my awesome sleep mask at my friends Angie and Arts house in Florida.
Very Sexy I know. Also big Thanks to my “friends” Art and Angela I still love you a little bit.
So the next day I felt ok, so I did it again the next night, and again, I rested. So I have been doing this every night. Let me explain, sleeping is an Olympic event for me. I have done everything to achieve the ever elusive sleep. With the help of Dr’s and medication I can achieve sleep ( sometimes). I am super grateful for that, however, sleep is not rest, or relaxing. Often I don’t get through the night leaving me stuck in a state of longing for rest. So the fact that I have consistently achieved relaxation and rest and sleep every night is ground breaking.
I can’t even adequately explain what actual rest has done for my productivity. For the first time in years I am going full speed, 24/7. Something I was told would be nothing but a fading memory for the last 5 years.
Now this isn’t Dr Fabulous Miracle Oil. I’m not saying that it’s going to make you rich or cure your every worry. I am saying that so far it’s really helping me achieve relaxation and rest in combination with my regular medical and behavior routines.
The downfall. With having rest and the energy to run 24/7 for the very first time since 2009, my body has said, “slow it down”. I’ve had a lot of procedures in the past couple of years. A LOT. As in over 20. I have also done physical therapy for a couple years to help my balance, my gait, and mobility issues, not to mention all the nerve and pain. My body has a routine. If I leave my house on a Monday, Monday night I wont sleep, I will be in pain, and the next day I can do nothing, not a thing, even something simple like the dishes. It’s been that way for 5 years now. No matter how much I try to push through I am fighting my own body. So running full speed leaving my house every day, thinking, walking, driving, I keep waiting to hit the wall, and I knew it was coming, so I tried to thwart it, keep it at bay, not let it win. But BAM !
So I took the precious drops of the Peppermint Essential Oil and I massaged it into my feet and hands, I took my Lemon Essential Oil and placed a drop in my water, a drop in the diffuser next to my chair and then a dab behind each ear, then rubbed a little into my throat.
You guys, I’m here, I am writing this post, unsolicited, because I can not even believe the difference. Am I NOT jumping up and dusting the ceilings or painting the house, no, certainly not, far from it. But I am not moaning with every twitch and choosing to go without lunch because I can’t get past the pain to move myself into the kitchen.
Let’s clarify here, I am using these fantastic high quality essential oils in addition to my regular prescribed medications. It’s only been about a week, and only the smallest drops of these Essential Oils, but I can see a difference in my body, and I need to share that in case it makes a positive difference for someone else.
Remember this is an unsolicited personal post from ME, my point of view and MY results, I am not paid nor compensated for this post, Nicole herself doesn’t know about this post and will only find out one I publish and share the link to her wall on Facebook. So right now I need to say, Thank you, Thank you so much Nicole for telling us about these doTerra Essential Oils. I will bake cookies today, and everyone who takes a bite will be thanking you.
xo
PEACH OUT
If you want to find out more about these essential oils from doTerra please visit this link to Nicoles doTerra site.