Hey guys, it’s Monday I am back. Woo hoo right? Yeah I know. But I had to be out a couple days last week and some awesome people stepped up and covered my butt like Granny Panties. I wrote a weekend post dedication to them. There were also a lot of people that tweeted me or mailed me to check on me and I thank each of them. But I had to bolt out real quick and I promised to tell you why so here it goes.
If you know any of my friends on the web they tend to say things that would get you slapped on a watch list. Watch list means you watch while Homeland Security drags all your electronic devices out the front door. I mean look at this college kid that found the FBI tracking device on his car last week. He was born in this country, what would they and can they do to me, being born in Thailand.
So you can imagine the amount of sphincter tightening I experienced when I received this in my email on Wednesday.
Even though my filter hinted it may be spam, I am sure spam is the codename for the mission ( my code name none) I am needed for.
I realize the world has taken a dive along the lines of customer service, responsibility and all that but I was really pissed to find out the FBI couldn’t afford spell check.
The email is supper official and goes on to tell me that I won a shit ton ( that’s 10 million) of lotto money in a country whose name rhymes with Myjeria. But wouldn’t you know it, when the FBI needs me, my family screws it up. Apparently a relative ( I am totally on to you 11 year old nephew and your little dog) tried to claim my money by pretending they were me. Wouldn’t you know it? The email then included a photo of an American Passport for a guy named F Moss who tried to steal my millions posing as me. Which is really in poor taste since I am a chick.
I knew the FBI needed my help with operation Spam, so I had to think outside the box to try and figure out what it all meant. The entire email is a code. I found all of the 38 words that were wrong with the email . Price was used instead of prize, is instead of are, and your instead of you’re. I took all those words and assigned numbers to each letter in every wrong word. Then by simply using the prime numbers and then turning them into hex I was able to decipher the message.
This means money ( or salad) people. I re-read the email in true form and it says to send $350 in a western union money order to an address. But I know they just want me to go lay in the grass ( which is green) and wait for my money.
So I spent Wednesday , Thursday, and Friday working on project spam under the code name none.
I always get pulled for these types of things ( like Jury Duty or class mom), and honestly I can’t go into more detail at this time. You know, for national security reasons.
So go forth and kick Monday in the throat. work/play/eat in the confidence that I am totally working with the FBI for the betterment of our country and the world.
PEACH OUT !
ps- nearly every detail in this post is fictional, other than I really did get a spam from people pretending to be the FBI and it was poorly spelled and they said I won money and needed to send them some.
pss- this is not actually what I was doing. I had some personal business to attend to.
psss- this message will self destruct in 23 hours ( unless you leave a comment).
“The big dog flies at midnight without an umbrella.”
I don’t know what that means, but I had a note under my door this morning that said I had to post it.. in here… today.
That is all.
*adjusts tin foil hat*
This explains why my trash is always taken a day before the actual trash man comes. lol
@ Holly- hankeethaaye ouyaaye over and out.
@ Justin- I am not in the trash department but know people who are and seriously dude, all those individually wrapped things you buy, ARG, you are eating up some budget time. good move.
As far as that personal business you had to attend to, you left an earring behind at the Motel 6. Want me to mail it to you?
yeah Brad it has the micro chip in it with the photos of the chupacabra mating with a unicorn at area 51
They tried to recruit me for this mission, but alas, I had to bathe my hamster that day. =)
yeah we had you marked down on the dot board as ” covering the lair” ( or operation hamster bath)
Are you sure there were only 38 things wrong with the email? I mean, you’re not a grammar nazi like me…
oh damn good point. they tried reaching you but they didn’t have the technology, it appears your dixie cup fell off the string. You know how advanced the GVT is. but I should send it on to you so you can check. I hope it was 38 or the message and mission may not be spam/green.