Please be advised that I have NO expertise ( despite what the massive spam on my site that I block says). Except I remain in the top listing in google for the search term ” epic asshattedness” NOT MAKING THIS UP. Google it. (now I rank for “robin willimas man junk” I am so proud.) Yes you can sit at my table during lunch, because I love you.
So if you send in your question, which you’re totally welcome to do, to email@example.com, PULEEZE for the love of baby cheeses know that your advice is coming from someone who is known for “epic asshattedness
** Special Shout out to Rachel for the Guest Post last week on the advice***
You can see her blog by clicking here, she’s running a contest so go ahead.
So here we go, please keep your arms and legs in the vehicle at all times and do not attempt to get up until the vehicle comes to a complete stop and the safety bar has lifted. Thank you and enjoy the ride.
Dear Peachy- I started dating this really sweet guy. Problem is he’s too sweet. Seriously it makes me consider an insulin pump may be needed to enter a relationship with him. He wont send food back, he apologizes to everyone even when it’s not his own fault. I feel like a real meanie when I am with him because he’s just too nice. Should I give it a shot ( of insulin) or just break it off now before anyone gets hurt.
Dating a Doormat
Dear Dating a Doormat- so what you are telling me is that you met a super nice guy that really likes you and you since you couldn’t find anything else to bitch about you picked the fact he was nice? Sorry but really? I mean I know back when we were cave dwelling nomads it was a good thing to be with the macho jerk who would fall a Mastadon but I would like to think we have evolved. He may be acting “extra” nice as you are in the dating stage and he is trying not to be an asshat. However I am betting you have a long line of ex’s in your closet that were utter jerks. The point is he isn’t so yeah dump him now, before you have the chance to ruin one of the few nice guys out there. xo ThePeachy1
Dear The Peachy1;
I am recently divorced. When my little girl was just 5 months old I found out my husband of 7 years had a 2 year old and the mother of that child was 8 months pregnant by him again. Needless to say my world shattered and it was something I haven’t gotten over. I divorced, went to therapy, dusted off my degree, buffed up my resume and rejoined the work force into the label of a single mom in a life you could have never told me would be mine. He moved in with his “other” family and my daughters 1st birthday is coming up. I can’t bare to see him because he is so happy, he has little to do with our daughter unless I make him. I have no clue how to handle it when one day my daughter asks how come Daddy has another family and she has older and younger brothers that he lives with. I re-entered the work force at a much lower paygrade and can not afford her all the wonderful things she would have had with a Mom AND a Dad. How can I do this?
thanks for listening,
Lost and Broken
Dear Lost and Broken- I am not a therapist, I am not licensed anywhere and have no formal training other than 4+ decades of life to pull from. Most of my answers are funny, this one is probably not, in addition I have sent you a private email. You said you have seen a therapist, it sounds like you might still have some things to talk about in a professional setting. Now here’s my take honey. You did not ask for this, as you pointed out that affair had to be going on for 3+ years of your 7 year marriage. When you broke up he went to her. You have a daughter together so you can’t just erase him or the pain he brought to your life. That sucks, there is no way around it sucking you have the right to think it sucks and he’s a piece of shit for leading another life you get to do that. For a time. But you said your daughter is just about to be 1 year old. She has no opinion on the situation and I want you to be able to filter yourself and your feelings as she grows. Before long she will read your emotions if she isn’t already. You have to get past the hurt victim status which is super hard I get it, but you can’t project that onto her. Let her form her own relationship with your Ex and his “other family” this does not lessen you or what happened and at some point she will indeed ask, and you will indeed need to answer in a fashion that does not make her unworthy and is age appropriate. The simple fact is, you are worthy, she is worthy, the unworthy one was him. He lost in this thing. The money issue- yeah it’s pretty common that when a woman returns to the workforce after a while off to be a wife and raise a child the $ isn’t the same, also the economy kind of sucks right now. I can tell you this. When my oldest 2 were little, I worked 2 jobs and went back to school and my house burned to the ground. I was so broke it was pathetic. Once every 2 weeks we would go to the local Denny’s and order a $1.99 breakfast slam with 3 waters and split it 3 ways. At one point we lived in a camper where our house had burned and slept in 1 bed and I had to microwave water to give them a bath. Funny thing is they are 21 and 19 and they both say that was a highlight in their lives. They didn’t care about the big house or the fancy things because we were always together, even if it was a foot in the eye or shivering in the bucket we used for a tub. 7 years later their lives become very comfortable financially and although it was awesome to give them everything they could have dreamed of we would still refer to the fun of our camping days. I am not saying this to lessen the situation you are going through, clearly your heart is still broken right now. I am telling you this because they were around 5 and 3. Things changed and then went in directions I could have never imagined. I promise to you that at her age and for the next maybe 8 or so years finance will NOT be a factor in her life unless you make it that. I hope said ding bat is paying Child support, if not run to Child Support Enforcement or your lawyer and drag his butt through court until he gets the point. Hang in there and now, you and your daughter will be ok, if that’s the path you choose. XOXOXO ThePeachy1
I have recently become a vegetarian after finding out the health benefits to myself and the nature of a meat eating life cycle. My question is, I read my dogs food ingredients. Totally not vegetarian. I asked my vet and he said dogs need protein from meat. But so do people and there are other ways do you think I should switch my dog over he’s a 5 year old husky and very healthy.
