Funny Friday- Surface of the Sun HOT!

Posted on June 24, 2011 by ThePeachy1 in Funny Stuff Friday, It's Juicy, Latest

Wooo Hooo You guys we made it ! It’s Friday ! That means we made it to the weekend ! I don’t know about you guys but where I live it’s roughly the tempepature of the surface of the sun. Literally. NO seriously. NOT. EVEN. KIDDING. By 8am the heat index was 112 with 100% humidity. Now as you know I live in the south, wait, let me clarify.. I live in the DEEP SOUTH. Where people do things like FRY TWINKIES, and bake oreos inside chocolate chip cookies. We have 27 miles of white sandy beaches and Casinos and hurricanes and oil spills. ( oh crap the tourism commission hates when I bring last those 2 up). But we live in in on a nice wooded chunk of land with a lot of nature in what might be described a tad, country.

OK it’s redneck. Even though me and the hubs are scoffed at by the actual rednecks out here. When I was younger in Florida in school my fav thing was to buy a baby pool and a bottle of Raspberry Reunitie and to lay in that baby pool with a sprinkler going over me while I drank my cheap wine, getting my base tan before hitting Daytona. I am sure the contributed to both the current wrinkles and the obvious drunken stupor I had to be in to marry my first husband. None the less I remember laying in that little blue baby pool with my best bud laughing and saying this was the best. No matter how crazy it looked.

As the heat approaches tries to kill us all unless we wear asbestos suits and we use oven mitts to steer our cars, cool off by hopping in the oven with a pot roast, I thought I would pay homage, to folks that we spend a lot of time laughing at and making fun of, but who are probably pretty damn genius. Because much like my time in the baby pool with the sprinkler my best friend and our cheap wine, they are throwing caution to the wind, making the best of the situation, and truly seizing the day. So I have to salute them. Even if I giggle while doing it.

Beating the heat redneck style.

we need chicks, or sheep

Bob's body language was tell Ted to back off, Ted wasn't getting it.

redneck pool in a rancharo at a campground

thank goodness this campground had a swimming pool

Jim did not observe the NO DIVING RULE, and ruined the fun for everyone when the pools were drained to transport him to the ER.

Never underestimate a drunk or hot rednecks resourcefulness

Redneck children may be a little tougher.

Training Camp for X Games AKA Redneck Kids

now admit it, this is smart HOT TUB

Now I will show you my redneck pool for this summer.

the Droid and the Prince it's on our Deck instead of on the ground. it's like 3 feet deep

We have a few acres and opted to put it that wee little inflatable pool on our wooden back deck so no one had to walk in the grass. In fairness I should state, only the kids get in it, that was the one time The Droid got in.

However I must admit. At one point we had a smaller pool, and we hooked a hose to our hot water heater and and attempted turn it into a hot tub. It ended up being filled with rusty crusty flakes of crap that came from the bottom of the hot water heater, it sucked. We are horrible red necks.

So go enjoy your weekend. Be creative, turn on the sprinkler, run through it with reckless abandon, get in the kiddie pool. Drink cheap wine and throw caution to the wind. It really is all about the memories people. Make it happen.

XO

PEACH OUT

O’Funny from McDaddy

Posted on June 23, 2011 by ThePeachy1 in Latest, The Peachy Tree

Here’s a funny email joke from my Daddy.

The following is an actual exchange of correspondence between a customer and the Irish Railway Company.

Gentlemen,
I have been riding your trains daily for the last two years, and the service on your line seems to be getting worse every day. I am tired of standing in the aisle all the time on a 14-mile trip. I think the transportation system is worse than that enjoyed by people 2,000 years ago.
Yours truly,
Patrick Finnegan

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Dear Mr. Finnegan,
We received your letter with reference to the shortcomings of our service and believe you are somewhat confused in your history. The only mode of transportation 2,000 years ago was by foot.
Sincerely,
Irish Railway Company
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Gentlemen,
I am in receipt of your letter, and I think you are the ones who are confused in your history.

If you will refer to the Bible and the Book of David, 9th Chapter, you will find that Balaam rode to town on his ass.

That…. gentlemen, is something I have not been able to do on your train in the last two years!

Yours truly,
Patrick Finnegan.

