Facebook Friends

Posted on August 26, 2010 by ThePeachy1 in FaceBook Fun

Yep it’s that time of the week where I pull a random post straight off my facebook account and share it with you. Remember if your facebook doesn’t look like my facebook you need way cooler friends.

Last week the simple status -” I just took a shower” had 94 hilarious comments. My facebook friends are remarkable, twisted, sly, smart, and I think they all have a zombie apocalypse action plan. Last week after a series of horrible comments on other peoples blogs, and jumbled tweets. I did what anyone once would do. I looked for a patsy to blame it on. So I wrote a blog post about how it was my cat’s fault. Next thing you know the heated match debate involving a ~~fictional I hope restraining order on me making,~~ info session would begin including lawyers.

One important fact to consider is that NONE of these people have EVER actually met one another.

Funny Facebook threads awesome comments about cat hacker.

I-AM-TYPO-QUEEN !! ( sing to Iron Man tune)

friends on face book make funny comments on a silly thread.

Sometimes even I get lost in my own status message.

I am the queen of typos, and my cat has a lawyer

this got ugly fast, my cat lawyered up.

my friends answer obscure questions on facebook

How do my friends know this info? Never mind.

I have the coolest face book friends ever, they are hilarious

You keep friends like this close. Really close

lawyers, pets, friends, restraining orders, face book, friends

I have never been called Habitual but it sounds kind of hot. updating resume

last comment, typo from the lawyer, woo hoo. about time

fun with facebook friends, funny stuff, lawyers, and hacking cats

who needs E-Harmony anyway.

movie quotes, song lyrics, and presidential / star slams or obligatory

and BAM it took a hella set up but I met my quote of slams.

baby names on facebook, only minutes after meeting that is super cool

Baby names? Cool to know Rachels read to jump on Brad, I mean board

face book thread over 100 comments, all over a cat

Shane. much like the statistician at High School basketball. I thank you.

I think we covered all mandatory includes, expect zombies, pirates and ninjas

I like to think my universe is wavy like BonJovi's slipper when wet album cover

and then {crickets} because all my friends are brilliant and Mensa material they steer clear of any Parallel Universe comment. It’s part of the vow of discloser/ gag order we have. Don’t want to scare the little people.

I have to tell you guys, you almost got a shorter post, but not from my wall. From my local news. I spend days lamenting that I breath the same air the people who comment.

So that’s it’s, head out and onward. Remember if your facebook friends are not this cool then you will probably need to friend some of them. But block your grandma and creepy Uncles, because I hear that’s a real drag.

xoxo

PEACH OUT.

That Beaver kid and his fever stuff

Posted on August 25, 2010 by ThePeachy1 in It's Juicy

I have been spared from the Beaver fever. It’s apparently worse than the swine flu combined with e coli and a touch of syphilis dementia thrown in for that special dash of insanity blend.

Here’s the deal, I have figured out that this Beaver kid has obviously used some type of mass hypnosis,( allegedly), similar to that sparkly vampire stalker crap making grown women want to swoon over a pasty fictional entity.

I am sure they are either putting this insanity stuff in tampons or the public water systems. It’s even making even some of my dear friends ~~nearly wiggidy whack,~~ ~~get on my short list of people I need to get POA on~~, act a bit odd. I am sad because if they start to turn into zombies I will have to off them with a double tap and I really do like my friends. But I am thinking this is similar to mad cow which we all know is just a thin line from zombie status.

I couldn’t find the remote and was ~~forced like a POW~~ lucky enough to catch an interview with little Justank Beaver.

I have a couple conclusions, in addition to his ability to make nearly anyone with a uterus or drinks public water scream like they lit their own hair on fire, ~~and he’s probably the anti christ,~~ and he’s spoiled out of this world ~~and should be diced, chopped and ground up by a product from Billy Mays.~~ He might want to try an exercise in humility, because the only thing worse than a self righteous, all powerful, money having spoiled teen, is the years we have to watch them crash and burn and hit rehab and or optional jail.

Here’s another conclusion and probably the most profound one.

I am ~~positive, pretty darn sure,~~ think he is might be the illegitimate love child of Donnie Osmand.

Here’s why.

justin bieber is probably donny osmonds love child. allegedly

Spooky? yeah I know. Check out the PURPLE on Justin

Remember Donny’s socks? ( if you don’t your too young and therefore you should be out partying not reading my old lady who remembers Donny Osmond’s socks were ALWAYS PURPLE blog.)

