Hey there and welcome back to another edition of Moronic Monday. Where I hope that you are so distracted by my epically moronic stories from my past ( or present) and it gives you that little push to go forth and battle the dirty wench that is a Monday. I have a new found faith that you juicy warriors will kick Mondays ass this week and here is why.
I found out that I am not alone in my Moronic Acts. Yes I may take being a moron to extreme levels and do it often but really, I have a lot of company. So to help you today I have pulled some clips of people you may or may not know being morons to help show you that pretty much no matter what you do today you couldn’t be a bigger moron then them today.
First- I had accompanied my good friend Gail to her very serious very pompous and expensive matchy matchy Doctors appointment with the high end new 45 foot vaulted ceilings and interior design that rivals any show you have ever seen 10 huge HD TV’s in their empty waiting room by their expensive hard wood with opal inlaid tables. The snotty staff wore their custom made embroidered scrubs and had manicures and the works. When her 10 minute $750 medical appointment was over and she was again referred to another of his friends. Upon checking out the snot receptionist could barely look down her nose enough to breath the words with enough disdain, ” do you know where this office is?” Gail answered, ” no, I am not from here” Snot bag rolls her eyes heaves and then as if we were asking for bone marrow responds, ” it’s on Bienville Blvd….” I interject. ” Highway 90?” her “well yes” ( as it’s the same road only snots prefer to call it a Blvd as it sounds so much more preferable to them and throws off the out of town people and wont register on your GPS, but I am a local. So I say, ” Oh ok, well I am from here, so is it on the north side or the south side of 90?” The little shit looks at me squints her eyes and shakes her head and says in her snottiest and loudest voice, ” WELL IT DEPENDS ON WHICH WAY YOU ARE GOING !”.
I am giving you a minute.
me- ” actually honey, North will always be north, south will always be south, that’s why maps work, it’s really cool and considering south of highway 90, or Beinville Blvd just 1 block is a fucking BIG OCEAN I thought you might understand that no matter what way you are going that ocean is not going to switch sides, I guess that 8 week technical program and embroidered scrub and shitty attitude didn’t really make you any smarter now did it?”
at which point every single other office staff member busted out laughing.
Best part Gail and I pull out of the office make a left turn it’s the next building on the left. Yeah, she couldn’t say that. Apparently that was too complicated.
So hats off to people who spend their days trying to look way smarter than they will ever be. Because if you are a moron, just wave your flag proudly like me.
I AM A MORON AND I AM PROUD OF IT !
I have a lot of company ! Here’s some famous and non famous people that have had some seriously moronic moments.
Politics is hard yall! You are supposed to know every word, every topic, make everyone happy all the time, ask Bush or Reagan, everyone made fun of them all the time, but no one gets to make fun of the guys in office now, because well they are ground breakers? Screw that shit, I am going to keep up the time honored tradition of making fun of the asshats who are Morons that are running the country into the ground just like that last guys, sometimes faster, sometimes slower than the ones before.
To Pass Kindergarten in Mississippi my 5 year old had to know how many States our Country had and be able to name them. Apparently to get the job of being president you do NOT. You’re a Moron too Obama so Own it.
Being VicePresident is a super easy job, all you have to do is NOT shot someone in the face during a hunting trip then you can get elected president one day like Bush did. Well leave it to Biden to say something like this.
I’m not grammar natzi heck, I’m lucky if you can decipher what I am trying to write most of the time when I use my dialect writing with all my “Twainisms” but Dan Quayle made sure this kid will never forget this kid knows how to spell potato. Again this was on my kids spelling test in Mississippi 1st grade, apparently NOT needed to be a Vice President of the entire United States.
and now for just people who are probably just regular people who happened into some moronic moments, enjoy and be glad none of these things will happen to you today.
Go forth my juicy fruits you are now prepared for battle against the dirty wench that is Monday. Remember I got your back!