On Monday I gave you guys some random topics and by popular vote I am to tell you the goat in the shower incident.
I will tell it through interpretive dance. Fortunately you can’t see me doing the interpretive dance so I guess crappy artwork will have to do the trick.
Follow these instructions and you too can have a goat in the shower.
1- Be a divorced mom of 2 little kids under 5 and decide to buy land and move to the country in the woods.
my yard was like this but without the castle in the background
2- Have your kids bug you every waking second about wanting a pet, a dog, a cat, a rabbit, a hamster, a horse, a pony, a pig, a duck, a freaking anything.
psychological warfare. They used it.
3- Come up with a brilliant plan to buy a pet that will help serve a purpose. Yes no more cutting the waist high wild grass if you buy a pet that will eat it.
I iz a GENIUS !!!
4- Buy a baby goat and a red dog harness and a bell and tie it in the yard on Christmas morning put a note under the tree telling the kids the goat is Rudolphs best friend and he has come to live with you and they better take good care of him.
This is a goat.
5- Kids can not properly identify goat and scream, SKUNK !!!!
This is not a goat, this is a Skunk.
6-The children will run at the tied up goat full speed. The goat will then attempt to run away from screaming children thus hitting the end of his rope and back flipping into chasing children ending with all of them in a pile of upset in the yard on Christmas morning.
when they all hit each other it kind of looked like this.
7- A month later you will figure out that your particular goat will eat NOTHING but table scraps and gourmet dog food. He will not eat grass, weeds, or anything and has in turn become yet another mouth to feed.
** BONUS FUN FACT*** A goats ass is like an auto pez dispenser, Every time they take a step poop pellets pour out.
this is good. the goat butt is not good. do not eat goat pez.
8- Your goat thinks he is part of the family, and follows you to the mail box, goes on car rides and plays tag with the kids.
9- Being a single lady in the country you totally want the name, ” Goat Lady” to be forever attached to you.
" hey goat lady, you sure do got a purdy mouth"
10- Further propelling you into the desirable woman category you goat head buts any guy who pulls into your yard and chases them back to their car.
11- Wake up one morning and find goat in bed with your kids. Throw the goat out of the house clean up his pez poop and scold children while they scream how they didn’t do it.
12- Jump in your shower and soap up your hair, feel the curtain touching your legs and get soap in your eyes, be sure it’s one of the kids harassing you as usual. wash out eyes and see it is A KID. THE GOAT ! The damn goat has climbed into the shower with you and is standing next to you and licking the water off your leg taking this entire pet thing to a creepy new level.
13- SCREAM
14- Fall on slippery wet floor and bust your ass trying to get away from the goat.
15- Run naked except for the washcloth to the front door and attempt to push the wet goat out of your house.
16- wave back at the neighbors honking and waving as they drive by and see the wet goat and naked wet you in epic battle that could only be viewed as questionable.
17- Find out that your goat has figured out how to open the door by standing on his hind legs and hitting the door latch.
The goat went to live on a farm like all animals do once they have worn out their welcome.
