Hi guys, I have just had an epi pen. Wait, that was auto correct. I had an epiphany. Well it’s more of a conspiracy theroy Ok possibly it’s a brain fart but really think this through with me.
Remember last week the ” Murder Caper Investigation” going on here, I listed only 3 suspects based on circumstantial evidence. If you don’t know about the murder that took place in my house? Then click here to find out WTH I am talking about.
Recent events have prompted further investigation and that lead to the Brain Fart Conspiracy Theory epiphany. Let me fill you super sleuths on the new uncovered facts and you can
unreasonably jump to your scientifically develop own twisted theories.
Fact 1- 2 times during July of 2011 me, the Droid and the Prince spent over 4 hours with “the Feds” ( code for IRS)
Fact 2- My husband, The Droid, is an underboss in the Mafia. ( code for he is a complete and uder addict to the game mafia wars.)
Fact 3- My husband, The Droid, is so addicted to the extreme level that he believes that is the ONLY use for Facebook, and even though in real life he has 1 friend, Me, and I am paid to be his friend, yet he has over 2200 friends on facebook simply for his mafia wars game. He attends on line meetings and sacrifices sleep or family events to participate in his addition Mafia Wars. Which proves
it’s an addiction, deeply involved with the Mafia and is obviously a KingPin.
Fact 4- There was a murder in my house and I asked for your help to solve it last week ( click here for a new window and the info)
Fact 5-The Mafia was taken down back in the day by the Feds ( code for IRS)
Fact 6- Over the past weekend, The Droid and I spent many hours sticking our face in blenders and then pouring battery acid on them, working on preparing Fed Documents and information for the last 8 years ( code for stabbing ourselves with pencils while we tried to review, amend several years of GVT documents that involve math and math is freaking hard)
Fact 7- Sunday our power was “out” for several hours, prompting us to stay in a pack because we all know when theirs a murderer under the same roof as you, the WORST thing to do is to split up into groups or have sex. Either of those acts allow the murderer to kill you dead.
Fact 9- Yesturday I went to the FEDS with all our notes, books and documents and spent close to 7 hours with the FEDS.
Fact 20- When I got home the AC was broken.
Fact 11- it’s only 730am and here in the deep south that means we are already under a heat advisory.
Fact 12- sticking bags of frozen peas in my bra and panties nearly makes sense when you are dealing with this kind of heat, because your brain stops any logical thought process and can only see you wearing a snorkel and flippers in a tub of ice water, or that you will indeed be cooler if you built your own spaceship and traveled to the sun so you could do step aerobics.
Having these new seemingly unrelated facts,
I immediately started blaming everyone and their dog, I being to think “what if they are not related?”
Putting the pieces together with my
melted brain that is thinking frozen corn on the cob is not as good of a choice for cooling your underwear as frozen peas obviously genius investigative skills I deduced the following theory.
We are under attack by the Mafia. Due to my husbands association with the Mafia ( wars). They became suspicious when we were talking with the FEDS ( IRS). The throw pillow was murdered last week as a warning. ( but they should have left a note or sent a text because I assumed it was one of my
jerkface adorable pets.
Having bugged our house while murdering the throw pillow to send us a “message”, they heard us talking about the FEDS and talking about putting together the reports and handing over the books .
They interrupted our power yesterday for several hours to inhibit our ability to complete our reports to the FEDS. However they were completely unaware that we would crank up the hurricane generator to power the laptops ONLY. Instead of the fridge or lamps, because who needs food and light when you can power your laptop?
We all left yesterday to do our errands and I spent many all day with the FEDS ( IRS).
When I finally got home around 5pm, our AC was not working, pulled a box fan out of the Hurricane stash and sat in my underwear with a box fan blowing on me.
When the Droid got home around 530pm he spent 2.5 hours “looking at” the inside, the outside and the thermostat. After 2 hours he reached the same conclusion as I did in 2 minutes The AC is not working.
This morning at 730am the local news alerted us to yet another ” extreme heat warning”. Which they have done every day for around 6 weeks. It’s their way of saying, “hey you guys, it’s like ubber hella hot out there!”
Are you seeing it? yeah I knew you would, since I have the smartest friends ever.
OBVIOUSLY- the Mafia ( wars) has disabled our AC in efforts to make our deaths look like an accident ( heat exhaustion), because we were talking to the FEDS ( IRS).
Those dirty rats.
Fortunately they do not know I am not above sitting around in a my bathing suit, snorkeling in my tub, running 5 box fans and sticking frozen peas in my undergarments until winter gets here. Or at least fall.
I am just worried the electronics ( wifi box, TV and laptops) will become overheated, so I am currently sewing them appropriately sized panties so that I can shove frozen peas in them, so they can stay cool too. I care that much.
Stay cool my Peachy friends.