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Coffee and Testicles

Posted on July 26, 2011 by ThePeachy1 in Funny Stuff Friday, It's Juicy, The Peachy Tree
jokes from my daddy

And now I give to you another great joke from my Daddy.

 

 

 

Subject: Coffee and Testicles at the US Post Office

 

 

Coffee and Testicles at the US Post Office

A Gentleman goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, “Are you allergic to anything?”

He replies, “Yes, caffeine. I can’t drink coffee.”

“Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?”

“Yes,” he says, “I was in Iraq for one tour.”

The interviewer says, “That will give you 5 extra points toward
employment.” Then he asks, “Are you disabled in any way?”

The guy says, “Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my
testicles.”

The interviewer grimaces and then says, “Okay. You’ve got enough points
for me to hire you immediately. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00
PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am.  Plan on starting at 10:00 am
every day.”

The Gentleman is puzzled and asks, “If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00
PM, why don’t you want me here until 10:00 am?”

This is a U.S. Government job , the interviewer reply’s.

“For the first two hours, the guys just stand around drinking coffee and scratching their balls.
No point in coming in for that.”

 

Bada Bing…

Thanks Daddy,

 

 

You guys go out and kick ass today !

xo

PEACH OUT

 

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being peachy, Brendan Fraser wants me, COFFEE AND TESTICLES, humor blog, jokes from my daddy, peachy, POST OFFICE JOBS, robin williams man junk, thepeachy1 3 Comments Read More

Moronic Monday- LANDSHARK

Posted on July 24, 2011 by ThePeachy1 in Moronic Mondays

So it’s Monday.  The normal deal is that I  share with you a story of what a giant moron I am so that you can gauge your Monday  by that and consider it a success.  I like to think life is graded on a curve.  I am willing to take a hit for the team, the one to help skew the scores so that you can all be loaded for bear to fight this dirty wench that is Monday.

Let’s just start with I love you, and I must start this post with a huge big fat honking dripping with sincere apology.  I have missed you guys so much it’s hard to type out words to express it.  But I started this blog to prove that no matter what was wrong, or going on, you could see the peachy side of life.  Along the way I made some great friends,  I have had my heart torn when I know you are hurting and I have had to honor to in some small way hopefully help one or 2 people.

Lately I have been under some strange barrage of insane bad luck gris gris.  I try to bring the funny, and a smile and show you what an incredible fruit loop I am.

 

The truth is, for some reason the past few weeks every turn is a new road block.  Now I am not in anyway opposed to roadblocks or speed bumps.   They are part of life.  But lately it seems I am not even over the first bump when another comes and hits me.

If you have ever swam in the ocean, you probably know this feeling.  Wow this wave is big, I can handle it, come up breath, ” oh look another”.  Then a mouth full of salt water and you are thinking these waves need to slow down because you just need a second to clear your lungs and grab a deep breath, but they keep coming.

I am sure I will make it to shore.  Even if I have to swim parallel to it for a while, like some crazy rip tide has me.  I can do this.  In fact I have been known as the “I can” and ” solver” and “survivor” and “go to girl”  all my life.   I have taken great pride in the fact I am a warrior, and I keep my humor about me.

I have broad shoulders, and can handle nearly anything, I just need to catch a breath between the waves.   I am sure one day I will have great and funny posts about heart attacks,  and MRI’s and seizures, and crazy brain disorders, and battling the IRS and all the crazy waves smashing me right now.  When my house burned to the ground, it was funny that day,  when the hurricanes made us homeless, it wasn’t funny that day,  when my cars break down, it’s usually not funny that moment.   In the end.  There is something to learn from each experience we go through,  right now, I have to catch my breath, and when I have time, I will look back and find a humorous spin on all of it.  That’s what I do, how I get by, the way I  “deal”.

On the upside, I find something very therapeutic about the ocean, the rhythmic crashing of the waves,  the smiling kids making sand castles and burring each other, the families and friends with smiles who carried way too much crap to the beach and are just trying to figure out how to get the sand out of their butt cracks.   So if I have to be somewhere mentally,  the ocean is a pretty great place to be.  ( as long as guys in banana hammocks with body hair sweaters aren’t around, because that makes me all barfy)

Until the next time,  know I love you, know I have faith in you and your abilities, and know that you have a billion opportunities a day to smile, laugh and Be Peachy…   If you’re in the ocean right now too, just know that we only need to swim faster than the fat kid in the event of a shark attack.

 

XO

PEACH OUT

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being peachy, beingpeachy, Brendan Fraser wants me, epic asshattedness, facebook, family., friends, funny, good friends, heart attacks, humor, humor blog, land shark, oceans, problems, relationships, rip tides, struggles, surviving, thepeachy1, waves 7 Comments Read More

The Phone Call

Posted on July 18, 2011 by ThePeachy1 in The Peachy Tree
the phone call

Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg,

 

 

 

‘Hello?’

 



‘Hi honey.

This is Daddy.
Is Mommy near the phone?’


‘No, Daddy.
She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.’




After a brief pause,




Daddy says,


‘But honey, you haven’t got an Uncle Paul.’


‘Oh yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the room with Mommy,
right now..’




Brief Pause.




‘Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.
Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs
And knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy
That Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.’





‘Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.’




A few minutes later
The little girl comes back to the phone.




‘I did it, Daddy.’



‘And what happened, honey?’



‘Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming.


Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser
And now she isn’t moving at all!’




‘Oh my God!!!  What about your Uncle Paul?’


‘He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too..


He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window
And into the swimming pool.
But I guess he didn’t know that you took out the water
Last week to clean it.


He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he’s dead.’




Long Pause



Longer Pause



Even Longer Pause




Then Daddy says,




‘Swimming pool?  ………..




Is this 555-5731?’


No, I think you have the wrong number……..

 

 

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