My Milkshake

Posted on June 15, 2010 by ThePeachy1 in It's Juicy

WTFF ( there is a flying in there folks ) is a MEME??????????

Yes people in yet another display of how uncool I am I was asked to participate in a MEME and had to friggin ask what that was. They explained with crayons and an abicus and after nap time we worked in some macaroni art. I am still probably doing it wrong. So sorry. But my lovely friend and music aficionado ( I had to look up how to spell that) Ri from Music Savvy Mom sent out a MEME thingyma jig this morning. So yeah it has taken me all day to figure out how to do this since I don’t have an ipod or know what a MEME is. Stop laughing people damnit I live in Mississippi your lucky I can somewhat type without having a playschool picture keyboard. Ok so here is the MEME and your totally personally invited by me to participate in the MEME…

( oh yeah you can totally click on the song title it will open in a new window and you will see the video… your welcome)

Directions:

1. Copy and paste the list below into a new post on your blog. (Or, if you HAVE no blog or website to link to…then click HERE to go to the MSM Forum and play along with us there!
2. Put your iPod, iTunes, Windows Media Player, etc. on shuffle.
3. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
4. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.(Well, type it. And remember to replace my answers with yours.)

***Now…in the interest of full disclosure, I’ll tell you that I had two computers with two iTunes shuffling, because I have different music on each. So, I picked the more fun song of the two each time. Because I’m a big cheater. But, hopefully an entertaining cheater. )

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1. Your child(ren) ask for the same toy 76 times during a single trip to Target. You say:
“Take me away” – Avril Lavinge

2. First PTA meeting of the year. As you meet other parents, how do you describe yourself?
“The Wall” – Pink Floyd ( duh)

3. Most desirable quality in a Nanny/Babysitter?

“Hero” Mariah Carey

4. You’ve been up all night with your infant. You still have to function today…perhaps even dress and go out! How do you feel about this?
“Bitch is Back” – Elton John

5. Aside from being an awesome parent…what is your life’s purpose?

“Love in an Elevator” Aerosmith

6. Let’s say you had to have a “Family Motto”. What’s yours?
“You May be right” – Billy Joel

7. Ahhhh, Wisteria Lane! What do your neighbors REALLY think of you?
” 5-1 ” – The Doors

8. How do your parents think you’re doing with this parenting gig…as compared to how THEY did with you?

“Isn’t it a pity” – George Harrison ( from the Beatles YO ! )

9. Kids are finally sleeping; you’re wide awake in the middle of the night. What are you likely thinking about?

” Too much time on my hands” – Styx

10. What’s the current condition of the Family Budget?
“Hot Dog” – Limp Bizkit

11. Spill it – what do you REALLY think of your In Laws?
” From a distance” – Miss M

12. It’s Saturday – kids are at the Grandparents. What kicks off your “Date Night Soundtrack”?
“Like a Hurricane” – Scorpions

13. Summarize your concept of “Good Parenting”…
“Numb” – Lincoln Park

14. Kids are grown and out of the house…you’re retired. What do you want to be doing?
“I’m so Sick” – Flyleaf

15. Your husband/wife/significant other walks in cheerfully at the end of the day. You’ve been home with the kid(s) all day and are wiped out. Your first thought when you see them?
“Sound of Pulling Heaven Down” – Blue October

16. What will you dance to at your child’s wedding?
” Best Friend” – Kev Woods

17. Assuming you have extra time…what is your hobby/interest?

” I touch myself” – The Divinyls

18. What is your biggest fear?
” Sadness” – Enigma

19. Your theory on disciplining children?
” My Wish” – Rascal Flatts ( can’t even believe a country song came up wow)

20. You finally get a “Girls (or Guys) Night Out!” What do you think of your friends?
“Raining Men” – Weather Girls

(Perfect.)

What will you post this as?
” My MilkShake ” – Kelis

Ok folks your next, then visit Ri at www.musicsavvymom.com and add yourself to the MEME rolls so everyone can see your meme… ( you do not have to have a blog, I happen to just have one laying around..)