OH Daddy you are indeed a prize

xo

Peach Out

Tell it Tuesday- Not even advice

Posted on June 21, 2011 by ThePeachy1 in Funny Stuff Friday, Peachy Advice

Please be advised that I have NO expertise ( despite what the massive spam on my site that I block says). Except I remain in the top listing in google for the search term ” epic asshattedness” NOT MAKING THIS UP. Google it. )(now I rank for several other horrific things including “robin willimas man junk” and “justank beaver” I am so proud- click here and see.

So if you send in your question, which your totally welcome to do, to beingpeachy@gmail.com, PULEEZE for the love of Spice on a Bike know that your advice is coming from someone who is known for “epic asshattedness”.

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Dear Peaches- I have 3 kids and now that summer is here, I am convinced they are the possessed. I haven’t slept passed 6am one single day. They fight like cats and dogs over anything including air. They have ruined the carpet, cut the couch, and drawn on the walls. I am about to have an out of body experience. My husband is over seas for 3 more months. I don’t know anyone here and our family is too far away and honestly our kids are too much of a handful for our parents. HELP

signed,

Unhinged Mom

Dear Unhinged Mom- First we have to woosaba you. Right now you are the one about to be voted off of survivor island because even though they are fighting they have an alliance against you. I sent you my 3 phase turn around plan and my contact info so you could vent, scream anytime you need to, hats off to you, the hubs and the kids for what you are doing. Now on to the crappy advice. I suggest you get each of the kids an animal spirit guide. Like a Unicorn, a Pikachu and a pterodactyl sure they will be hard to find, but in the end, the animal spirit guides can fight it out ( OUT SIDE only). Other than that, write a note saying, ” I think these kids are possessed, when you have removed all demons please return to _________” and drop them off at a catholic church night drop. I think they have a possessed box, like red box has for movies or enterprise has for key drop. xo Peach out

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Dearest PeachyOne

My dog is my best bud, he’s a big bread and we have a great routine to keep him healthy and active. But with the extreme heat I am seriously worried. I know that for hundreds of years dogs lived out in the elements. I know you have 2 dogs what are your thoughts and some hints for my Buddy, whose name is Rex?

Thanks,

Rex’s Buddy

Dear Rex’s Buddy- So glad you have thought of Rex, yes I have 2 big dogs, and 1 evil cat, all 3 were brought here by my daughter and left here when she went to college. ( awesome). Anyway. WE ALL KNOW not to leave our pets in a car even with the windows cracked even for 5 minutes. Dogs can’t sweat that is why they pant. They suffer brain damage and heat stroke, it’s horrible and it happens fast. They have portable water bowls, cooler collars, automatic dog fountains that hook to your hose, and one of my favorite things to do is bury a baby pool and then place large rocks around the side so they can cool off, . I don’t use the black actual landscaper water feature ponds because using black makes them hot. Remember if the ground/concrete is too hot for the palm of your hand, it’s too hot for their pads on their feet. Here’s a pet expect sharing Summer Pet tips !

Hot Dog! Products to Protect Your Pooch From Summer Heat – ABC News.

xo Peach out

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Dear ThePeachy1

We are the only house in our neighborhood with a pool. We have lived here 3 years now. During the school year, my kids don’t have any company, get invited to any birthday parties, or events. In fact my kids have never been invited to anyone’s house to play in 3 years. But the second school gets out, they become popular, not just with the kids in the neighborhood but with whoever is spending the night with the kids in the neighborhood. This puts me on constant lifeguard duty. I have already went through 6 tubes of sunscreen and wash 20 towels a day. I wont go into the massive food and drinks that I keep providing. It’s quite costly. Not to mention I am tied to the house and I feel like a free daycare. I would mind as much if I thought any of these kids actually liked my children, but with this being the third year of this cycle I am sad to say that some of the kids that were here did not even know my childrens names. One day my daughter was up in her room all day and no one asked about her the entire time. You can’t make people like you, you don’t buy friends, so it is what it is. But how do I handle this with the least fall out on my kids, or at least get some compensation for being the community activity and lunch center. HELP- Babysitting Baywatch

Dear Babysitting Baywatch- I wrote you a long letter first so here we can just throw out a couple things. Buy a bunch of trained koi, and have them fitted with mini tazers on their heads so they can taze the children that are not yours.. Or get a pet manatee and tell people that you are a witch and the last kid that swam there that wasn’t your kids friend got a spell cast on them. I would do both, but that’s just me. xo Peach Out.

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That’s it folks, 3 horrible non advice answers to 3 valid questions, I still have no idea why you guys write to me but I love you for it, and will always try to answer ya!