never ever light your farts on fire here is why…

Posted on October 23, 2012 by ThePeachy1 in FaceBook Fun, Funny Stuff Friday, It's Juicy, Latest, Moronic Mondays, Peachy Advice

Hello you incredibly good looking obviously brilliant people. Yeah you, sitting there in your stained t-shirt 2 socks that don’t match and some kickin bedhead, you too, being comfy is HAWT ! I know from the massive piles of emails that some of you really really miss my 5 day a week blogging here at BeingPeachy and just can barely breath without me, Mom, seriously stop emailing me about it. But so many things have come up, like entire seasons of shows I haven’t seen before on netflix and hulu. I kid I kid, there were only a few and they were all missing one or 2 key episodes. Yes I haven’t blogged as much here, and yes I haven’t done “THE TWITTER” hardly at all, but dear lovely friends I have stayed true to facebook, I am there, find me, join in. Just don’t ask me to send you a cow or plant a tree or join a sorority or your mafia/mob and no I don’t have a clue what a throne is other than what a royal ass plunks upon. So now I have covered all that jazz and we are off to the races.

I have had several friends and family recently talk to me about their kids, not like, ” OMG my kid pooped!”, ( they know better) but like, ” uhm I think my kid may be turning into an asshat” or ” little Jimmy is really upset that we weren’t able to get on the top of the wait list for the new Iamspoiled 9, so he dropped kicked his OLD ibrat 8 he got when it was released five weeks ago with his Carlos SantChoo GucPrada shoes and it accidentally slipped off his foot which smashed that 60×60 frame of the photo we have of him on the beach in white in Brazil for his 6th birthday 3 weeks ago. But I wasn’t mad because that frame was the wrong shade/gloss of gold anyway and completely clashed with the platinum theme I am going with.” OK.. those aren’t exactly what people have said, but honestly they may as well have, because that’s what I hear. Now before anyone get’s every level of offended because they are giving their children what they didn’t have and blah blah blah, yadda yadda, I hear ya, I feel ya, every parent wants that, but maybe just maybe, sometimes they should have a little of what their parents did, humble pie it’s as essential to growing up as milk, air, and breaking rules.

I’m not judging anyone. Why? Well if you know me, I am FAR FAR FAR away donkey from being any kind of parenting role model and I am the very first to admit it. My kids have done more jacked up stuff than a Quickie Lube, hopefully they learn from it. I admit to my kids every time I open my mouth that I don’t have all the answers I never will, and I am human, I will make mistakes, accidents and poor choices, and I expect the same from them. But the one thing they can count on is me being there screaming, ” what the hell are you thinking???? didn’t I tell you about the time I got busted smuggling kittens in from India to sell to the Russians during the cold war? yeah well that’s EXACTLY how that entire thing all started, I seriously hope you know Russian half as well as I do if you intend on making these type of decisions.” I then usually sit there, stone faced, waiting, until I dramatically throw my hands in the air and stomp off muttering about consequences and how hard it is to get toilet paper in foreign prisons. My children, the loves of my life, my brilliant adorable, obviously superior children have all SCREWED UP. They will, because they are from me, and if I sit back and pretend that I am always right ( which I do not ever do ever, under no circumstance hand to cheeses I swear on the entire Lord of the Rings series, stick a needle in my eye, I am so lying right now congrats if you are still here to see me admit that) then they will do one of 2 things.

1- either assume they can never live up to me and go ahead and pierce their retina and have their feet surgically webbed to show me how they have no intentions of even ever trying, or 2- consistently attempt to live up to some higher than though standard, and hide things from me, from others and themselves and be so afraid of failure that they would rather fling themselves onto a flaming spork than admit a mistake. So I bare my flaws, even if they are dramatically rendered for enhanced learning and viewing pleasure.

So sometimes it’s as simple as explaining to your 11 year old son why it is completely unacceptable to break up with a girl via a text message when that’s the only type of conversation they have ever had. Sometimes it’s reassuring your daughter that she is an amazing human being you are proud to know and absolutely profoundly confused how a screw up like yourself could produce someone with her moral and social code because if in her situation you would have taken a sabbatical to screw businessmen in Greece and classified it as a “learning experience” while trying to get a student loan to fund it. Sometimes it’s as hard as realizing that your kid, no matter how you tried, is just, an ass. You can reflect on all the things you could have done different, if there were signs, flags, blinking lights and people flat out telling you your kid is an ass.

None of it matters, you can’t turn back time, and you can only mold those little brains and souls so much no matter how much Baby Einstien wants to tell you differently EACH of us are different your children may come from you but they are NOT YOU, nor are they each other, you may have 3 kids you have to parent completely different, suck it up. They don’t all learn the same way, no matter how your cookie cutter school wants to think they do, they don’t. They are kids not CLONES. Unless you did some truly heinous act to which you shouldn’t have the privilege of air let alone internet access then chances are you didn’t screw up your kid or their life. They can and will become what they will become and you can only hope to install some type of early screw up detection system in them.

The most sound parenting advice I have ever received all came from a woman I could NOT even comprehend relating to when I was under 30. One of her points was that a well balance meal was important to the health of a child and should always be completed with a dish of humble pie. But remember to serve it warm, caring and with a sense of kindness.

