Hi guys, it’s here, Monday. No denying it. It’s basically laughing in our face letting us know it’s going to attempt to fall us like a huge oak tree onto a roof of our local happy spot. It’s our job to punch Monday in the throat/crotch and show it who is boss. I can’t help physically assist you, but I give you this mental ammo in hopes it will be like Monday butt kicking red bull to help you through your day.
I was missing for a few days. I am such a lucky person to have totally amazing ( and pretty famous) writers fill in for me doing guest posts often with little or no notice. I love them all and I hope you had the chance to see their post and visit their blogs.
The past 11 days have been pretty insane, and in my world that’s a hella high bar to jump over since I live in the land where insanity is not just the norm but the law.
So many crazy things happened that I can’t even tell you them all. So here’s a stream of words I used over the past 11 days from different conversations you take from what makes you giggle.
Seriously can I get gas like freaking now? My kingdom for a smoothie. I think I did something wrong. Yeah it’s just the right side of my face that is swollen up like that purple chick on Willy Wonka. Who did you email? What President? No I am positive I am not having a stroke. So I have to have a referral from my Dr to go to the Urgent Care, but she has 4 work days to return my phone consult? Excuse me can I go in front of you I need to ask that man for my panties back. I really don’t care but somebody is getting a stapler shoved up their butt here today. Kid please tell me you didn’t email THE “The President”. What the hell is a treemap? Can you just bribe them with cupcakes, I can make cupcakes. Dude that’s 120 freaking eggs you broke, on my deck!
But the winner of all insanity was this conversation-
Office Manager ( OM)- Ms Peachy we are going to need all of your medical records before we can decide to treat you.
Me- well I have the last 10 years and the DVD’s related specifically to what your specialty is.
OM- no, we have recently went completely paperless, we are a paperless office now, you can not bring them in, it has to be faxed.
Me- but it’s like 4500 pages, I would be happy to bring the discs in to you.
OM- No, we are paperless you HAVE to fax it or we can’t review it to decide if we will take your case. We have a new fax and new phone number just for this.
Me- that’s awesome how about if I email you the records in pdf ?
OM- NO, I think I made it perfectly clear it must be faxed we are paperless now.
Me- is this 1994?
OM- excuse me?
Me- well I get that you are super proud of your new fax machine but do you realize that it uses paper? Which means not only are you NOT paperless but my 4500 pages would turn into 9000 pages because then both of us would have a copy. What about Hippa?
OM- no you fax me yours then I have them, plus we don’t use Hippa here but we are in your insurance network.
Me- is this a real Doctors office?
OM- excuse me?
Me- look how about I drive over there, and stand at your desk make a buzzing noise and throw my records on the floor 1 sheet at a time and we pretend I am a fax machine.
OM- I don’t think we will accept your case
Me- Is your name Tilly? Do you guys have a mimeograph? I could probably work with that, but those new fangled fax machines just blow my mind.
OM- Don’t fax your records
Me- I hope you know your a Tree Murderer.
OM- click. dial tone ( similar to the one heard all over offices from 91 to 2007 when a fax was dialing)
So see I can’t have just a welcome back Moronic Monday post, because really I spent the past 11 days in a constant state of Mornonism. ( new word write it down).
So go forth today and kick some butt, if you get a chance go ahead and pretend to be a fax machine today in my honor.
PS- Oh and somehow my kid ( ThePrince) Managed to pull off finishing his science fair project without me getting arrested or searched by homeland security and it ended up being pretty good, he gets judged today at lunch time. A lot of you saw so many versions as he was working on it, and that’s awesome. Thank you. Here’s the final DVD he turned in with his project. (feel free to giggle at our accents.)