It’s Friday. I am breathing. That’s a double win in my book.
Yes I look like I have been punched in both eyes by a world class boxer while simultaneously being stung by a thousand bees in each eyelid and being kicked in the face by a horse.
Totally my bad. I promise 364 days a year I am a butt kicking name taking problem solving joke slinging bad mamajama. Yesterday was my 1 day. That stupid phone would not ring. I couldn’t find my dude for 6 days and I had fixed the wall.
In my jacked up brain I had somehow done knocked the earth off it’s axis and caused the first domino to fall. Thus flinging him further into the claws of his demons.
I understand that to “normal” people ( if there are any out there go away) this makes no sense. Thankfully, I have been lucky enough to be lifted up when my legs crumbled under me and pulled off the stairs by all of you.
The virtual hugs came in the dm’s, the emails, the txt messages and phone calls. I love you all. It’s my job to bring you the funny but instead I was laying around in a baby pool full of snot and you guys threw me water wings and snorkel and some of you even got in there with me. ( gross) I can’t thank you enough.
To the people that for the first time felt safe enough to share their own stories, I hope this helped you. You are truly not alone, you are part of one of the elite crappy clubs. Sorry, but you can email any time.
To the people who told me I was strong or they felt sorry or me? Thank you but not really, My Dude is pretty strong, see, 364 days of the year my life is pretty normal, pretty funny, 365 days of the year he is trapped in that mental hell, and no one can save him, not even me. Please divert all virtual hugs to him.
To the ones who knew to tell me to knock a hole in the damn wall to make it right again. You are genius. Any other day that is the solution I would have come up with but I was so locked in my box I couldn’t get out. Instead I went to his room, got in his closet and started a journal to him on his walls in sharpie marker.
That is so very him. So
if when he does come home he can get in his closet it and touch it, and read it, and know I was in there, that small space, loving him, missing him. That woke me up and got me right. Or I got stoned sitting in a closet smelling sharpie markers.
To the one who found out where my Dude was, stayed on the phone and let me scream and cry and snot. You are amazing.
Thank you all so very much. For holding me up, when I fell down.
Now here is your funny Friday.
from the bottom of my heart.