Going to the Dogs
Dear Going to the Dogs- easy, lay a raw steak in a food bowl in another lay some vegetarian dog food. Let him pick. I am not a vet and I am a carnivore. I will always love meat. I can’t believe they even make vegetarian dog food. I am all about quality not quantity. What I mean by that is if I can have 105 years of sucking down tofu and bean sprouts instead of 80 years of eating meat having alcohol and partying like it’s 1999 then I am going to chose B. I say this with a straight face, knowing I am over 1/2 way there and have lived this life to the fullest. I understand people wanting to be healthy and applaud that your body, your choice. If your dog is cool with the lack of meat in his diet and your vet says it’s ok then do what makes you happy. I like corn fed veal A LOT so if you switch him to a vegetarian lifestyle please send me your info so I will know where to find
him to eat him for his safety during a zombie attack . xo ThePeachy1
That’s end of the ride for today folks, remember 3 questions every Tuesday. send yours in to firstname.lastname@example.org
See, and this is why I love you.
You can slap the dumbass who wants a guy who is “less nice” (WTF?!) and tell the veggie lady that dogs eat meat and it’s all fine… but then you are fabulous and wonderful and totally honest to the lady who is recently divorced and heartbroken (and SHOULD BE!!).
Divorced lady – my situation is different than yours but Peachy is so right. It WILL get better. You are fortunate that your daughter won’t remember these harder times. And, sometimes, it will get worse. I thought I was A-OK after my divorce, then my company shut down and I couldn’t find a job. So, I went back to school full time, got some health insurance, I’m living off of loans and child support and in a 2 bedroom apartment with my kids who should NOT be sharing a room (7 & 10, girl & boy)… but they are happier here than with their dad in the 3000 sq ft house he has. It’s all about quality, not materialistic things. No, you aren’t the first one to get divorced but it’s the first time YOU have had to do it and it blows. Hard.
OK, new vegetarian lady… If you would have unprocessed meats and unprocessed veggies next to each other, you’d be healthier eating both. Healthier than you think you are eating your current vegetarian lifestyle. Please make sure you are eating plenty of protein and carbohydrates AND FATS. We need all three and you need almost as much protein as fats, believe it or not. So, please make sure you have a proper healthy FULL diet. My best friend went vegan for a while and he was “healthy” in that he retained muscle tone, was still active, etc., but in actuality he was unhealthy. He lost weight and lost the electrolytes and other things needed to a healthy vegan lifestyle.
As for your dog… Look, I get it. Some people see their dogs as little people. If you have an objection to killing animals, I get that also. If it’s purely dietary, give the dog an omnivore diet. That is what is most healthy for them. Unless you want to pump your dog full of vitamins and other minerals that meat provide for them (and no telling what other poisons made by the manufacturer), just give the dog some meat.
@ Miley- thanks, glad you liked it, somehow this day is not as funny as it used to be, it’s almost like people are asking real questions, I make it pretty clear that I am NOT the droid you’re looking for… But I can’t just turn a deaf finger tip to their questions.
Again more reasons why I am single.
When I read Dating a Doormat, all I could think was karma is a demon bitch from hell and if you dump a guy because he’s too nice, you’re pretty much guaranteed that you won’t meet another nice guy for a really, really, really long time. Then you spend years, alone, on your couch, with only your dog for company because you just can’t meet a nice guy… Not that I ever dumped a guy for being too nice. But I’ve built up some pretty solid bad dating karma over the years.
Thanks for the shout out Peaches! Love you bunches! (Last time I said that to my nephew, he said it back except it sounded like he said “Love you bitches” which also would have been appropriate)
LOL to the nephew. but Rachel I am pretty shocked you didn’t have input on the veggie dog issue? What’s Winstons opinion?
Winston would probably be pretty happy on a diet of broccoli. As long as it was properly steamed. And seasoned. And don’t forget the butter. I’d have to live in a tent outside. Or install ventilation fans in every room. I think he’d miss his chicken & rice when his tummy is upset though.
I think you’ve hit on something here Peachy. Next time I see a pet related question, I’ll have to consult with the Winston.
As usual … great NON advice ! !
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