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WTH Wednesday- Weather

Posted on October 27, 2010 by ThePeachy1 in It's Juicy, The Peachy Tree

If you follow me on twitter or facebook then you are probably aware of what went down this last Sunday.  The Prince ( 9 yrs old) had entered 16 exhibits into the fair we would find out if he won, and collect his stuff on Sunday. I even turned it into a contest for my friends and followers to guess if and how much he won,  complete with a 3 way tie for 1st place!

So Sunday is armband or pay  one price day.  He had won enough cash prizes for his own armband and then dug deep into his treasure chest to cover his friends entry.  The boys rode about 5 rides and I noticed it was getting dark in the distance.  I called the Droid and asked him to look at the weather.  He informed me that there was a small disturbance in the gulf over a near by barrier island.  But it hasn’t rained here and it looked like nothing major.

I bought the kids hot dogs and drinks and plunked my purse on the table. I told them they were going to take a break while I evaluated the weather a bit more.  Explaining in bad weather you really don’t want to be 80 ft in the air in a metal bucket.  Our table was well under the huge pavilion.  I soon noticed the family on the outer table.  It was a Dad with a baby under 1 on his lap, a baby around less than 2 on his right, a teenager with CP on his left, then at the other end of the table were 2 little girls around 3 & 5.  He explained, 2 were his, 2 where his grandchildren and 2 were nieces.  We passed polite conversation and I told him I thought it was amazing he could handle all those well mannered  kids by himself  and still  smile.

Since I suck at describing it,  here is a diagram. ( I know quit hating my mad graphics skills)

being peachy, the peachy 1,  fair diagram, weather event, emergency

I'm the green x, ThePrince is the yellow X, his friend is the Aqua X, The man in the story is the D with a baby on his lap, The B is the baby on his right, far right is 3 & 5 the ages of the nieces he was watching, and the H on his left is his Handicapped Son

I saw maybe 2 or 3 strikes of lightening which appeared to be in the distance.  I immediately told the man he needed to move his crew to our table in case any rain might blow in.  He was getting up to pull the table closer to mine and helping his son with CP move closer.  I looked at the Prince and his Friend C and told them to go help the girls 3 & 5 to move them to the inside of our table for safety and the boys could stand.

BAM.  What happened next can only be described as the oddest weather event of my life.  In the north I dealt with and was in a tornado.  On the gulf I have survived many a hurricane.    I stood on my front porch during Ivan, and George.  This was so different, so isolated, so fast.  I could not open my eyes, or even catch my breath, the deafening sound made it impossible to hear anything.

I felt something on my leg.  It was the B in the diagram, I scooped her into my arms with her face away from the wind. I held her as tightly as I could not sure what was happening to us.  At some point I wondered if I had the baby had the teenager gotten away?  I stretched out my right hand and felt his head,  I just pulled it to my chest, hoping he was not facing the barage of rain and winds.

My husband asked me later if it sounded like a train, I explained there was no sound, or maybe it was the sum of all sounds.  I could not hear the baby over my shoulder screaming near my ear.   It actually ran through my mind that we could die. I had no clue what was going on.

Then an Angel pulled on the back of my shirt, she screamed you have to move, lets get you out of here,  I screamed back to the stranger to just take the baby.  I handed her off over my shoulders to this woman.  I then grabbed the teenager ( letter H) under the arms and helped him further towards the crowded hallway.   It was after we were there I opened my eyes. I saw around 100 people crammed in the maybe 3 foot wide hallways. We found the dad and he took the baby and his teenage son.

I found a cop and told him to go and help the man, there is no way 1 person can move/ save/ help that many kids in this kind of event.

I made sure the Prince and his friend were ok.  I dried my face on my shirt but it was a worthless attempt since water was pouring off every inch of my body.

I told the boys when there was a break we were going to run to the car.  No touching the metal barricades,  no touching the wire fence, stay low and go. Once we were secure in the car and it had lightened up a bit I found out what happened to the kids.

Just as they had grabbed 3 & 5 to help them to our table. The proverbial Poop hit the fan.  The dad was standing up trying to move the table and they aren’t really sure what happened because my son, The Prince, at 9 years old, was on his toes.

Apparently he saw the front of the system coming as he neared the edge of the pavilion to help 3 & 5 move.  He grabbed them and flung them on inside of the table.  He then grabbed that 8 ft banquet table and flipped it on it’s side to give them protection.  His friends chair had blown over with him in it.  He drug him into the shelter of the table he flipped, since I was on the end I couldn’t see or hear any of this.  My 9 year old then drug the table behind the group until they were close enough to run. Once he found an adult he asked them to watch the kids and then screamed at all the adults to help him come get me.

I had no clue what all he had done, I couldn’t see and definitely couldn’t hear it even though it took places just inches from my body.

