Dear lovely Military Base who recently took care of me this past weekend due to a heart event. I am not a soldier or a hero. I am just a wife of a retired military person who worked behind a computer in the Military for 20 years.  After being the daughter of a 20 year Veteran loadmaster of the USAF.  First,  Thank you for NOT killing me over the weekend !

However this is the facility that does take care of actual soldiers and heroes and people that do really awesome stuff like keep my country from speaking foreign languages and making it so we can sleep safely at night so I thought I would use my advice column today to help you out with a few you might be doing it wrong things today.

It is kind of funny that these hilarious things happened to me but if you do these things to my heroes and soldiers I will be super cereal every level of peachy pissed and probably come up there all mad and let the General know it because those folks deserve better. So lets gets started with this cute and funny ” you might be doing it wrong tutorial” of my hospital stay on the military base this past weekend.”

1- When you admit a patient who had already been admitted this week. Then you walk out of the room and have no intention of coming back because you are watching a movie in an empty room down the hall. You should really let the patient know the nurse call button on the bed does not work.

2- You should make sure the patient has a nurse call button, yellow socks means nothing to patient who has to pee and has been pushing a non working picture of a nurse on her bed for 45 minutes while you watch a movie down the hall, she will get out of bed and go pee.

3- Telemetry- When the patient takes the battery out of the unit and places it under her pillow then gets out of bed and walks to the nurses station to ask if it’s working and you say, “yeah it’s fine” that’s pretty much a sign you can’t read the thing.

4- this is the funniest sign in the Universe and I have to applaud your sense of humor.

most awesome sign !

5- Why is there no air conditioning on the floor?  Do you really think that it was a conducive healing environment to have people that are sick in a room that was over 80 degrees  laying on plastic mattresses most on oxygen many NPO.  The other 5 floors had air.  Where was someone with the ability to make a command decision?  Why did you not shift the patients?  You only had 2 people on 3 other floors?  WTF are you thinking?  I know you are the government but get your head out of your butt and take care of these people.

6- Nothing but the best for our Heros right?  Remember they have no clue who is going to check into the room. I am a nobody. But a soldier could have checked in.   This is what you get.

how could you not see these holes in the fitted sheet when you made the bed?

So you have to laugh because just days prior to this hospitalization I had a heart attack, and a heart cath, and this hospital had sent me to another hospital and not I was back and this is where I was because their team was back, and blah.   So I am sweating like a pig with no nurse call button, no phone, toilet paper in case of emergency and it’s just an all around hilarious situation.   I am trying to drift off to sleep in the room but as I try I keep thinking I am hallucinating and if you wonder what’s up with that well this picture might help explain some things.

yeah try to sleep with that staring at you. The Painting was freaky too don't you think?

So those are just a couple of  helpful hints I have for the Military I know most of the military are off fighting in a war and making my country safe so I think it would be ubber awesome if the ones here stateside would make sure that the care they receive when they get back was just a step above that a goldfish gets right before we throw them in a toilet.    I’m nobody special and not asking for much, but if you don’t take care of the ones fighting for me and mine then I will just be a big old thorn in your side and neither of us need that.  Thanks so much for not killing me.

XO

PEACH OUT

*Disclaimer-  I was admitted via the emergency room and during the evening. The dayshift that came on the next morning were awesome, they apologized straight away for everything and fixed what they could. They were young LT’s and had little power to fix anything but they did their best.   A gallon of paint and sick Generals wife could go a long way to changing things in that place.