Is this just a coincidence? That some obscure kid has just been “discovered and propelled into modern famedom. Even though he sounds like he belongs in the Vienna Boys Choir unless he has that Magical Mr. Microphone (we all had or wanted) altering his voice like HAL.

Is it just a coincidence he is the spitting image of Donny Osmond? Is it merely a fantastical shot that made them look alike and Justin wearing purple?

NO.

donny osmond and justin bieber, that beaver kid

Again with the purple.

So we know that due to The Osmonds religion they are to have huge families and in wedlock. But we all know Donny had to be a player. So I am thinking that he used his left over money from his Donny and Marie Show to pay musicians with street cred to promote his un recognized secret son. Then through some voodoo hex, people were disillusioned enough to think he had talent or appeal. My kids weren’t allowed to take opposite sex phone calls at his age, let alone get on stage and sing about love. Dangerous People. I tell you “By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes.”

I write this wearing my tin foil hat , asbestos pajamas and drinking my artesian well water. Yeah I am definitely safe. Probably. The Question here is, are you?

XO

PEACH OUT

The Non Advice Column for Tell it Tuesday

Posted on August 24, 2010 by ThePeachy1 in Peachy Advice

Please be advised that I have NO expertise ( despite what the massive spam on my site that I block says). Except I remain in the top listing in google for the search term ” epic asshattedness” NOT MAKING THIS UP. Google it, I have been 3 and 4 for over 2 months. So proud. So if you send in your question, which you’re totally welcome to do, to beingpeachy@gmail.com, PULEEZE for the love of baby cheeses know that your advice is coming from someone who is known for “epic asshattedness”.

Dear Peachy:

My husband has a great job he loves and it’s pretty secure. However we are always broke. Stretching dollars to cover the bills. I am thinking of going back to work but when you factor in daycare, gas, clothing, it seems like I will be working just to cover the cost of working. I know the economy is hard everywhere so I am sure a lot of people are in this situation.

signed,

Broke and clueless

Dear Broke and Clueless- yes sadly this is a common issue. I think just about everyone is hurting right now. I myself have been collecting the silly bandz my son comes home from school with because I think this will be the new currency. Just yesterday I announced an up and coming auction I plan to have where we will sell shedded dog hair and silly bandz. But then today I was filled with extreme happy when I found this. Yes you can create a coupon for you or your loved ones, or your enemies to sell their organs, souls and a variety of other things. I was thinking I might even put a kidney up. Someone suggested liver but honestly I can’t see me getting bluebook on that liver of mine, it’s got a ton of mileage. xo ThePeachy1

coupon for ThePeachy1's soul, only slightly used

I wonder if I can put these on Craigs list?

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Peach

My facebook friends suck. My entier family got onit and I have to toler8 my emo cousins, my creepy uncles, and even my mom and dad. They embares me so much by correcting my spelling or telling me and my friends to watch my mouth. I can’t block all of them they would make my life a living hell. But facebook was fun, now it’s like kissing your grndma on the cheek at prom.

Thanks,

There sucking my lifeforce.

Dear THEY’RE sucking my life force (they’re not there) ( I am no spelling or grammatical genius) but damn it you really should be a little grateful that they still love and acknowledge you. Because you are uhm how should I put this… an idiot. That’s the nicest thing I can say here. When you write to complain about people correcting you at least try to write as if you don’t need correction. As far as your potty mouth, well I am guessing your a kid, and if you are, suck it up turd brain, you’re not paying for that computer or that internet access. It’s not your right, it’s a privilege. If you’re an adult, please don’t breed. ThePeachy1

be good, or you get the dunce cap

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Oh wise Peachy1,

I adore your blog and think you are amazing. So where else to go with my problem. My daughter started high school today. I have put it off and put it off, but I am not sure when we should have “the talk”. And I don’t want to scare her to death like my mom did me with a ton of books from the library. Do you think I can put it off another year or 2 and what approach should I take.

Sincerely,

Scared of the talk.

Dear Scared of the talk. The good and bad news here is, she probably already knows more than you. Remember with teens access to the internet, nearly uncensored TV, and open discussion of this in schools and with friends, there is probably little you can say she hasn’t heard. Also warn her about pictures and sexting, that’s something new that should be included in the old fashioned talk. Good luck xoxo ThePeachy1

( PS- due to your giving me compliments in your question you get bonus points and I sent you an email with actual advice, sort of)

Probably shouldn’t use this video from the 50’s because they call it a curse, and talk about getting a cold from swimming while you are “mensteration” ( yeah that’s how they are pronouncing it. Your call. Just sayin’

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And that wraps up this weeks non advice column. probably nothing useful, but you asked.