I have been spared from the Beaver fever. It’s apparently worse than the swine flu combined with e coli and a touch of syphilis dementia thrown in for that special dash of insanity blend.
Here’s the deal, I have figured out that this Beaver kid has obviously used some type of mass hypnosis,( allegedly), similar to that sparkly vampire stalker crap making grown women want to swoon over a pasty fictional entity.
I am sure they are either putting this insanity stuff in tampons or the public water systems. It’s even making even some of my dear friends nearly wiggidy whack, get on my short list of people I need to get POA on, act a bit odd. I am sad because if they start to turn into zombies I will have to off them with a double tap and I really do like my friends. But I am thinking this is similar to mad cow which we all know is just a thin line from zombie status.
I couldn’t find the remote and was forced like a POW lucky enough to catch an interview with little Justank Beaver.
I have a couple conclusions, in addition to his ability to make nearly anyone with a uterus or drinks public water scream like they lit their own hair on fire, and he’s probably the anti christ, and he’s spoiled out of this world and should be diced, chopped and ground up by a product from Billy Mays. He might want to try an exercise in humility, because the only thing worse than a self righteous, all powerful, money having spoiled teen, is the years we have to watch them crash and burn and hit rehab and or optional jail.
Here’s another conclusion and probably the most profound one.
I am positive, pretty darn sure, think he is might be the illegitimate love child of Donnie Osmand.
Here’s why.
Spooky? yeah I know. Check out the PURPLE on Justin
Remember Donny’s socks? ( if you don’t your too young and therefore you should be out partying not reading my old lady who remembers Donny Osmond’s socks were ALWAYS PURPLE blog.)
Is this just a coincidence? That some obscure kid has just been “discovered and propelled into modern famedom. Even though he sounds like he belongs in the Vienna Boys Choir unless he has that Magical Mr. Microphone (we all had or wanted) altering his voice like HAL.
Is it just a coincidence he is the spitting image of Donny Osmond? Is it merely a fantastical shot that made them look alike and Justin wearing purple?
NO.
Again with the purple.
So we know that due to The Osmonds religion they are to have huge families and in wedlock. But we all know Donny had to be a player. So I am thinking that he used his left over money from his Donny and Marie Show to pay musicians with street cred to promote his un recognized secret son. Then through some voodoo hex, people were disillusioned enough to think he had talent or appeal. My kids weren’t allowed to take opposite sex phone calls at his age, let alone get on stage and sing about love. Dangerous People. I tell you “By the pricking of my thumbs, something wicked this way comes.”
I write this wearing my tin foil hat , asbestos pajamas and drinking my artesian well water. Yeah I am definitely safe. Probably. The Question here is, are you?
