Funny Stuff Friday XI

Posted on June 11, 2010 by ThePeachy1 in Funny Stuff Friday

Ok so yesterday I was markedly absent from twitter and for the most part facebook. This was due in part to a)my brain falling out ( not making this up), or b) poisonous mashed potatoes. either way I hope I am back for Friday since it’s like my high school sweetheart only in days of the week. I love it, even when it doesn’t live up to my expectations. For future reference Sunday is like my marriage day of the week. I love it, comfy and lazy, and usually filled with hugs and no schedule.

But I digress… It freaking funny stuff Friday yall… So let’s get it on… ( I mean the blog let’s get on with the blog. geez you gutter minds)

ok and a little reading to clear your pallett- or not

One day a hippie gets a ride on a public bus and sees a hot young nun. He sits down next to her and promptly asks if she would like to have sex, to which she immediately says no and walks off the bus. The bus driver leans over and says “Hey guy I know how to get that nun to have sex with you…”

the hippie asks, and the bus driver tells him that every night at midnight the nun goes to an old graveyard to pray for god to forgive her for her past, and that he should dress up like god and tell the nun she will be forgiven if she has sex with you.

Later that evening the hippie gets ready for his big night and drives down to the graveyard and sees the nun praying, on her knees. He says “Behold, I have heard your prayers and you shall be forgiven if you have sex with me!”

The nun agrees but asks if they can have anal sex in order to keep her virginity. The hippie agrees and once they are finished the hippie jumps back and pulls off his mask and says “Surpise, its me the Hippie!”

The nun jumps up and pulls off her mask and says “Surprise, its me the bus driver!”

and now in honor of the weekend being here I give you…..

Drunk animals.

he's gonna feel that in the morning

alone and vulnerable oh the pain

this grass iz sooo soft

so clearly the above animals don’t have friends, cause friends lock you in a room and draw on you with markers and stuff when you pass out. Friends don’t let friends drink and gather nuts. Take it how you want. That’s my pact.

Have an awesome weekend people !

x0

ThePeachy1

Awesome Glands

Posted on June 10, 2010 by ThePeachy1 in FaceBook Fun

The following events took place on my friends facebook wall… Some of the names have been blurred to protect their NON innocence…

Yes clearly the awesome gland

Woo hoo mine is 3 times bigger than average… Like the Grinch but not my heart and in reverse.

is awesome gland code word for fat free hot dog?

So that’s why men die earlier than women hrmm… We should probably tell someone.

awesome gland, fat free hot dogs, face book

I think this is about more than a hot dog.

Yes this type of thing happens on my facebook about 3 or 4 times a day. If you don’t have friends like this on Facebook then your doing it wrong.. The answers of the universe can unfold before your eyes. Or maybe it’s just my huge Awesome Gland.

Eddie Vedder and Silence

Posted on June 9, 2010 by ThePeachy1 in It's Juicy

The weather is so nice, perfect breeze no bugs. We were just sitting around on the deck having ice cold drinks and jamming.

It was me and Eddie. You know Eddie Vedder. He’s telling me how awesome it is to just have a friend like me, so cool, so funny. He’s hitting on me big time. I’m not shocked I mean after all, I am used to hanging out with big stars, remember the day me and Brendan Frasier hung out and he wanted me. Yeah he is just one in a long list of totally hot guys I hang out with that want me, but Eddie is singing to me and that is so cool.

Then I hear nothing. NOTHING. SILENCE.

Crap … It’s over…I snapped back into the world that I actually live in and my drooly face is on my drooly pillow and I hear nothing. Do you know how fast the sound of nothing can wake you up? Well me either but it’s way faster than very fast.

Here’s the problem with hearing nothing… I should always hear the sound of something.

AC unit, ceiling fan, maybe a TV on in another room and you can bank on that sweet little high pitched noise that comes from computers being heard through out my house 24.7.

It hit’s me the sound of nothing means no power. I go to the bathroom, I hit the light switch? why? I knew the power was out. Then I got into the kitchen and grab the phone. Why? I knew the power was out. I go to the fridge with my cup and no water comes out the door, why? again sign along with me people, ” the power is out”. I go on doing things like loading the dishwasher and filling the washing machine with close and detergent. Obviously I am a Rocket Surgeon. But I get a free pass because just a few minutes ago I was jamming with Eddie and now I am here, with no power, of course it’s a shock to the system.

Then I start to panic. I can’t get on line, I can not get to twitter, facebook or OMG my blog. ( yes, I know I am one of the few on the planet that do not have access from some fancy phone access to all that, hey technology companies feel free to hook me up ).

So I start thinking in advance how I will look like a melted pile of oozze on the floor from the sweltering heat and how it will be on the news, and OMG I can’t die wearing this.

Then, eventually, the power comes on and all the sweet noises that mean comfort and contact come racing into my ears.

I think my power company purposely does it once or twice a month so you’re all grateful when you get their big fat honking bill cause the alternative to paying that bill is fresh in your mind.

Marketing Win for Power Company. But I will never forgive you for making Eddie leave.