Tell it Tuesday- Non Advice

So here we are with the  3rd edition of Tell It Tuesday. (cue applause light now)

In some dumbass brilliant flash of light I decided a  few weeks or so ago  I should offer advice on here every Tuesday in my new Feature “Tell it Tuesday”.  Since I get a couple emails asking for it I figured why not.  Please be advised that I have NO expertise ( despite what the massive spam on my site that I block says).   Except a few  weeks ago  I found out I was ranked number 3 in google for the search term ” epic asshattedness”   (Not making this up the link to the screenshot is right here. ) So if you send in your question, which your totally welcome to do, to beingpeachy@gmail.com, PULEEZE for the love of Christ on a Bike know that your advice is coming from someone who is known for “epic asshattedness”. Take it or leave it, but please go ahead and send in your questions your real name and email will never be posted. Send your questions to beingpeachy@gmail.com  I got some really great email but I just couldn’t answer some of them without proper vodka incentive.

And awaaaay we go.

Dear ThePeachy1

I am a blogger and about to head to the big blogging convention coming up. It seems like every where I turn there is all kinds of sign up advice and this and that on what to do and how to do it and I am completely overwhelmed. In addition to my stress the business cards I ordered with my url and twitter name wont be back in time I have no idea what to do.  I want to be seen as a professional PLEASE HELP.

Thank you,

Desperately  Seeking  Blogging Aproval

Dear Desperately Seeking Blogging Approval,  how did you end up on my site? Isn’t it pretty darn clear that I don’t offer real advice ? Also you yourself noted that just about everyone with a keyboard is trying to pimp out some kind info or hints on that convention, that I am not even attending?  Ok but your here and you wrote in so let me try to help.  Follow these steps. First lose the desperation, it’s well desperate, and you look well, really darn  desperate.  Second, I am sure this convention will just be all kinds of glittery awesome and all that but take a deep breath because I have been to all kinds of conventions in my life and it’s what you make of them so if you go in all desperately seeking someone’s approval you are setting yourself up for a let down. In regards to the business card issue I have a sure fire solution and this will address not only the card problem but also the other ones listed above. If you  do this and you will NEVER be forgotten.  Bring sharpie markers.  Then write your twitter name on the palm of your hand in reverse and go around slapping people on the butt, or if they are snotty on the face.  They will be your walking business cards.  Problem solved and bonus points for creativity. Your welcome.  ThePeachy1

slap your name onto their faces for walking billboards

***********************************

Dear Peachy1,

I am seeing more than 1 guy right now and I love each one for a different reason.  I am ready to settle down so should I marry for love, money, brains or sex?

Thank you,

Taking the Plunge

Dear Taking the Plunge,  Yes.  Good Luck, ThePeachy1

******************************************

Dear Iam The Peachy1

I am in a sexless marriage of 40+ years.  He is a good guy, doesn’t drink, cheat or beat me,  we are financially comfortable and as the kids grew up and moved out  and started their own families we became just friends and our situation became more like roommates.

faithful reader,

Should I stay or Should I go

Dear Should I Stay or Should I go,  MOM?  Gross?  What the hell? I asked you a million times not to write me here? plus Dad is like 75 and has a heart condition do you WANT to kill my Daddy? come on that’s just wrong… wait.. you said no alcohol? ok that’s not you then, but your somebodies mom, and that’s just not cool..    You did say sexless so that’s less eww but seriously, I am still going to have to go scrub my brain with bleach thanks.. Get a pool boy and if you love me get me one too. ( oh yeah so cool your a faithful reader which is why I thought you might be my mom)  Peach Out.

this pic was everywhere but I wrote where I got it from on it. I want one or 2