It’s Friday YALL !! Break into celebratory song of choice. Insert cheesy Dance Moves here.
I had to leave my house a couple times this week. (Which made my lawyers nervous.)
In what could only be described as a punch in the uterus, I realized a push up bra and smile wasn’t enough to get that “special” treatment anymore.
It could be that I need push up underwear and I can’t seem to find platform sparklie orthopedic heels? ( theres a market there people don’t forget to cut me in!) I think I got the feel sorry for the old lady discount on my new bedazzler so I can bedazzle my house arrest ankle bracelet from my big public fight. But a discount is a discount.
I have no clue who the creator of that is because it came to my email from my husband along with the joke…
“What do older ladies have between their boobs that younger women do not?”
Ok I am starting to think this could be a hint or something. But then I remember the major difference between men and women.
But I am really glad I don’t have to deal with things like dating and booty calls. Because my friend Jesse sent me this.
But then I got this in my email and I was like bawahahah that’s so funny. Who sent it?
So when I realized I probably just can’t rest on the gaurantee of hotty status for another 40 or so years, I thought maybe I would consider cross training and try being useful and jump on that “cleaning the house” bandwagon.
Really Really Really bad idea. I don’t understand why there are instructions on my shampoo bottle that OBVIOUSLY the world knows how to use. But no no instructions on my Mop, which is where I needed them. Fail, Fail and hold it.. Giant FAIL. other day I almost killed every living thing in my house by turning on the auto clean volcano lava feature on my oven, which was nearly as fantastic as last week when I was showing my son how to build a first in the fire place without using a blow torch ( like my geek husband does), and succeeded and by succeeded I mean had the screeching blaring of 7 smoke alarms going off for 30 minutes and fire department here. In both cases. Smoke billowed around and tried to kill us. Thank goodness I already knew about the gasmasks at Old Navy.
That’s it my friends and now go forth and ROCK this weekend !
* Also this week I was honored to receive the “Stylish Blogger Award” from Sunny Sings the Blues and my Daughters Guest Blog over at The Pits titled “Sam I am” garnered the “LOL” award from Bran~Muffin. Much thanks to both of them and the awards have been added to my award page above !
My side is hurting. Seriously.
And the mop came with no instructions because (wait for it) your momma was supposed to teach you how to use it. And if she didn’t it was supposed to be in your DNA. LMAO
Runs for cover now.
Justin please provide me with taternuts or a maid and I will forgive all your sins, it’s like hail mary’s.
Taternuts? What the hell are taternuts?
Sorry I forget the rest of the world doesn’t have the blessings of the gods in their backyard. TatoNuts mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Ah ok. That place looks good.
And ironically I spent my honeymoon just across the bridge from there in Biloxi.
sorry. I promise it’s changed since then, we ran the dinosaurs off and everything. Even got power
And I stayed there in Biloxi at the Isle Of Capris back in 2005 one month before Katrina as my company had the 5 year service awards dinner there. I love that whole area. It still pisses me off when the media mentions Katrina that they only ever mention New Orleans and never mentions anything at all about Mississippi. It pisses me the fuck off. Really.
but Justin, I don’t think that suppressing your feelings is good for you, you may need to just open up and really express yourself and how you feel about things, really.
Well I don’t think me running down highway 90 naked bitching about it is going to help.
you should try it and see. just saying… also is this our own personal chat board? what the hell? do you hear an echo in here?
Tell us what you really think !!! LOL!
ps: mops?? Never heard of them.
I guess it is our own personal chat room.
I have tried to explain what a mop is for…but always end up demonstrating… I think she “knows” what she is doing…
Great stuff again! My fav, as you can guess, has to be the magic mirror one. SPOT ON!