Moronic Monday- Silkwood Showers

Posted on October 18, 2010 by ThePeachy1 in Moronic Mondays

Hey there and welcome back to another edition of Moronic Monday. Where I hope that you are so distracted by my epically moronic stories from my past ( or present) and it gives you that little push to go forth and battle the dirty wench that is a Monday. I have a new found faith that you juicy warriors will kick Mondays ass this week and here is why.

If you are a Facebook or twitter friend then you know that the past few days of my life have been “offline” for a purpose. For the rest of you, I ran through the depths of hell. Kicking, screaming, gagging and hyperventilating the entire time.

If you have been reading along you know I FREAKING HATE BUGS!

Not the stereotypical woman on the chair screaming from a spider type of hate bugs. I mean the so entirely freaked out that you lose touch with all common sense and accidentally burn your house because of one type of FREAKING HATE.

I have a germ thing, a poultry thing, but the King Granddaddy of all my things is BUGS!

This year is the first year the Prince has not participated in a sport. This frees up a lot of time for us to do things. 3 months ago my neighbor alerted me to the fair coming up in October I was like, ” uhm yeah I think I went once like 6 years ago, really not my thing.” Then she asked if the Prince would be entering any exhibits. I laughed. We live in the country but we don’t own livestock, or grow things ( other than the occasional forgotten potato sprouting creepy eyes). We fall under the geeks and artists status. Then I found out that geeks and artists were totally allowed to do things at the fair. I set a plan in motion. The Prince would do an exhibt project with each family member which was best suited to that family members talent/skill set.

I sent out the orders like the General I am. Art with Big Sister ( aka the artist). Build something from wood from his Paw Paw ( that’s southern for Granddaddy). A craft with Skipper Grammy ( she’s had 2 strokes but has always enjoyed crafts. Baking with me. The uber science geek piece da la resitance- Bug Collection with my hubby the Droid.

So for months we have been saving bugs, catching bugs and putting them up to die quietly from within their little plastic coffins as we went about our daily lives. I made them store the dirty dead bugs walking out of my range of sight.

We worked on the other projects over the months, he visited each family member and learned from them. ( I will write about them soon)

Then it came time, time to actually make the bug display or as I call it, THE HELL BOX.

Before they were even released from their little bottles, we had to “identify” them. Can I just say right here people that Google Safe search does not adequately STOP you from viewing 10 thousand pictures of FREAKING BUGS? Here are some fun facts I could have seriously lived without. (1) There are more species of beetles than there are trees on the planet. ( great). (2) It’s nearly impossible to find a 20×20 box to display your dead bugs in as required by the rules. (3)Dead bugs stink, it’s the kind of “for the love of all that is good please cut my nose off my face” type stink. (4) Dead bugs are super fragile, antennas, legs, wings, and heads will fall off if not handled like weapons grade plutonium. (5)I am way more phobic about some things than I even realized.

Staring at thousands of bugs, counting their eyes in pictures and seeing details I could have lived my entire life without knowing and been fine. This brought nightmares to my world. But I knew that soon it would be done and out of my house and at a fairground far far away. I had to help research these bugs to make that happen even faster. As my first deadline of turning them in Saturday passed while I stayed at threat level Orange, I knew that Sunday I was going to go above and beyond any level of ICK I had ever known. I would have to help finish this to get it turned in on Sunday.

Sunday came with dread. I had thought ahead and purchased a bottle of wine, I never drink wine. I knew I had to steal my nerves and slip on my big entomologist panties to get this stuff done and turned in by 6pm. Because I want them out of my house in the worst way.

At 2pm not one bug was mounted. I have this OCD thing about lists and deadlines and having bugs in my house. This situation was the TriFecta for the perfect storm mental breakdown. I knew the battle would be hard but I geared up with rubber gloves, a snorkel mask and toothpaste under my nose. I looked ~~totally hot~~ just like the people on CSI.

I glued bugs to pins then the pins to foam boards and then to tags with their names. I did it. I completed bug 1. The project required 10. When I picked up bug #2 I realized I was actually sweating, and my breathing was not ok. I had actually already washed my hands with 2 kinds of soap 10 times by the end of bug #2 and found out immersion therapy is bull crap. I was elevated to Threat level Nuclear Melt Down.

I have blocked out as much as I can but I am pretty sure if nothing else the Prince learned that ~~his mom as a vast vocabulary and is not Superwoman~~ a lot of bugs look very similar. He also learned that his father will indeed hold a dead spider and jab it through the heart with a stick pin that has hot glue on the end of it. Somewhere in this incident I used an entire bottle of germ ex.

I then did what anyone would do. I took a Silkwood style shower with bleach and scrub brushes. Then a soak in the tub with wine. The wine tasted like crap, it did not help. A shot of vodka and a paper bag to breath in would have been much better tools for this nightmare.

But I need you all to know this. Nothing I repeat NOTHING is worth this. I will paper mache Mt Rushmore, build the coliseum out of toothpicks, actually travel in a rocket ship to collect moon rocks, and plaster of paris my eye ball before I will EVER hot glue another bug to any thing EVER.

