OK I leave you people in charge for 1 minute and look what happens.

Posted on May 19, 2011 by ThePeachy1 in FaceBook Fun, It's Juicy, Latest

Yep it’s that time of the week where I pull a random post straight off my facebook account and share it with you. Facebook used to be a lot more fun before Mark Suck-a-booger got his new zipline and his programers started snorting spice while janking up the programming so I can’t see you guys. It should be fun so feel free to join us.

Remember the days of the posts I pulled each had over 100 comments. One was about me taking a shower, and one was about my cat suing me. Not that anyone could think it was ok to put a StarFleet Captain in a speedo but I did and it’s there so get therapy and move on. So here’s just a drop into my recent asshattery I hope that you will join us on FaceBook.

As you see below this is from my personal facebook ( click here) not my blog facebook ( click here) Yes I just shamelessly whored out my facebook accounts, also you can follow me on twitter @IamThePeachy1. ( I clearly have no freaking pride)

Always ready to let my inner sci fi geek hang out. ( I married a military guy named Kirk, and have friends named Borg and Picard, not even kidding!) I was off to bed and left this message up.

This is the first post I saw yesterday when I work up it was kartwheeled across my twitter by @jennheffer from www.jennheffer.com . If you watch this and don’t laugh well then you are just a grinch and there’s no hope for you. So go and laugh.. Cause “it’s business, it’s business time”

Enjoy your Thursday

XO

PEACH OUT

Redneck Birth control- A joke from my Daddy

Posted on May 18, 2011 by ThePeachy1 in It's Juicy, Latest, The Peachy Tree

If you are a follower chances are you have been privy to my secret WMD (Wonderful Mulit- forwarding Daddy).. My daddy is 79, he is awesome. Some technology may elude him but there is one thing this man has mastered. He can forward 278.5 emails to all 822 people in his contact list 10+ times a day. His priceless passing on of humor from his veteran buddies, former county co workers and anyone he has ever met at a gas station in any state. Because if you meet him and your not a total asshat you are GETTING ON HIS EMAIL LIST.

ENJOY !
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After their 11th child, a hillbilly couple decided

that was enough, as they could not afford a

larger bed.

courtesy of the Simpsons

So the husband went to his veterinarian and

told him that he and his cousin didn’t want to

have any more children.

The doctor told him that there was a procedure

called a vasectomy that could fix the problem

but that it was expensive.

‘A less costly alternative, ‘ said the doctor, ‘is to

go home, get a cherry bomb, light it, put it in a beer

can, then hold the can up to your ear and count

To 10.’

The hillbilly said to the doctor,

‘I may not be the smartest tool in the shed, but I

don’t see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer

can next to my ear is going to help me.’

‘Trust me,’ said the doctor.

So the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and

put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his

Ear and began to count . . .

‘1’

‘2’

‘3’

‘4’

‘5’

At which point, he paused, placed the beer can

between his legs and continued counting on

his other hand.

It’s a little different, just so you don’t die.

Posted on May 17, 2011 by ThePeachy1 in Latest, Peachy Advice, The Peachy Tree

Please be advised that I have NO expertise ( despite what the massive spam on my site that I block says). Except I remain in the top listing in google for the search term ” epic asshattedness” NOT MAKING THIS UP. Google it. )(now I rank for several other horrific things including “robin willimas man junk” and “justank beaver” I am so proud- click here and see. So if you send in your question, which you’re totally welcome to do, to: beingpeachy@gmail.com, PULEEZE for the love of Spice on a Kite know that your advice is coming from someone who is known for “epic asshattedness”.

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This week is totally different because as I was writing this post last week I was having a heart attack. ( but it still rocked if I do say so myself spank you very much).

This week I am totally not going around answering your questions and stuff. Instead of 3 questions with crappy NON advice here’s stuff I want you to know so you DON’T die. Because I ~~like~~ LOVE you.

1. Who always grabbed their chest saying, “This is the big one! I’m coming to see you Elizabeth!”

a-Prince Charles

b. Rob Zombie

c. Fred Sanford

Fred Sandford Heart Attack is coming to See ya Elizabeth

no junkyards were harmed in the making of this heart attack

2. Nearly half of the women who have a documented heart attack don’t even have chest pain, and almost of all of them aren’t in a a junk yard or named Fred Sandford when it happens.

a) True

b) False

3. What things could be symptoms of a heart attack and you should go to the E.R. for?

a) pain in your jaw, lightheadeness, nausea

b) backache, headache, abnormal fatigue

c) free stuff at Target

d) a or b

4. If you go to the hospital and it turns out to NOT be a heart attack-

a) you can write a post about how lucky you are

b) you can blame me for it

c) you can steal bandaids and medical tape

d) take your ipad/or a good book and think of it as your ” alone time” which you totally deserve

e) all of the above

5. Please don’t jerk around and drag your feet I was-

a) super stupid

b) a huge jackass

c) beyond lucky

d) an epic asshat

e) all of the above

Now here are are some random facts because I love you and DON’T WANT YOU TO DIE !

+43% of women who have heart attacks never even have chest pain when they have a heart attack.

I had pressure, like an elephant sitting on my chest but no chest pain. I had a pain in my back, like I had slept wrong..

I was shaky, and lightheaded, but only like I needed to eat, but I couldn’t because I was nauseas.

Pain in your jaw is common, like a toothache but it radiates. Mine ran along the jawline up towards my ear, I actually for a moment though maybe an inner ear infection but then connected the dots.

I had a hot flash, I couldn’t stop sweating, but I got cold immediately afterwards.

If it was your husband or child doing this, you would be calling 911, and you freaking know it. So stop being freaking hard headed because seriously. Think about it.

Walk over to your family photo and take yourself out of. NOW. Do you want your spouse to attempt to raise those kids without you? Those kids to handle all this world has to throw at then without you? ( never again a matching sock? eating ravioli cold out of a can on the floor in front of the TV watching robot chicken at midnight on a school night?)

NO? well then take your butt in. Now well I have my ass up on a soap box, schedule your damn mammogram, and yearly physical, just get a spring cleaning check up and bloodwork and I will shut up ok? I am a freaking humor blogger and you guys are making me try to do a freaking PSA over here.

Ok that’s it.

Now go add these heart friendly songs to your Ipod/MP3 player or whatever music device you play and think of me, think of me fondly, whenever they play.

Stop Dragging my Heart Around- By Stevie Nicks

Heart of Glass – Blondie http://youtu.be/WGU_4-5RaxU

Heartbreaker -Pat Benatar http://youtu.be/h7wpeMmzres

Heartbeat – Enrique Iglesias http://youtu.be/dYnZgV7Kz-M

Heartbreaker- Will-i-am http://youtu.be/zUJqYx4Z9js

and Then http://youtu.be/c2Fnet0y9Ts and http://youtu.be/vbUR0SRceD0 which have nothing to do with hearts but they rock and I love them. So it’s like your little bonus.