Well hello Monday you dirty Wench, we are here, we know you’re lurking about waiting to kick dirt in our eyes so you can sucker punch us in the temples and steal our doughnuts. But you need to know we are plentiful and we will fight back, eventually like around noon on Friday.
To help my juicy friends get through their Monday with some laughs I always try to point out what a huge moron I am in hopes they can use me as a slide scale of comparison like if life is graded on a curve you can say, “oh yeah this aint so bad” type thing.
The past few days we will call the week of water.
If you have known me for some time now, then you remember the great “Time Space Differential Discovery of 2010” where I made a huge scientific break through and still didn’t get the Nobel Peace Prize even though I flooded my house and turned it into a ditch diggers swamp ass.
On Thursday I repeated that experiment. Except this time it was due to a chicken. Freaking poultry they get you every time. I didn’t write a post because really I was busy ripping out more carpet. and carrying shop vacs full of water out of my house and watch my property instantly mold. It was really awesome, and by awesome I mean made me want to fling myself on a freaky fork.
Then on Friday the Prince and his 2 Stunt buddies ( I always have extra kids when there is no school I have no clue why kids hang out here or why their parents let them knowing full well I am an idiot, but they enjoy it) came screaming that there was water coming out of the kitchen light.
TO CLARIFY THE KITCHEN LIGHT
This means something really bad even to me?
So we divided into 2 assault teams.
Team Bravo had a bucket and a towel, their mission was the turn off the kitchen light, place the towel on the kitchen floor under the leak then strategically place the bucket on the towel directly under the leak. Then locate Alpha team and assist.
Team Alpha had a bucket, a towel and bleach. Remove AC Intake Enter enemy territory locate drippage, place towel and bucket. Find Curvy white pipe thingy pull off top thing put bleach in it. Change filters, high five everyone, everyone get out and put gear away. No one left behind. Mission complete.
I had those heart attack thingies last month, so with all this water mishaps going on this week I thought, “self, what should we do to make this week be great? to really make fathers day rock?”
A 13 MILE KAYAK TRIP WITH 3 WATER FALLS IN A HEAT INDEX OF 112?
So we did, and it was awesome, to be fair, I have kayaked all of my life, all of my kids have grown up kayaking and snorkeling and this was the first year THE PRINCE got to have his own Kayak, we had tow ropes in case there were problems and it was a familiar run with a company we use just about every year. We saw 3 snakes 2 were confirmed water moccasins ( cotton mouths) and no none of us tipped, or flipped, lost our stuff, or got stuck. As bad as we are on land, we are amazing at some things. We did have the pleasure of watching Darwin in motion with people that I am sure would laugh our mishaps, as we glided by without breaking a sweat.
In the end it was a pretty awesome week, because even though I am obviously an epic asshat, I didn’t die.
Have a great week y’all !