So here it is.

Bug display, phobias, freak outs, wine, silkwood showers

Yes that's a military retirement ceremony box.

10 stores searched and no 20×20 box could be found. Fortunately my husband the Droid retired from the military and they gave him this super cool box for his metals and such. Oh it’s 20×20. It’s now the home of some stinking horrifying BUGS. Which just made it way more useful then our Military Health Care. But I might need that health care due to the bugs, I think I push 3 for mental health.

There you have it people. If you don’t have to smell decaying bugs, hot glue their freaking legs back on and stab dead spiders with pins today. You might have a better day then I did. ( Probably more skin also since I scrubbed all mine off)

XO

PEACH OUT

** 17 bugs were harmed in the making of this post. I don’t care, I hate freaking bugs, and I am glad they are dead.

** My entire body is all pink and raw due to the scrubbing and bleaching. I actually considered shaving my head. Yes I am this freaked out.

** We didn’t make the Saturday or Sunday turn in deadlines, so now I will have to sleep another night with these hellish creatures in my house and their hot glued to pin ghosts will haunt me until I can turn it in later today.

** The first place prize for this project is $1.50. I am an idiot.

Fantastic Flipping Friday- Meredith

Posted on October 15, 2010 by ThePeachy1 in Funny Stuff Friday

Ok it’s Friday, and as you guys know it’s usually funny stuff Friday but this week, Thanks to one very special lady named Meredith it’s Fantastic Flipping Friday !

Here’s what happened. ( the short {er} version).

The Prince decides after seeing a picture of one of my blog friends that chances are when he is old enough to date real ladies he will be dating her because she has sparkly goggles.

exhibit A

oh that meredith blumoff in onion goggles.

Sparkly Onion Goggles- this is so cool

But in his 9 year old mind he realized that sparkly goggles might be an issue if they go snorkleing because the fish would bite at the sparkles and she doesn’t look like the kind of girl who would like fish chewing at her face. I explained they were her special onion chopping goggles. This only made him think she was pretty darn smart because cutting onions makes you cry.

So I showed him exhibit B

OH that Meredith Blumoff- she smiles at ThePeachy1

this is part of the twitter lipgloss fashion show

and he lost his lego’s because she has blue eyes like him and he said, “now that’s a lady”. He also explained that right now he’s has a girlfriend but just at lunch because she is in another class, but probably when he was old enough to date real ladies he would like to take Meredith snorkeling.

So you can imagine his delight when a package came from “that lady”

prince is super happy to see a package come from his lady

He nearly mauled the mail person for this package.

He had no clue what was in the box, but I did, she had given me a heads up, so WE opened the box.

3 hands opening the box from that meredith

It only shows 3 hands but I think there were 17 or so.

and even though it was 10 kabillion degrees here today it contained something very holidayish.

holiday tin in a package from That Meredith

I told him it was just a pretty tin.

So I had to wait patiently for him to compliment the pretty tin and the fact his future lady date was so sweet she sent me a tin. Because I knew what was in the tin and wanted a chance to at least taste it. Before my man tribe demolished it and I was left licking the empty tin.

chocolate cookies with chocolate chips in a holiday tin from That Meredith

*drool*

You guys, she sent me home made Chocolate Cookies with Chocolate chips.

How do you spell awesome? M E R E D I T H

So friend her on Facebook, follow her on Twitter, and by all means go read her blog.

Because anyone that sends me chocolate is on the “it” list, and she made these.

In fact she burned her hand ( probably to be more like me) and then put them in a pretty tin and mailed them to me. That makes her good people y’all.

I have to go now my husband is searching her on google as my replacement so there’s this entire Lion King circle of life thing going on here, because the prince is saying , ” Dude she’s my future lady friend, you are OLD ”

Have a great weekend people.

xoxo

PEACH OUT

* several cookies were harmed during the making of this post. They were eaten with reckless abandon which means I will be in yoga pants for a month or so.

* Thank you Meredith ! I should probably go ahead and start working with Jane on the wedding plans huh?

Fun with Facebook- The Woof Edition

Posted on October 14, 2010 by ThePeachy1 in FaceBook Fun

Yep it’s that time of the week where I pull a random post straight off my facebook account and share it with you. Remember if your facebook doesn’t look like my facebook you need way cooler friends feel free to join us.

My harmless and sane grounded status message-

“You know you live in a small town when you go to your nephews pw football game, bring the puppy you are trying to give away and 6 kids ask you if you want a puppy. Then they announce the puppy at half time. Amazingly no one took the puppy. It appears rural america is full up on dogs. Poor puppy. No one loves her.”

garnered this-

fun with facebook, awesome friends, jokes, humor blog, funny stuff,

wow the sanity just kind of flew out the window huh?

This is the glorious madness that happens when you blend people with different views, beliefs, backgrounds together at high speed and have excessive humor. I love them all.

Also here is the puppy

puppy for adoption, needs a good home, free

My husband not so much a marketing genius, but truth in advertising should count.

So if your facebook doesn’t look like my facebook you’re doing it wrong, and should jump down the rabbit hole and join us.