Tell it Tuesday

Posted on June 15, 2010 by ThePeachy1 in Peachy Advice

So here we are with the first edition of Tell It Tuesday. (cue applause light now)

In some ~~dumbass~~ brilliant flash of light I decided 2 days ago I should offer some advice on here and since I get a couple emails asking for it I figured why not. Please be advised that I have NO expertise ( despite what the massive spam on my site that I block says). Except yesterday I found out I was ranked number 3 in google for the search term ” epic asshattedness” (Not making this up the link to the screenshot is right here. ) So if you send in your question, which your totally welcome to do, to beingpeachy@gmail.com, PULEEZE for the love of Christ on a Bike know that your advice is coming from someone who is known for “epic asshattedness”. Take it or leave it, but please go ahead and send in your questions your real name and email will never be posted. Send your questions to beingpeachy@gmail.com

And awaaaay we go.

Dear Peachy1,

My dog is a large and loving kind of dog. We have had him since he was a puppy. Unfortunately his “thing” is always hanging out. If you tell him hi it hangs out, if you pet him it hangs out, if you take him for a ride in the car it hangs out. My kids and their friends notice and always start screaming. What can I do?

Thanks,

My dog is Sprung

Dear My dog is Sprung.

You didn’t mention if your dog was fixed and how old he is. So I will just assume everything to make it easiest to my answer. I am going to say he is 2-3 years old, which we all know in dog years is 14-21. Just like with human males this is the age where the world revolves around his junk. Unless he’s fixed, which you didn’t mention so I am going with he is not. Unless he is AKC or something I would suggest fixing him. Also not very many men are AKC registered so I think they too should be fixed, or at least shot in the ass with saltpeter blow dart, every time they walk through the room. Placing your saltpeter blow dart on the auto setting and putting it up near the refrigerator would help. With the human males probably not the dog since dogs don’t open refrigerators often. If you don’t want him to kiss his manly hood good bye ( that ability makes human males jealous at any age) maybe you can get him some of these, they are on the internet and even come in tiger skin and zebra print although I would stick with the plain ones so the girl dogs don’t get the wrong idea about your guy.

The Peachy1

You can get these at http://swamppuppy.com/chastitypants.htm

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To ThePeachy1,

It’s summer and my kids are driving me bonkers. I am considering a year round school because they are so hideous. Do you have a stance on year round schools?

signed,

I hate summer

Dear I hate summer, I feel ya, but only part way. Year round schools don’t sit well with me because when do those teachers get time to decompress, adjust their meds or copy all those worksheets. Yes kids can drive you to the point of bonkers, take heart in a couple things. Summer is shorter than the school year and you have built in 24/7 child labor. It’s never too early to let your kids hate living with you and your rules so much that they WANT to go to College and will work for grants and scholarships. Make a hideous chore chart, when they moan and complain explain your only asking for 2-3 hours of work a day, school is what like 7 or 8, and if you work or have a working spouse you can throw that guilt in too. Sort of like this, ” do you love me/daddy?” they nod, ” so do you think your better than me/daddy” cause we work hours and hours on end you can’t ~~scrub the grout~~, ~~do the baseboards~~, ~~roof the house~~, load the dishwasher ?” If this doesn’t work out for you then your gonna have to suck it up, they climbed from your womb. Put on your big girl panties and print out worksheets to keep their little brains filling up instead of turning to mush. As a last result you can try one of the 2 products below, they are available on line.

ThePeachy1

You might want to remove this during Electrical Storms

OR this new product by Ranco..

you can get this at 1-877-suckitup

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Dearest Peachy1

I have a friend that is married to this really hot guy. We have been friends forever and I was her maid of honor. He’s smart, witty and very hot. He is always giving me looks and signs that make me think he is interested in me. Here is the thing. I don’t want to go behind my friends back, but I am so attracted to him. We have a party coming up the involves alcohol, I am worried I might slip up and reciprocate his signals and take it to the next step, because I actually want to. How do you think I should best handle this.

