The Mafia, the FEDS and my family

Posted on August 23, 2011 by ThePeachy1 in It's Juicy, The Peachy Tree

Hi guys, I have just had an epi pen. Wait, that was auto correct. I had an epiphany. Well it’s more of a conspiracy theroy Ok possibly it’s a brain fart but really think this through with me.

Remember last week the ” Murder Caper Investigation” going on here, I listed only 3 suspects based on circumstantial evidence. If you don’t know about the murder that took place in my house? Then click here to find out WTH I am talking about.

Recent events have prompted further investigation and that lead to the Brain Fart Conspiracy Theory epiphany. Let me fill you super sleuths on the new uncovered facts and you can ~~unreasonably jump to your~~ scientifically develop own twisted theories.

Fact 1- 2 times during July of 2011 me, the Droid and the Prince spent over 4 hours with “the Feds” ( code for IRS)

Fact 2- My husband, The Droid, is an underboss in the Mafia. ( code for he is a complete and uder addict to the game mafia wars.)

Fact 3- My husband, The Droid, is so addicted to the extreme level that he believes that is the ONLY use for Facebook, and even though in real life he has 1 friend, Me, and I am paid to be his friend, yet he has over 2200 friends on facebook simply for his mafia wars game. He attends on line meetings and sacrifices sleep or family events to participate in his addition Mafia Wars. Which proves ~~it’s an addiction,~~ deeply involved with the Mafia and is obviously a KingPin.

Fact 4- There was a murder in my house and I asked for your help to solve it last week ( click here for a new window and the info)

Fact 5-The Mafia was taken down back in the day by the Feds ( code for IRS)

Fact 6- Over the past weekend, The Droid and I spent many hours sticking our face in blenders and then pouring battery acid on them, working on preparing Fed Documents and information for the last 8 years ( code for stabbing ourselves with pencils while we tried to review, amend several years of GVT documents that involve math and math is freaking hard)

Fact 7- Sunday our power was “out” for several hours, prompting us to stay in a pack because we all know when theirs a murderer under the same roof as you, the WORST thing to do is to split up into groups or have sex. Either of those acts allow the murderer to kill you dead.

Fact 9- Yesturday I went to the FEDS with all our notes, books and documents and spent close to 7 hours with the FEDS.

Fact 20- When I got home the AC was broken.

Fact 11- it’s only 730am and here in the deep south that means we are already under a heat advisory.

Fact 12- sticking bags of frozen peas in my bra and panties nearly makes sense when you are dealing with this kind of heat, because your brain stops any logical thought process and can only see you wearing a snorkel and flippers in a tub of ice water, or that you will indeed be cooler if you built your own spaceship and traveled to the sun so you could do step aerobics.

Having these new seemingly unrelated facts, ~~I immediately started blaming everyone and their dog,~~ I being to think “what if they are not related?”

Putting the pieces together with my ~~melted brain that is thinking frozen corn on the cob is not as good of a choice for cooling your underwear as frozen peas~~ obviously genius investigative skills I deduced the following theory.

We are under attack by the Mafia. Due to my husbands association with the Mafia ( wars). They became suspicious when we were talking with the FEDS ( IRS). The throw pillow was murdered last week as a warning. ( but they should have left a note or sent a text because I assumed it was one of my ~~jerkface~~ adorable pets.

Having bugged our house while murdering the throw pillow to send us a “message”, they heard us talking about the FEDS and talking about putting together the reports and handing over the books .

They interrupted our power yesterday for several hours to inhibit our ability to complete our reports to the FEDS. However they were completely unaware that we would crank up the hurricane generator to power the laptops ONLY. Instead of the fridge or lamps, because who needs food and light when you can power your laptop?

We all left yesterday to do our errands and I spent many all day with the FEDS ( IRS).

When I finally got home around 5pm, our AC was not working, pulled a box fan out of the Hurricane stash and sat in my underwear with a box fan blowing on me.

When the Droid got home around 530pm he spent 2.5 hours “looking at” the inside, the outside and the thermostat. After 2 hours he reached the same conclusion as I did in 2 minutes The AC is not working.

This morning at 730am the local news alerted us to yet another ” extreme heat warning”. Which they have done every day for around 6 weeks. It’s their way of saying, “hey you guys, it’s like ubber hella hot out there!”

Are you seeing it? yeah I knew you would, since I have the smartest friends ever.

OBVIOUSLY- the Mafia ( wars) has disabled our AC in efforts to make our deaths look like an accident ( heat exhaustion), because we were talking to the FEDS ( IRS).

Those dirty rats.

Fortunately they do not know I am not above sitting around in a my bathing suit, snorkeling in my tub, running 5 box fans and sticking frozen peas in my undergarments until winter gets here. Or at least fall.

I am just worried the electronics ( wifi box, TV and laptops) will become overheated, so I am currently sewing them appropriately sized panties so that I can shove frozen peas in them, so they can stay cool too. I care that much.