The decision to flip a table full of food and drinks and my purse was pure instinct.  The ability to use the table as a shield and sav 3 other kids blew me away.  Then to know he came back to save me is mind boggling.   I am the parent and it happened so fast I didn’t have time to react. Saving my kid and his friend should have been the first priority.  I was shocked it wasn’t,  but I really thought it would just be a blow in of a little rain and we would be fine.  It wasn’t.  I realized how well my son not only could he handle himself but help others.

He is my youngest,  only 9.  His sister is 21 and his brother turned 19 last week.  He is guarded a bit because he is the baby and he was born a preemie.   Boy how that young man is handling himself leaves me speechless and proud.

xoxo

Peach out

PS – there was nothing on the local news that I saw,  after telling the story about 30 times,  25 of  the people have guessed that we were probably part of a  possible straight wind.


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beingpeachy. thepeachy1, emergencies, fair, fear, parenting, stong wind and rain 8 Comments Read More

Tell it Tuesday- more Non Advice

Posted on October 26, 2010 by ThePeachy1 in Peachy Advice

Please be advised that I have NO expertise ( despite what the massive spam on my site that I block says). Except I remain in the top listing in google for the search term ” epic asshattedness” NOT MAKING THIS UP.  Google it.  (now I rank  for “robin willimas man junk” I am so proud.)  Yes you can sit at my table during lunch, because I love you.

So if you send in your question, which you’re totally welcome to do,  to beingpeachy@gmail.com, PULEEZE for the love of baby cheeses know that your advice is coming from someone who is known for “epic asshattedness

Dear Being Peachy;

I went to church yesterday and I’m not sure it’s the right place for me. Everyone was really nice and everything but it felt weird. I mean, they didn’t talk about rapture or hell, fire OR brimstone. There was no talk about being a submissive wife to my husband and there were no snakes in the cafetorium where we met. Is this a real church or did I go to some sort of weird brainwashing cult?

Signed,

Cafatorium Cults

Dear Cafatorium Cults-   I am probably not the person to go to for religious advice.  However let me clear up a couple things.  A church ( even those in cafatoriums or gymterias )  should make you feel good, want to come back, have an overwhelming awesome feeling.    I have to give them bonus points for not throwing rapture, woman duties or snakes at you. This leads me to believe that even if they are a cult they are not the kind that will marry off kids at 11 years old.  I could be wrong.  Since it was in a cafatorium did they at least serve food?  Did they use the bible or a menu?   My theology is rusty but doesn’t worship/church consist of more than 1 person being together in the name of God? Or something like that, which I guess makes it a church, but the cafatorium thing?  Is it even legal to have church on school property? Good luck- xo ThePeachy1

Dearest ThePeachy1-  I have a dilemma I have been dating this super great, wonderful, brilliant, hard working considerate romantic guy. He’s handsome and honestly the best guy I have ever met.  The problem is in the bedroom.  He is “lacking” in the man junk department and then he is not that great with using what he has.  I care a lot about him, and if that one area was fixed I could honestly see spending the rest of my life with him.  What do I do?

Thanks,

Size Does Matter

Dear Size Does Matter- wow.  well the guy sounds awesome all the way around except in his crotch.  So I wonder if he excels in all those other things in spite of or because of the “size issue”.  Either way let me just explain this. There is a helluva lot more to sexy time than size.   Indeed you can ” spiff” up your lady cave with Kegels  thus helping make the size issues somewhat lessor.  There is little he can do other than trying some of the spam I get daily for ” changing sizes”. Which probably wont work or he would grow a Unicorn horn on his forehead.  Healthy sex is an important part of any relationship ( in the beginning)  I added the ( in the beginning) because trust me my dear it will become extremely less important in your life as you get older, and the friendship, romance, compatibility will take presidence.  But if you;re the raging whore who would cheat on him because of his winky size, I ask you quietly move on and away prior to damaging one of the rare good guys out there.  xo-ThePeachy

Peaches-

I am so sick of everyone complaining and whining on Facebook, twitter and blogs.  I want to choke them through my computer screen.  Everyone is so busy complaining no one lives and enjoys life.  Where do they find the time to sit on the internet all day and  moan?

signed

Over It

Dear Over It-  You do realize that you read my blog and sent in a  question via email?  Where do you find time to rant about people complaining. Probably the same place as the others.  But honestly I do know how you feel but recently I discovered the solution.  There’s a super secret X in the upper right hand corner of everything you do. If you see stuff that drives you nuts, you can hit that little X and BAM  they are gone.  Or if you want to practice what you preach ( or what is making you sick)  You can simply not log on to blogs or facebook, and go out and live your life.   xo –  ThePeachy1

That’s it my lovelies.. Take care and feel free to send in any questions you might need non advice for.  The general rule is 3 a week every Tuesday.  BEINGPEACHY@GMAIL.COM

xo

PEACH OUT

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beingpeachy, cults, epic asshattedness, non advice, small penis, tell it tuesday, thepeachy1, whiners on the internet 14 Comments Read More

Moronic Monday- Lost

Posted on October 25, 2010 by ThePeachy1 in Moronic Mondays

Hi, My name is ThePeachy1 and I seriously hate Mondays.  ( applause light).  Off to the coffee and doughnuts.  You guys know I hate Mondays and I try to send you into battle knowing I am behind you with a story of my epic asshattedness to help armor you against this beast of a day.  But on Friday I accidentally posted that it was no longer my favorite day.  That lazy Sundays had replaced Fridays in my tip top weekends rock life style.  So Sunday rocked hard like Areosmith and then in a blink of the eye it pulled a John Mayer on me and began sucking like Stanley steamer on your favorite berber rug.  I will write about it probably on Wednesday with diagrams and such.