Yeah it was hell having someone that deep around you growing up. That’s why I am way cooler to grow up around, I mean I am pretty sure SHE NEVER partied backstage with a big hair band, was in a music video and woke up in the morning next to dumpster… which is why kids… you NEVER EVER light your farts on fire…………. because that’s how that night started.

be good to each other,

make memories,

XO

PEACH OUT.

My Brain- very sexy

Posted on September 23, 2012 by ThePeachy1 in The Peachy Tree

So I don’t tell people. Why? Lots of reasons I guess. I found early on that Doctors, nurses, friends and family reacted as if I had something contagious. Or worse. Made up. Dreamt up. An excuse. Sure it took 7 years of Doctors and emergency rooms with seizures, and migraines and the oddest possible symptoms on the planet to finally figure out what was wrong. No Doctor did. In May 2009, I was told by a neurologist to go home, sit on my couch and wait. Wait to hear from a Brain surgeon, or wait for the next round of symptoms. They didn’t even tell me the name. They simply said, your brain has herniated. It’s been years since that day, and it’s been miles emotionally. I found out who can and can’t deal with this, who it pains to be informed so much that I tell them it’s all better, and who are just simply put, total fucking idiots who you couldn’t educate with a brain transplant.

this is pretty much the BEST medical outcome. Usually they think you are drunk.

I’ve met the ” best Doctors and Surgeons ” in our area ( that includes the states on both sides of us) and Most can’t even pronounce Chiari. What’s even more sad as that NONE of them seem to have ever read. picked up, or even googled the word, some have, right in front of me. It used to scare me to watch the horror on their oh so smart faces as their eyes scanned down the googled page in front of them and they realized that this talking ( sometimes stuttering) walking ( sometimes falling ) human in front of them is indeed what they are reading on the internet. Now it’s either funny or my test, if I am sent to a gastro and bring up the Chairi and they say something as stupid as, ” your brain has nothing to do with this”. I know that basically that doctor is worth their weight in dog hair. Because after several years of personal research, and sending my medical records and results both around this country and to others where they actually STUDY Chiari, I found out from one of the smartest Brain Surgeons on the planet. That the BRAIN CONTROLS EVERYTHING. Sounds simple I know, but try telling some shitard with a God Complex that it’s quite possible they may NOT know EVERYTHING. It’s best to just smile and then add them to the list of people you will NEVER entrust your body and life to again.

Sadly I personally know of so many who have been told it’s nothing, and passed. Even the “procedures” are not always a cure, and yes they are drastic, no it’s not pretty, and yes it’s very risky. If you want to know more google “zipperheads”. Even after this almost everyone I know still suffers with the pain and the symptoms that just can’t be fixed. But nothing breaks your heart like hearing about the kids.

I’m not active in any Chiari Community. From what I can tell there are 3 groups, warriors, survivors and angels. You can pretty much figure out who is who and why. In addition to this absolutely wonderful Diagnosis there is an entire CIRCUS TRAIN of freaking co- Diagnosis that go with this that basically will explain everything in your life from dropping an egg to the awesome ability to always be the cheerleading captain because you can do the splits with no issue.

Here is my big ass oh so sexy brain – prepare to be stunned and impressed.

Don't be jealous of my big sexy brain.

So that’s the story that’s the deal, no more hiding it. There are online support groups out there for friends and families. In the larger cities there are actual groups, then there are organized walks for awareness and research and fundraiser and all that stuff that really helps so many. So if you are up for it, and feel like taking a stroll. September is Chiari Awareness Month. Walk for someone who can’t anymore, or wont one day. There are walks everywhere this month, CA, PA, FL, NY, TN, and a ton of other places. Check it out if you are up to it. I’m not an expert, I’m not a guru, I’m not a leader. In fact very few in the internet world even know I have it. Few in my real world know. Because it seems as if people treat me different, or expect less. Except those that roll there eyes, or sigh, or cringe or simply walk away. So for self preservation I don’t bring it up, especially to the people who think they already know everything, and honestly there’s a shitton of those kind of people out there. But now you know. Consider yourself WAY more educated than 90% Doctors and 75% of Surgeons. It didn’t cost you a thing and took way less than 8 years. You are welcome.

XO

PEACH OUT

Captains Log

Posted on August 1, 2012 by ThePeachy1 in FaceBook Fun, Funny Stuff Friday, It's Juicy, Latest, Moronic Mondays, The Peachy Tree

Captains Log: Star Date 08012012.. we have been adrift in the norefridgerated zone of Galaxy Suck for 4 days now. The crew morale is on the downslide and quickly become a safety factor. The food replicators are down. We lost all food supplies when it was jettisoned out of bay 2 like Spocks body in that one episode. We lost supplies as the attack of the alien life form known only as “thisshitsgonnaspoil” infiltrated deck 1. The crew staged a revolt against the cook last night, and she only survived by throwing poptarts and honey buns at them. Communications inform me that we were able to get a message to StarFleet. However apparently they are stuck in an insurance wormhole and we must be patient. I’m not sure how much longer we can maintain safety and harmony. Kirk out.

xo

PEACH OUT

( aka it’s funnier when you realize my last name is actually Kirk)