Stay cool my Peachy friends.

xo

PEACH OUT

Can you solve the Crime of the Century?- Persons of Interest

Posted on August 10, 2011 by ThePeachy1 in It's Juicy, The Peachy Tree

As you know, there is a murderer seeking refuge under my roof. The upside, this gives me a crime to solve. The downside, I can’t trust anyone. I turn to you. Your wisdom, insight and crime fighting super powers. Can you solve the Crime of the Century?

In case you missed it on Monday ( click here) Here are actual crime scene photos ….

crime scene photos CSI, Murder mystery theater

As you can see there was a throw pillow murder.

csi mystery theater murder investigation

Person of Interest #1- Dante, was found at the scene.

Crime Scene photos show 2 other persons of interest looking at the scene.

Now here are the facts, put on your investigative face and work on this case!

A 4 year old beige throw pillow was resting gently in the chair of the family room. Last seen un-murdered at 1230am by Detective Peach.

At 945am Detective Peach entered the family room to find a murder scene. Immediately photos were taken and the crime scene was secured.

The throw pill remains were checked for spit, saliva, drool and prints. None were found.

Occupants with Access to the Victim were as follows-

Myself ( Detective Peach), The Droid 53 yro adult male, ThePrince 10yro male, and The Stunt Kid 9 yro male, Mei 8 yro female black lab, Loki 4 yro male Dalmation, and Dante 9 yro female feline.

Everyone above had access to the victim and the crime scene and were present in the home during the time frame of the murder.

Fact: no prints, spit, drool, teeth marks, claw marks, were found.

Fact: no one had any of the victims remains on or near them when I approached the scene.

Alibis-

The Droid and I ( Detective Peach) were sleeping, and corroborate each others alibis that we were sleeping because we both inadvertently wake each other up when we leave the room, also, we have no motive to murder the beloved throw pillow.

The Prince and The Stunt kid both claim to be sleeping upstairs in the rec room and claim no knowledge of the incident but did assist with crime scene clean up and began speculation as to suspects. Both have no previous criminal record other than eating the last of the homemade strawberry jam.

Mei- the 8 yro female black lab has hip problems, and a fair temperament, she has a criminal background due of misdemeanors to her excessive addiction of hole digging on our property and has been known to feed that addiction multiple times a day, as if she were Lindsey Lohan without cameras around. Additional misdemeanor charges are frequent and powerful farts.

Loki- neurotic 4 yro male Dalmatian, neurotic athletic past, has slowed down since the fracture of a pelvis 2 years ago via a dog -v- car incident. No loss of mobility, increased neurosis. Extreme attachment with Det. Peach and will growl if anyone hugs or kisses her, leading to misdemeanor charges of stalking and car chasing. He does have 1 felony conviction of actually clawing and eating through the back french doors. ( as visible in the crime scene photos above)

Dante- 9 yo female feline, horrible attitude and retained legal council and sued Det Peachy during a previous investigation of computer hacking. Varied and large misdemeanor background, involving, Christmas present unwrapping, Christmas Tree climbing, multiple attempted thefts of dinner ( usually involving poultry), and charges of laying on my kitchen counters. Felony convictions include: attempted murder of the family hamster, murder of 10 pairs of shoes via cat vandalism ( pissed on my freaking shoes), and over 35 felony counts with convictions of feline urination in improper locations. Strong dislike for authorities.

Mei, Loki and Dante have all plead the 5th. Refusing to speak during repeated interrogations. Non of the AOI ( animals of interest) have shown any remorse and are basically void of all emotions during questioning and when presented with evidence from the scene. At this time we are not releasing an “official suspect” only Animals of interest. Below are former mugshots from previous run ins’ with the law.

MEI the lab is a throw pillow for The Prince

Loki the Neurotic Dalmatian is always on guard.

Due to previous litigation I am not allowed to really speak freely about Dante. You form your own opinion.

So now you have seen the Animals of Interest, you have their backgrounds, and you have the actual crime scene photos which show all 3 of the AOI.

I anxiously await your therories and questions. Yes my friends not since the Lindbergh baby kidnapping has there been so many great minds working independently to solve the-

THE GREAT THROW PILLOW MURDER SCANDAL OF 2011

Good luck an GodSpeed my fellow Detectives,

PEACH OUT

CSI I’m working here !

Posted on August 8, 2011 by ThePeachy1 in It's Juicy, Moronic Mondays

Ok it’s Moronic Monday but I am ubber late posting and it’s not all the way done.

Why?

Oh because there is an ongoing criminal investigation going on in my house.

Yep.

We have 3 unsubs and we are waiting for some DNA back from the labs, paw prints are being processed and some of the unsubs are breaking under questioning but their stories are matching up.

Because I walked into the family room to see THIS

yep this one will be tricky to solve. Can't go on circumstantial evidence only.

As you can see there is a mystery afoot, and as the lead investigator on this case, I will NOT stop until I have convicted the throw pillow serial murderer.

I have to go, I just got a anon tip..