Tell It Tuesday- Non Advice

Posted on October 12, 2010 by ThePeachy1 in Peachy Advice

Tell it Tuesday My NON advice column on BeingPeachy

Please be advised that I have NO expertise ( despite what the massive spam on my site that I block says). Except I remain in the top listing in google for the search term ” epic asshattedness” NOT MAKING THIS UP. Google it. (now I rank for “robin willimas man junk” I am so proud.) Yes you can sit at my table during lunch, because I love you.

So if you send in your question, which you’re totally welcome to do, to beingpeachy@gmail.com, PULEEZE for the love of baby cheeses know that your advice is coming from someone who is known for “epic asshattedness”.

Dear Peachy1;

I know you write a lot about crappy kids, and tell parents to be hard on them. I am one of those kids. I’m 17 it’s my Senior year of HS. I have worked at a local chicken restaurant for over a year and saved up to buy a used POS. I didn’t get a class ring, I have never had a yearbook. I probably wont be going to prom either. The issue is my Mom is a wreck. My stepdad took off, and I have never heard from my real dad. I feel guilty about thinking of going off to college if I can get grants or scholarships. I know my mom’s world will crumble. She’s not a bad person she has just had some bad luck. I don’t want to be stuck in this town working at a chicken joint the rest of my life. I want to go to college, have fun, learn things but I worry about my Mom. What should I do.

signed,

Clipped Wings

Dear Clipped Wings- Ok first off, you are NOT one of those crappy kids I write about. I joke about over indulged spoiled disconnected kids who feel entitled to the world. You honey, you are the opposite. I know you love your mom. I know very little about this situation but I can tell that you are being the caregiver in this relationship. No child deserves that, but many have to fill those shoes in this world. Here’s the issue. Your mom, and her problems are not yours. This is so much easier said then felt. You deserve the right to be a teen and a young adult, enjoying those things, spreading your wings and bettering yourself. First step would be talking with your mom about this and your concern for her well being as you prepare to move on. I am not a professional, but I do suggest that you get your mom in to see one, this will help her become prepared for when you do leave. Also you should talk to someone maybe a school counselor or a religious or spiritual person that you know like a pastor or priest. I can’t speak for everyone but I found in my life, the kids who were forced due to situations to be the caregiver often end up spending their lives trying to slip on their superman cape and save the world. So busy helping others and solving their problems that you don’t have a second to enjoy your own life. You deserve to succeed or fail on your own terms and learn from each experience. It is wonderful that you care for your mom and you will never stop, but you do have the right to have your own happiness. Good luck on your journey. xo- ThePeachy1

Dearest Peaches,

What do I have to do to get in your good graces. I see everyone talking on your facebook and twitter and I want to jump in but I am afraid you will banish me. I tweeted you once but you never answered.

Your #1 Fan

Dear “Your #1 Fan”- you had me at “what do I have to do”. Please know that if my tweetdeck is down I can’t use twitter worth a crap because I get lost in the feed, so we will blame tweetdeck for me not answering you because we all know I am super cool nice and try hard to answer everyone on FB, twitter and Gmail. Also I know this is you Brendan Fraser, don’t be coy. On the off chance it’s not really you Brendan, then might I suggest, baked goods, cheesecake, vodka and or jewelry, I am super responsive to those things. xo- ThePeachy1

Hey Peach-

I don’t give a shit about politics, religion, or the economy. I couldn’t careless about peoples exercise, petty problems, four square check in’s, or recycling efforts. If I have to look at another stupid pet ( with or without a cruel costume), or another ugly baby I am probably going to pull out my own eyes. If I watch one more person post their relationship status, or vacation pictures I may buy a ticket to someplace cold in efforts to club a baby seal. Any advice on how to not go insane listening to this drivel.

signed

I don’t really care.

Dear ” I don’t really care”- I am not seeing a problem here. But if you do, might I suggest a cave or deserted island. If neither of those are possible you might want to try getting off the internet. Or you could just post your real name after what you sent me and I am sure those bothersome people who consider you a friend will trickle down a tad. If you are a chick you could have PMS, or just be a bitch. Not that it’s a bad thing, everyone has a day or 2 like this, but you if you find yourself feeling this way ALL the time, I suggest you unplug yourself from social media for a while and take up painting, or baking. Then mail it to me. xo- ThePeachy1

That’s it my lovelies.. Take care and feel free to send in any questions you might need non advice for. The general rule is 3 a week every Tuesday. BEINGPEACHY@GMAIL.COM

xo

PEACH OUT

Moronic Monday- Code Name – NONE

Posted on October 11, 2010 by ThePeachy1 in It's Juicy

Hey guys, it’s Monday I am back. Woo hoo right? Yeah I know. But I had to be out a couple days last week and some awesome people stepped up and covered my butt like Granny Panties. I wrote a weekend post dedication to them. There were also a lot of people that tweeted me or mailed me to check on me and I thank each of them. But I had to bolt out real quick and I promised to tell you why so here it goes.

