It’s Monday, we can really do nothing about. This is the third consecutive presidency that keeps over looking my motion to remove Mondays from the calendar or at least have them declared part of the weekend in efforts to make them suck a tad less. No one listens to me. I probably am going to have to get elected to a little more than the Green Acres Board of fictitious fun stuff if this is going to go any where people.
So here’s a little story about one of my moronic adventures to make you feel a little better about yourself.
To understand this story you need to know that all through high school my best buddy was an incredibly hot guy named D. Tall, Dark, handsome, funny, artistic, deep. All the girls adored him, most wanted to date him. My family felt I should marry him, this meant 1 thing. I could not even date him. I knew him far too well. He was my best bud, my brother, and even though we went to prom together it was as friends. Fast forward to me being married and living a couple states away and him getting back from his duty in the military.
He stops by for a visit. I don’t keep liquor in the house and said oh, well lets just run to the liquor store and we can make some drinks. It’s around 730pm. I tell my husband we are running to the liquor store and we will be right back.
We hop in D’s Cougar and head to the liquor store. Catching up on old stories and laughs pull in it’s closed. Damn. It’s ok man there’s another one like 2 redlights further west.
Closed. WTH? It’s ok, this place has tons, go 3 redlights west.
Closed? Dude, what is up with this?
Oh wait it’s Sunday? What? Dude? No way?
Yes way? Crap, wait. ok well we can just go like 20 minutes and be in Louisiana and they sell booze 24/7 and even have drive through. So just go west.
Music blaring.. blah blah, remember blah blah, HAHAHAHAH, dude, blah.. ok here we are. Wait. what? how far to Bourbon Street cause I have never been can stop by for just a minute? oh sure but just for a quick tour it’s just like 20 more minutes down the road. I can’t believe you’ve never been? HAHAHAH, BLAH BLAH.. dude hahah.. blah blah reminds me of blah blah.. West Palm Beach, blah blah… Mike blah blah..
next thing I hear is
BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP. Followed by
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK. I open my eyes to see a man looking in the car window he’s wearing a uniform, he looks pissed. My head hurts.
BEEP BEEP BEEP.
Mama. YOU NEED TO MOVE YOUR CAR NOW!
I sit up and realize that he is a garbage man, I am sprawled out sleeping in the drivers seat behind a convenient store someone in what I am guessing is the united states by a dumpster and the garbage man with the very loud beeping vehicle wants me to move the car that is not mine. I am very hot as the windows are rolled up. There are no keys in the car. It is not my car. I look around. Ah there’s D in the back seat. I punch him in the face to wake him up.
Dude give me the keys.
Just like old times man.
So if you don’t wake up in another state sweating alcohol from every pore on your body in a car that is not yours next to a dumpster behind a store you have never been to with a pissed off garbage man beating on your window there is a good chance your Monday might be a tad better than my Monday. Go forth and kick monday in the throat y’all.
ps- This happened about 22 years ago and does not involve my current adorable husband, it involves the previous icky husband. there were no friends or husbands injured during the making of this post. we have no clue how we ended up parked next the dumpster probably alien abduction, not really sure.
That is hilarious.
Oh my goodness that is too funny. I have a very similar story about D coming to visit me in Gainesville when I was in college. There was a lot of Jagermeister involved. Of course, D’s brother was my high school BFF. Funny…he and I went to prom together as just friends, too. 😉
The K Brothers were indeed the best friends a girl could have. We are lucky gals indeed my friend.
I have two dreams in life. One is to duct tape myself to a bridge during a category 4 hurricane…and the other is to wake up next to a dumpster in New Orleans. Preferably during the same trip.
Any advise would be appreciated!
Ron. You have definitely set your goals super high. It’s super hard to catch a Cat 4 in New Orleans. Also super hard to find a Dumpster to park near in New Orleans. You would have better luck Catching a Cat 4 in the Keys and a dumpster in Slidel. Because you just can’t drive through a lot of New Orleans and you will probably get stabbed/robbed combo if you did find a place to sleep. A road trip that would cover this could be done but proper timing would be key, unless you don’t have a job, and are free during hurricane season and willing to strip or do street magic/read palms for gas money. Then we could probably just road trip and chase hurricanes, which isn’t really as exhilarating as Tornado chasing like they do in Kansas and Oklahoma, hey wait, are your goals set in stone? Since I have already done the ones you list, can we switch them up and do the tornado chasing thing, I have never seen a flying cow? Let me know.
See, that’s what I’m talking about, advise that is. The way I had it figured, the blackout and my calculations (trying to be scientific) would have started in Chicago and ended in New Orleans, but with your help, I now know I would never be able to find a hurricane in the ‘Windy City’ as was my thinking.
As for flying cows, you betcha on the tornadoes. There’s nothing like bovine hurtling around, being pelted by Fridgedaires and Toto, to make a man want to settle down in a double wide.
saweet it’s on. dumping my kids school work out of his back pack and loading it with yoga pants spiral notebooks and ball caps. woo hoo.. meet me at the circle K.
LOL!! This gave me a much needed laugh.