Please be advised that I have NO expertise ( despite what the massive spam on my site that I block says). Except I remain in the top listing in google for the search term ” epic asshattedness” NOT MAKING THIS UP. Google it. (now I rank for “robin willimas man junk” I am so proud.) Yes you can sit at my table during lunch, because I love you.
So if you send in your question, which you’re totally welcome to do, to firstname.lastname@example.org, PULEEZE for the love of baby cheeses know that your advice is coming from someone who is known for “epic asshattedness”.
I know you write a lot about crappy kids, and tell parents to be hard on them. I am one of those kids. I’m 17 it’s my Senior year of HS. I have worked at a local chicken restaurant for over a year and saved up to buy a used POS. I didn’t get a class ring, I have never had a yearbook. I probably wont be going to prom either. The issue is my Mom is a wreck. My stepdad took off, and I have never heard from my real dad. I feel guilty about thinking of going off to college if I can get grants or scholarships. I know my mom’s world will crumble. She’s not a bad person she has just had some bad luck. I don’t want to be stuck in this town working at a chicken joint the rest of my life. I want to go to college, have fun, learn things but I worry about my Mom. What should I do.
Dear Clipped Wings- Ok first off, you are NOT one of those crappy kids I write about. I joke about over indulged spoiled disconnected kids who feel entitled to the world. You honey, you are the opposite. I know you love your mom. I know very little about this situation but I can tell that you are being the caregiver in this relationship. No child deserves that, but many have to fill those shoes in this world. Here’s the issue. Your mom, and her problems are not yours. This is so much easier said then felt. You deserve the right to be a teen and a young adult, enjoying those things, spreading your wings and bettering yourself. First step would be talking with your mom about this and your concern for her well being as you prepare to move on. I am not a professional, but I do suggest that you get your mom in to see one, this will help her become prepared for when you do leave. Also you should talk to someone maybe a school counselor or a religious or spiritual person that you know like a pastor or priest. I can’t speak for everyone but I found in my life, the kids who were forced due to situations to be the caregiver often end up spending their lives trying to slip on their superman cape and save the world. So busy helping others and solving their problems that you don’t have a second to enjoy your own life. You deserve to succeed or fail on your own terms and learn from each experience. It is wonderful that you care for your mom and you will never stop, but you do have the right to have your own happiness. Good luck on your journey. xo- ThePeachy1
What do I have to do to get in your good graces. I see everyone talking on your facebook and twitter and I want to jump in but I am afraid you will banish me. I tweeted you once but you never answered.
Your #1 Fan
Dear “Your #1 Fan”- you had me at “what do I have to do”. Please know that if my tweetdeck is down I can’t use twitter worth a crap because I get lost in the feed, so we will blame tweetdeck for me not answering you because we all know I am super cool nice and try hard to answer everyone on FB, twitter and Gmail. Also I know this is you Brendan Fraser, don’t be coy. On the off chance it’s not really you Brendan, then might I suggest, baked goods, cheesecake, vodka and or jewelry, I am super responsive to those things. xo- ThePeachy1
I don’t give a shit about politics, religion, or the economy. I couldn’t careless about peoples exercise, petty problems, four square check in’s, or recycling efforts. If I have to look at another stupid pet ( with or without a cruel costume), or another ugly baby I am probably going to pull out my own eyes. If I watch one more person post their relationship status, or vacation pictures I may buy a ticket to someplace cold in efforts to club a baby seal. Any advice on how to not go insane listening to this drivel.
I don’t really care.
Dear ” I don’t really care”- I am not seeing a problem here. But if you do, might I suggest a cave or deserted island. If neither of those are possible you might want to try getting off the internet. Or you could just post your real name after what you sent me and I am sure those bothersome people who consider you a friend will trickle down a tad. If you are a chick you could have PMS, or just be a bitch. Not that it’s a bad thing, everyone has a day or 2 like this, but you if you find yourself feeling this way ALL the time, I suggest you unplug yourself from social media for a while and take up painting, or baking. Then mail it to me. xo- ThePeachy1
That’s it my lovelies.. Take care and feel free to send in any questions you might need non advice for. The general rule is 3 a week every Tuesday. BEINGPEACHY@GMAIL.COM