If you know any of my friends on the web they tend to say things that would get you slapped on a watch list. Watch list means you watch while Homeland Security drags all your electronic devices out the front door. I mean look at this college kid that found the FBI tracking device on his car last week. He was born in this country, what would they and can they do to me, being born in Thailand.

So you can imagine the amount of sphincter tightening I experienced when I received this in my email on Wednesday.

fbi, homeland security, email, spam, friends, thepeachy1, being peachy

That's my code name ( shhh)

Even though my filter hinted it may be spam, I am sure spam is the codename for the mission ( my code name none) I am needed for.

I realize the world has taken a dive along the lines of customer service, responsibility and all that but I was really pissed to find out the FBI couldn’t afford spell check.

FBI emails me, ThePeachy1, and it has typos.

this looks official I mean with the Photo shop patriotic thingy and all.

The email is supper official and goes on to tell me that I won a shit ton ( that’s 10 million) of lotto money in a country whose name rhymes with Myjeria. But wouldn’t you know it, when the FBI needs me, my family screws it up. Apparently a relative ( I am totally on to you 11 year old nephew and your little dog) tried to claim my money by pretending they were me. Wouldn’t you know it? The email then included a photo of an American Passport for a guy named F Moss who tried to steal my millions posing as me. Which is really in poor taste since I am a chick.

I knew the FBI needed my help with operation Spam, so I had to think outside the box to try and figure out what it all meant. The entire email is a code. I found all of the 38 words that were wrong with the email . Price was used instead of prize, is instead of are, and your instead of you’re. I took all those words and assigned numbers to each letter in every wrong word. Then by simply using the prime numbers and then turning them into hex I was able to decipher the message.

Green.

This means money ( or salad) people. I re-read the email in true form and it says to send $350 in a western union money order to an address. But I know they just want me to go lay in the grass ( which is green) and wait for my money.

So I spent Wednesday , Thursday, and Friday working on project spam under the code name none.

I always get pulled for these types of things ( like Jury Duty or class mom), and honestly I can’t go into more detail at this time. You know, for national security reasons.

So go forth and kick Monday in the throat. work/play/eat in the confidence that I am totally working with the FBI for the betterment of our country and the world.

xo

PEACH OUT !

ps- nearly every detail in this post is fictional, other than I really did get a spam from people pretending to be the FBI and it was poorly spelled and they said I won money and needed to send them some.

pss- this is not actually what I was doing. I had some personal business to attend to.

psss- this message will self destruct in 23 hours ( unless you leave a comment).

Not enough words

Posted on October 9, 2010 by ThePeachy1 in It's Juicy

Hi guys, it’s me. Yep, ThePeachy1. As you may have noticed ~~or probably not~~ I have been a little absent. I had some super secret stuff to tend to I will fill you all in with as much detail as I can next week. But you know I am an avid supporter of not posting on the weekend. ~~because I am lazy.~~ ( only for me- I like for other people to post because it gives me stuff to read when I can’t sleep)

To be honest Tuesday and Wednesday were seriously a blur here and by Wednesday night I knew I was probably going to have to disappear like the loch ness monster during tourist season.

At 10:09pm CST on Wednesday I sent an email on Facebook to 4 people who have never met me. Yes they are bloggers. Yes they are funny and yes I consider them my friends. I told them I had to bolt, no explanation, no questions were asked. Within 5 minutes they had it covered, and within a few hours everyone of them responded. They stepped in and covered 2 blogs for 2 days. 4 Posts for me, 4 Posts for you. This isn’t the typical “while you’re at the store would you mind getting me some butter?” type favor people. This is would you mind sharing a piece of you, your writing, yourself on my spot on the internet for my readers without any warning.

So I put aside my stance of refusing to work on the weekends to because it causes global warming FACT ! (Save the polar bears y’all)

I have to dedicate every internet magic sparkle I have to the people who stepped in, stepped up and covered my ass like granny panties. ( Holly I think this earns you the right to any organ I have more than 1 of since this is the eleventy kabillinth time.)

I would love to send them all exotic ~~dancers~~ flowers, chocolates, home made cookies, cheesecake, and ~~vodka~~ fine wine. But I have none of that. So I give them my most sincere appreciation and gratitude. Last time I checked they weren’t accepting gratituted as a form of payment at the power company so if you lovely readers would hop over and check them out, you will more than likely fall in love and ~~stalk~~ follow them just like me.

The Infamous #Sybil to my #Eve Good Golly Miss Holly over at MidWesternMamah

and

The Mysterious Miley- often confused but quite confident and a closet grammar cop.

I spent hours looking for songs on the internet that said thank you. You know what I found out? You get golden girls, sarcasm or a hidden love song, and although I love them madly it didn’t get my point across appropriately of just how much I appreciate what friends will do for each other.

Then I found this. And it was perfect.

I also made the ladies this

my friends covered my ass like granny panties

Now that's serious coverage people.

I hope you all have a splendiferous weekend !