Tell it Tuesday- Non Advice

Posted on February 1, 2011 by ThePeachy1 in Peachy Advice

Please be advised that I have NO expertise ( despite what the massive spam on my site that I block says). Except I remain in the top listing in google for the search term ” epic asshattedness” NOT MAKING THIS UP. Google it. )(now I rank for several other horrific things including “robin willimas man junk” and “justank beaver” I am so proud- click here and see.

Dear “Smuggling Hams” since you implied your formal was wrist and ankle length and not sheer, a good friend and a considerable amount of duct tape can give you that figure you’re looking for. Breathing wont really be an option nor will sitting, so just hang out with all the other blue faced standing ladies that look fantastic at the ball. XO PEACH OUT

Dear Fuzzy love- this isn’t really an answer, but uhm do you take that to a regular dry cleaner? What does the rental place do if you return it covered in ecto plasm? XO PEACH OUT

Dear Walk on the Wilder Side- thats sounds like a blast. Be warned though, if you can make up your own glue out of confectioners sugar and cream cheese. this will keep the tassels on as you move but when removal time is around GRRRRR.. Yummy! XO PEACH OUT

Dear Enough Already- I think 16 years old is considered VERY late term abortion. Not saying can’t find a Dr. I would call MJ’s Dr, or that Kavorkian dude. Or you know what? you could throw that momma curse on him and just hope his kids are just like him and then grin and bear for a couple more years. XO PEACH OUT

To the 12 people who wrote me asking if they could bury their ( spouse, coworker, child, mailman, boss, in laws) in the snow. I LIVE ON THE GULF OF MEXICO IS IT 70 HERE RIGHT NOW. But thinking ahead, I am assuming unless your Sarah Freaking Palin ( you’re not right) then your snow will melt and you WILL be busted. BAD BAD BAD idea. My neighbor the pig farmer says they eat everything but the skulls. I thinking of opening up a ” disposal” service but I would need a cool name.

XO

PEACH OUT

Also did you notice this cool button on the Side bar? “Heroes for Holden”

Click here for the story

Now if you can NOT donate, then by all means don’t but if you can get the word out, share the badge, post it on your side bar, write a post about it, whatever then email me for the code to put on your site to link everyone up. beingpeachy@gmail.com

Scientific Studies-Mayans-Moronic Monday

Posted on January 31, 2011 by ThePeachy1 in It's Juicy, Moronic Mondays, The Peachy Tree

Hi guys. I know this is where you come to get your armor so that you can go out and fight your way through the dirty wench that is Monday by laughing at what a huge moron I am after reading my Moronic Monday story and then comparing your own day to it.

However- this week is going to be a little different. You will of course still be left with that warm feeling in your belly that lets you know I am indeed a moron.

The situation is I have been working on a Scientific Studies Series that will explain the Apocalypse. In order to fully grasp it, you will have to visit both blogs this week.

I pretty much explain it all on ThePits so you should start by CLICKING HERE

( go ahead it will open in a new window when you’re done just come back and finish this post.)

A lot of credit is being given to the Mayan Calendar and Millions of Dollars are being spent to study it, why it ends when it does and what it means. Some really smart Scientist Guys ( code for dudes who don’t get laid EVER) have determined that it’s based on their 2600 year cycle and December 21 2012 will be the birth of a new era and that birth is bloody and painful. ( clearly they have NEVER seen the Orgasmic births on Youtube. I really do wish I could scrub that from my memory.)

Anyway, a lot of people are freaking smooth out because of the Mayan Calendar. So I used my Government Experience to come up with a more feasible explanation of what happened.

That’s the mystery behind they Mayan Calendar. Now you know.

Seriously you guys I swear. It’s not some big freaking end of the world stuff ( maybe) it’s that they had staff ( budget) cuts to make.

Stay tuned every day this week as both blogs, here at BeingPeachy and next door at http://www.thepeachy1.blogspot.com will be taking you on a journey that will ~~fill your head with useless crap~~ enlighten you.

XO

PEACH OUT

Funny Stuff Friday on Being Peachy

Posted on January 28, 2011 by ThePeachy1 in Funny Stuff Friday, It's Juicy

It’s Friday YALL !! Break into celebratory song of choice. Insert cheesy Dance Moves here.

I had to leave my house a couple times this week. (Which made my lawyers nervous.)

In what could only be described as a punch in the uterus, I realized a push up bra and smile wasn’t enough to get that “special” treatment anymore.

It could be that I need push up underwear and I can’t seem to find platform sparklie orthopedic heels? ( theres a market there people don’t forget to cut me in!) I think I got the feel sorry for the old lady discount on my new bedazzler so I can bedazzle my house arrest ankle bracelet from my big public fight. But a discount is a discount.

I am still trying to get my hottie discount

I have no clue who the creator of that is because it came to my email from my husband along with the joke…

“What do older ladies have between their boobs that younger women do not?”

Their bellybutton…

Ok I am starting to think this could be a hint or something. But then I remember the major difference between men and women.

men and women see themselves differantly

who ever drew this nailed it on the head.

But I am really glad I don’t have to deal with things like dating and booty calls. Because my friend Jesse sent me this.

Dear 2 of my Friends- PLEASE PRINT THIS AND USE IT.

But then I got this in my email and I was like bawahahah that’s so funny. Who sent it?

So when I realized I probably just can’t rest on the gaurantee of hotty status for another 40 or so years, I thought maybe I would consider cross training and try being useful and jump on that “cleaning the house” bandwagon.

Really Really Really bad idea. I don’t understand why there are instructions on my shampoo bottle that OBVIOUSLY the world knows how to use. But no no instructions on my Mop, which is where I needed them. Fail, Fail and hold it.. Giant FAIL. other day I almost killed every living thing in my house by turning on the auto clean volcano lava feature on my oven, which was nearly as fantastic as last week when I was showing my son how to build a first in the fire place without using a blow torch ( like my geek husband does), and succeeded and by succeeded I mean had the screeching blaring of 7 smoke alarms going off for 30 minutes and fire department here. In both cases. Smoke billowed around and tried to kill us. Thank goodness I already knew about the gasmasks at Old Navy.

That’s it my friends and now go forth and ROCK this weekend !

XO

PEACH OUT.

* Also this week I was honored to receive the “Stylish Blogger Award” from Sunny Sings the Blues and my Daughters Guest Blog over at The Pits titled “Sam I am” garnered the “LOL” award from Bran~Muffin. Much thanks to both of them and the awards have been added to my award page above !