Hot for Hubby

Dear Hot for Hubby, If your wrote me even remotely thinking I would be all nice on this topic, here’s a clue, “YOU ARE DOOMED”. Even if you don’t believe in Karma, how dare you even consider this in anyway right? You are clearly NOT her friend. This is dirtbag behavior, with a Capital Dirt. You know the kind that makes people think women are crazy. It’s one thing if you slip up and say something, but your clearly premeditating this thing. Here is my advice for you. Grow up, realize that sex and attraction are not worth more than someone you have been friends with forever as you say. If you so much as wink at him or drink around him so you can “blame” alcohol you deserve a throat punch from your soon to be former friend. I think you should get a grip, and your own man if you want one so much. I understand sometimes people fall in love and it tears families apart and whatever, I get it. However you didn’t mention love, you mentioned he was hot and married to your friend and flirting. You know what on second thought, I have different advice. Slip on your big girl non psycho panties, get him alone and let him know in NO uncertain terms that your friend is awesome and your loyalty. Then if he says or does anything out of line, you tell your friend. It will hurt her. It may end your friendship, but I can guarantee if you hit on or god forbid sleep with her husband your friendship is over anyway. If it causes a fight with her and him and he leaves good. Better now than after a string of people, cause baby I can guarantee if he is looking at his wifes best friend he’s gonna look elsewhere too. Maid of Honor, you better have some.

The Peachy1

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This brings to a close the 1st ever edition of my advice column, “Tell it Tuesday” .

Remember if you have a question email it to beingpeachy (at) gmail (dot) com

Peach Out

Moronic Monday

Posted on June 14, 2010 by ThePeachy1 in Moronic Mondays

As the world is out there battling the face of prime evil which is “MONDAY” I try to share some of my epic asshattedness so that you can feel better about yourself. I just spent an hour writing a post I thought was for today and it went so far in another direction it will have to be saved for another day. So I apologize for the late posting of this article to the 1 person reading it. Yeah you, I am sorry I will send you something, not really I hate the mail and seriously unless you want pork and beans or silly bands I don’t have much else.

So I was 21 and had this sweet little gig I mentioned before I was the OFFICE MANAGER for Fire and Life Safety in my little town. Pretty good gig. I had a huge office with a TV a desk some chairs. Not a lot of traffic and the 3 guys whose that were in the office I “managed” ( haha) had perfected the Government way of being invisible. So unless I had a tour, or an appointment to speak, or there was an arson under investigation, or the FBI was there I had the place to myself.

I always dressed the 9 to 5 part literally. Heels skirt and blouse, hair done, and oh yeah always carrying files even if you go the vending machine this way you look like your working and have a way out of a boring conversation with co-workers from other offices. You can say, ” Can I catch you later I have to get these files to Witch Mountain” or where ever you wanted to say. That’s my helpful hint to all kids entering the workforce, always carry files. Your welcome

To say my job was boring would be a HUGE understatement. This was the ultimate in bi-polar jobs, you either sat alone in total silence behind a closed door or you were teaching 300+ kids or you were in an actual meeting with important people whose titles were always initials, trying to figure out something that could change their lives for EVER. You went from narcoleptic drool to bleeding ulcers day to day.

This one particular day I had an empty calendar, nothing was going on. I had my stash of tabloids to skim through. We didn’t have that internet thing yet because NO ONE on the planet had heard of it except the military and university’s. So I had my rag mags, and my boom box( complete with mix tapes), I had my Diet Mt Dew and threw my legs up on the desk carefully leaned my rolling chair back so I could recline, and lit my cigarette. See you could smoke in Government offices back then, and more than one desk had a bottle of booze in it too.

Imagine the shock when the office door flings open and it’s the MAYOR. In case you didn’t hear me the MAYOR. With a freaking NEWS CREW. I opened my mouth to talk and my cig fell on my boobs to which I jumped to which the chair flipped over to which my legs went in the air facing said MAYOR and NEWS CREW and they got a nice shot of my Tuesday panties. Of course I also kicked over my Mt Dew so it could spill into the 1 computer in the office that I had fought to get into the budget.

The Mayor smiled and shook his head at the same time and closed the door leaving me there to lie in my burned boob panties showing wet Mt Dew ankle pool of utter friggin humiliation.

Now with that being said, it surely seems like this Mayor would have learned his lesson about me being the one to bring the News Crews to see. However he did not, there is another story that I will not be sharing today. I have to wait for the statue of limitations to pass.

Oh yeah and in case your wondering it was a FREAKING THURSDAY. Tuesday panties NOT COOL. Also probably not cool for a 21 year old to be wearing days of the week panties, or burning your boobs off. Not sure.

So there ya go. Hope your Monday is a little bit better than mine and you don’t pour Mt Dew in your computer, burn your boobs and show your panties to a news crew. Rock on Monday Jedi’s.