WTG Wednesday- via my Dad

Posted on September 29, 2010 by ThePeachy1 in It's Juicy

My dad is FTW. Here’s what I woke up to.

1. Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some days you’re the statue.

2. Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.

3. Always wear stuff that will make you look good.

4. Drive carefully. It’s not only cars that can be “Recalled” by their maker.

5. If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

6. If you lend someone $100.00 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

7. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to be kind to others.

8. Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time because then you won’t have a leg to stand on.

9. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.

10. When everything’s coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

11. Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

12. You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

13. Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

14. We could learn a lot from crayons. Some are sharp, some are pretty, and some are dull. Some have weird names, and all are different colors, but they all have to live in the same box.

15. A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

WTG Daddy. You rock.

xoxo

PEACH OUT

Tell it Tuesday- Non Advice

Posted on September 28, 2010 by ThePeachy1 in Peachy Advice

Tell it Tuesday My NON advice column on BeingPeachy

Please be advised that I have NO expertise ( despite what the massive spam on my site that I block says). Except I remain in the top listing in google for the search term ” epic asshattedness” NOT MAKING THIS UP. Google it. I have been 3 and 4 for over 4 months. and now rank number 1 for “robin willimas man junk” I am so proud. Yes you can sit at my table during lunch, because I love you.

So if you send in your question, which you’re totally welcome to do, to beingpeachy@gmail.com, PULEEZE for the love of baby cheeses know that your advice is coming from someone who is known for “epic asshattedness”.

Dear Peachy,

I am a single mom by choice and my daughter is only 14. She is consistently hell on wheels. Breaking curfews hanging out with bad friends and no telling what else. Homecoming is this weekend and she wants to go with a boy 2 years older than her on a real date where he drives. I told her no. She of course is mad. The dress she wants is inappropriate and I wont buy it. How do I make the peace in a way that I feel is best and get my point across.

signed,

warn down but not out Mom

Dear Warn Down but Not Out Mom- Don’t give up the fight. What I am about to say is not against you, it against the angst filled adorable little snot that is dwelling in your home. Your daughter. She is at that precious age where she knows everything and you are nothing but a stupid clothes washing food/cash vending machine. You pick your battles wisely and draw a line in the sand. If you have to kick her ungrateful little ass all the way to the Mormon section of K-mart for a Homecoming dress to show her what she could be looking at if she can’t learn a very adult thing called comprise which will probably include you taking her and picking her up at Home Coming to avoid her riding in a car with a boy you do not trust. Because honestly she’s 14, not 17, and if little Miss SmartAss wants to be a real twit she can wait until she is 16 to go to homecoming. Your call not hers. Keep up the good work, don’t give in on the big ones Mom. Like I always say, it’s never to early to start making them hate your rules. This makes them want to do good in school get to college get jobs move out. Hang in there. xo ThePeachy1

Dearest ThePeachy1

For the past 4 months every single day around 12:30pm I get a raging headache. I’ve tried Tylenol, Motrin and Advil any advice?

hoping you can help.

Scott

Scott- Stop banging your head in the door on your way back into the office from lunch every day? Just kidding. Maybe? I don’t know. If you are, stop. If not. Uhm. Try B12. Maybe a Dr and an MRI, or even a change of Diet. that regular of schedule is probably something you are doing to yourself, such as caffeine or food. Change up your routine and what you ingest. Please don’t send me questions that require me to actually act helpful this is supposed to be non advice. Damn it. good luck. xo – ThePeachy1

Peaches-

Which is a harder question? How many licks does it take to get to the center of a lolli pop? or How much wood does a wood chuck chuck? Thanks.

Inquiring minds.

Dear Inquiring Minds- obviously it’s “which is a harder question?” (PS That’s way more like it.) xo ThePeachy1

That’s it my lovelies.. Take care and feel free to send in any questions you might need non advice for. The general rule is 3 a week every Tuesday. BEINGPEACHY@GMAIL.COM

xo

PEACH OUT

Moronic Monday-Beep Beep

Posted on September 27, 2010 by ThePeachy1 in Moronic Mondays

It’s Monday, we can really do nothing about. This is the third consecutive presidency that keeps over looking my motion to remove Mondays from the calendar or at least have them declared part of the weekend in efforts to make them suck a tad less. No one listens to me. I probably am going to have to get elected to a little more than the Green Acres Board of fictitious fun stuff if this is going to go any where people.

So here’s a little story about one of my moronic adventures to make you feel a little better about yourself.

To understand this story you need to know that all through high school my best buddy was an incredibly hot guy named D. Tall, Dark, handsome, funny, artistic, deep. All the girls adored him, most wanted to date him. My family felt I should marry him, this meant 1 thing. I could not even date him. I knew him far too well. He was my best bud, my brother, and even though we went to prom together it was as friends. Fast forward to me being married and living a couple states away and him getting back from his duty in the military.

He stops by for a visit. I don’t keep liquor in the house and said oh, well lets just run to the liquor store and we can make some drinks. It’s around 730pm. I tell my husband we are running to the liquor store and we will be right back.

We hop in D’s Cougar and head to the liquor store. Catching up on old stories and laughs pull in it’s closed. Damn. It’s ok man there’s another one like 2 redlights further west.

Closed. WTH? It’s ok, this place has tons, go 3 redlights west.

Closed? Dude, what is up with this?

Oh wait it’s Sunday? What? Dude? No way?

Yes way? Crap, wait. ok well we can just go like 20 minutes and be in Louisiana and they sell booze 24/7 and even have drive through. So just go west.

Music blaring.. blah blah, remember blah blah, HAHAHAHAH, dude, blah.. ok here we are. Wait. what? how far to Bourbon Street cause I have never been can stop by for just a minute? oh sure but just for a quick tour it’s just like 20 more minutes down the road. I can’t believe you’ve never been? HAHAHAH, BLAH BLAH.. dude hahah.. blah blah reminds me of blah blah.. West Palm Beach, blah blah… Mike blah blah..

next thing I hear is

BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP. Followed by

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK. I open my eyes to see a man looking in the car window he’s wearing a uniform, he looks pissed. My head hurts.

BEEP BEEP BEEP.

Mama. YOU NEED TO MOVE YOUR CAR NOW!

I sit up and realize that he is a garbage man, I am sprawled out sleeping in the drivers seat behind a convenient store someone in what I am guessing is the united states by a dumpster and the garbage man with the very loud beeping vehicle wants me to move the car that is not mine. I am very hot as the windows are rolled up. There are no keys in the car. It is not my car. I look around. Ah there’s D in the back seat. I punch him in the face to wake him up.

Dude give me the keys.

Just like old times man.

So if you don’t wake up in another state sweating alcohol from every pore on your body in a car that is not yours next to a dumpster behind a store you have never been to with a pissed off garbage man beating on your window there is a good chance your Monday might be a tad better than my Monday. Go forth and kick monday in the throat y’all.

XO

PEACH OUT

ps- This happened about 22 years ago and does not involve my current adorable husband, it involves the previous icky husband. there were no friends or husbands injured during the making of this post. we have no clue how we ended up parked next the dumpster probably alien abduction, not really sure.