Don’t forget to send in your questions for Tell it Tuesday the non Advice Column,  you are always anonymous. Send them to  beingpeachy@gmail.com

I dug way way back to when I was just a peachy sapling for this one.  I was in kindergarten and my best friend was Maria D.  I always loved visiting her house because her parents English was funny sounding and her grandmother was always cooking and NEVER spoke a word of English.  It was at the D family home that I saw a tortilla being made from scratch in a cast iron skillet.  I also learned there are children who will eat spicy stuff. My oh so vanilla, non  Betty Crocker mom thought a slice of vegtable oil with enough yellow dye in to be labeled “near cheese like product”   was a perfect after school snack, where Maria had a scrumptious although spicy smorgasboard waiting.

So anyway Maria’s family has a family reunion coming up somewhere that involves sand dunes and no shade or water or bathrooms.  Being 5 I thought that sounded amazing. I can’t remember where we were exactly so I will just refer to the destination as “hell”.

We ( as in 13 of us)  rode in the family van.  At the time seat belts were rare. (but having your kid laying the back window of an Oldsmobile were common, yet a lot of us lived?)  We drove forever with her brothers picking on us and then Spanish screaming matches that I could not understand.  Once there we bailed out of that no AC metal death trap like it was Michelle Duggar in labor, or a clown car, pretty much the same thing right?    They had tables set up and food and yum.

Then Maria and I decided we wanted to go hiking through the desert.  Her 7,938 year old  Grandfather who only spoke Spanish thought yeah, good idea.

We climbed over dune after dune,  no trees, no cacti, no tracks, no signs of life.  Just when I was pretty confident I wanted to turn around I asked Maria to translate.  Her 10 billion year old Grandpa just pointed ahead, mumbled something and smiled. In retrospect he was a total jerk and probably trying to kill us.

Finally we reach the point where he is willing  to turn around,  we had not seen a trail,  another humor or any signs of life even down to the reptile category.

We turned around aproximately 5oo miles after I thought I was going to die.  I kept falling down  it didn’t take long for the snot, tears, sand mix to become glued to my face.  I was in a living hell.  then it got worse he took of his shirt and made a hat for himself.

Can I just say here and now that if I NEVER see another old mans boobies seconds before I die I am totally cool with that.

We wondered and wondered, eventually we found our own tracks, but not our way out. ( or around, or deeper into hell because we literally had NO IDEA )

At point we all laid down to rest, amazingly the 1 grown up who came with us didn’t think to bring food, eater or sunscreen.  Really?  As an adult I wont even go into the backyard without these supplies.  We were indeed dying in the desert, that’s it. 5 years?  I had not had enough fun yet to call this a life.

Then in twilight just before dark ( which would have for sure killed us since we didn’t have flashlights)  we found another group hiking and were able to determine a way out. It took us around an hour to finally get out, and then we found we were about 4  miles from where we had parked so that kind of sucked but at least there was a road, and people.  We caught a ride back to camp. I survived ! ( Who could have been ax murderers but hey they had a car and spoke Spanish)

When we got back to the rest of the family there was a boat load of what sounded like angry screaming form the older women in the group.

They made us food, we drank a lot. I think I fell asleep in the pile of children crammed on the metal floor of that van on the drive home.    After Kindergarten I changed schools and never really saw Maria or her amazingly delicious family again.

So there  ya have it people.  I nearly died somewhere in or near MI that has massive acres of isolated sand dunes.  You know the type of sand dunes were you could hide the body of your boss or pesky neighbor. Not that I am condoning the murder of stupid people. I am just saying if they passed naturally you could stick their bodies out there. Otherwise the paperwork is such a hassle.

So go forth my Juicy fruits and kick money in the junk.  Send in your questions for tomorrow and renumber if you are not lost in a pseudo desert staring at 9o kabillion year old man boobs then your Monday might be better than mine.

so so

PEACH

PS-  My internet went out around 4am Monday morning, we barely got a sketchy connection  around 730pm.  I told you Monday hates me.   Sorry for the late post y’all.


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being a kid, being peachy, deserts, epic asshattedness, family reunions, lost, moronic monday, sand dunes, spanish families, the Peachy1 2 Comments Read More
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