The Non Advice Column for Tell it Tuesday

Please be advised that I have NO expertise ( despite what the massive spam on my site that I block says). Except I remain in the top listing in google for the search term ” epic asshattedness” NOT MAKING THIS UP. Google it, I have been 3 and 4 for over 2 months. So proud.  So if you send in your question, which you’re totally welcome to do,  to [email protected], PULEEZE for the love of baby cheeses know that your advice is coming from someone who is known for “epic asshattedness”.

Dear Peachy:

My husband has a great job he loves and it’s pretty secure.  However we are always broke.  Stretching dollars to cover the bills. I am thinking of going back to work but when you factor in daycare, gas, clothing, it seems like I will be working just to cover the cost of working.  I know the economy is hard everywhere so I am sure a lot of people are in this situation.

signed,

Broke and clueless

Dear Broke and Clueless-  yes sadly this is a common issue. I think just about everyone is hurting right now.   I myself have been collecting the silly bandz my son comes home from school with because I think this will be the new currency.   Just yesterday I announced an up and coming auction I plan to have where we will sell shedded dog hair and silly bandz.  But then today I was filled with extreme happy when I found this.  Yes you can create a coupon for you or your loved ones, or your enemies to sell their organs, souls and a variety of other things.   I was thinking I might even put a kidney up. Someone suggested liver but honestly I can’t see me getting bluebook on that liver of mine, it’s got a ton of mileage. xo ThePeachy1

coupon for ThePeachy1's soul, only slightly used

I wonder if I can put these on Craigs list?

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Peach

My facebook friends suck.  My entier family got onit  and I have to toler8 my emo cousins,  my creepy uncles, and even my mom and dad.  They embares me so much by correcting my spelling or telling me and my friends to watch my mouth.  I can’t block all of them they would make my life a living hell.  But facebook was fun, now it’s like kissing your grndma on the cheek at prom.

Thanks,

There sucking my lifeforce.

Dear THEY’RE sucking my life force (they’re not there)  ( I am no spelling or grammatical genius) but damn it you really should be a little grateful that they still love and acknowledge you.  Because you are uhm how should I put this…  an idiot.  That’s the nicest thing I can say here. When you write to complain about people correcting you at least try to write as if you don’t need correction.  As far as your potty mouth, well I am guessing your a kid, and if you are, suck it up turd brain,  you’re not paying for that computer or that internet access.  It’s not your right, it’s a privilege. If you’re an adult,  please don’t breed.  ThePeachy1

kid in dunce cap writing I will be good on the chalk board

be good, or you get the dunce cap

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Oh wise Peachy1,

I adore your blog and think you are amazing.  So where else to go with my problem.     My daughter started high school today.  I have put it off and put it off, but I am not sure when we should have “the talk”.  And I don’t want to scare her to death like my mom did me with a ton of books from the library.  Do you think I can put it off another year or 2 and what approach should I take.

Sincerely,

Scared of the talk.

Dear Scared of the talk.   The good and bad news here is, she probably already knows more than you.  Remember with teens access to the internet, nearly uncensored TV, and open discussion of this in schools and with friends,  there is probably little you can say she hasn’t heard. Also warn her about pictures and sexting, that’s something new that should be included in the old fashioned talk.  Good luck  xoxo ThePeachy1

( PS- due to your giving me compliments in your question you get bonus points and I sent you an email with actual advice, sort of)


Probably shouldn’t use this video from the 50’s because they call it a curse, and talk about getting a cold from swimming while you are “mensteration” ( yeah that’s how they are pronouncing it.   Your call. Just sayin’

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And that wraps up this weeks non advice column.    probably nothing useful, but you asked.

PEACH OUT.


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14 Responses to “The Non Advice Column for Tell it Tuesday”

  1. Rachel says:

    Dear Peachy,
    All I can think when I read There Sucking My Life Force’s misspelled, grammatically incorrect, text-ease filled email, is “Dear God, this kid is the future.” I am a frequent texter, and I constantly FB from my phone, so I am not adverse to abbreviating in those formats. But for the love of God! when you’re sending someone correspondence, please make the effort to at least APPEAR to be an intelligent human being capable of utilizing the English language. Does this make me old?
    Thanks,
    They’re (<– look!) Sucking MY Life Force!

  2. ThePeachy1 says:

    I know. I was a bit curious because at the end they used a comma. I am the Queen of spelling and grammatical errors and I can figure out text-speak. I am definitely old. I understood the plight of people ruining their facebook fun but I couldn’t get past the actual email to feel any pity. Thank goodness this isn’t a real advice column. geesh.

  3. Holly B says:

    I always have trouble with grammar. There is the way I talk, and the way I should talk… but even *I* know to use they’re, there and their in the right way. Mostly =]

  4. ThePeachy1 says:

    I admit my bad grammar and spelling. It’s like my trade mark. Where I say I am typing in dialect like Mark Twain. I am not the grammar police by any means. As some of you know I recently had a family flair up on my facebook so yeah I get it, HAVING to friend certain people on facebook can ruin things.

  5. rwwells says:

    Oh Peachy1, I know you call it your ‘Non Advice’ column and that you’re no expert but I have to disagree. I wake every Tuesday hoping, by God, that one day you’ll answer my question about that burning feeling in my nether regions. One, day…

    I do have a question though. Couldn’t ‘suck it up turd brain’ and ‘please don’t breed’ be used as advise for nearly 97% of your listeners?

  6. ThePeachy1 says:

    I have listeners? I can’t process anything other than that, so I am going to go eat cheesecake now.

  7. ThePeachy1 says:

    Ok I finished the cheesecake. burning in your nether regions=see a doctor

  8. rwwells says:

    Watch it lady. Last time cheese cake and nether regions were used in the same sentence, I was filing for divorce a year and a half later!

  9. ThePeachy1 says:

    wow, it took a year and a half? did the cheesecake contain ruffies?

  10. BacardE says:

    I thought the first one was about me…lol, however on the last one you said… “( PS- due to your giving me compliments in your question you get bonus points and I sent you an email with actual advice, sort of)” seems like you are holding back the good stuff….let us have it!

  11. ThePeachy1 says:

    if you think the “goodstuff” is having “the talk” with your teenage daughter, you are waaay off. Also that kind of stuff probably shouldn’t be put on the web for all eternity, so it was a matter of respect not holding back. Got it? Also bring home vodka and a male stripper.

  12. […] The Non Advice Column for Tell it Tuesday […]

  13. […] For Tell it Tuesday the Non Advice Column I found out you could sell your soul or organs to make ends meet.   Got an email from what I can only assume what a kid that distracted me so much I couldn’t even answer the stupid question.  A mom wrote in about having “the talk” with her daughter.  I am so glad I don’t have to give out real advice cause I kind of suck at it. […]

  14. beaudreauxsbellylaughs says:

    yes stick a dunce hat on the one kid and put him in the corner dusting erasers at recess. way to go Peaches.

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