Hi guys, it’s here, Monday. With a nip in the air and it’s basically laughing in our face letting us know it’s going to attempt to fall us like a huge oak tree onto a roof of our local happy spot. It’s our job to punch monday in the throat/crotch and show it who is boss. I can’t help you, but I give you this ammo in hopes it will be like Monday butt kicking red bull to help you through your day.
I was a single mom many moons ago. I drove some of the biggest POS cars on the planet. I had to put water in at every red light and then push start it ( see- always bring friends). One lovely car if I came to a stop I had to slam the clutch and gas at the same time and could not come to a full stop or it would die only to be jumped off. ( see: strange looks from men when you say, will you jump me?) One the entire electrical systems had a complete fail and I would drag my kids out of their car seats through the sun roof and myself in heels and a dress for my GVT job. One darling POS even had a cooler and bungee cord for the seat and seat belt. Needless to say I owned some remarkably crappy cars back in the day. Never mind the ones that looked normal but did things like catch on fire or that you drove or driving in a sleeping bag because it had no heat. I remember the broken clutch cable on the trip to Dayton for Spring break decades ago where I used vice grips, and fake finger nail glue to “make it through”. But my juicy fruits this one is not really about me it’s about my 21 year old daughter.
See my Sam is very independent, mature, and resourceful. She can drag a 5th wheel behind her by her ear rings and actually is completely non male dependent. However she does in fact recognize the power of the female. As in you can go to a bar and drink and get as much liquor as you want free. However this particular story is about her POS and her independence.
She drives a 1989 Buick Century. Full on POS, same age as her, it’s a trashy metal beast of a wreck, but thanks to student loans and working her way through college she is enduring the POS experience. I wish we could buy her a new fancy car and a mechanic but alas this will just be considered “character building”.
So here’s a little audio clip sent to me in an email from someone to show what happens to young ladies who are handed fancy cars with crazy things like warranties.
Yeah and now that your laughing your butt off at the audacity of the man and sheer bewilderment of the female on the phone. This only makes me laugh.
Because this weekend my daughter came home from college, her and I ventured to a self serve auto salvage yard. We went in with our tool bag and pulled a couple drivers side front blinkers off similar models to her car. It cost us $7.00. It was cold, and we were indeed the only people with ovaries there. There was no meek ” oh sir can you help me and my breasts possibly get this part?” batting of the eyelashes. We simply climbed through crumpled cars, pried open hoods and punched out light covers. We got a little greasy. I wore my pink baseball hat and she had on a sweater dress over jeans along with her danglingly earrings. Nasty looking men in over alls surrounded us and I must admit we garnered more than one very long stare.
Then we found out we were blocked in by a Hummer with a trailer. Really, because if you can afford a hummer you probably shouldn’t be dragging a trailer to the U-Pull it salvage yard and then blocking in 30 + cars. She got flusted in the midst of her 30 point u-turn and I said let momma take a shot. As I skillfully turned and backed that Buick out of the maze men trapped in the same predicament stopped to stare, one actually said, ” wow honey you could drive a big rig”. My reply, ” I have”. You see the true stealth of a southern bell is we clean up really nice, we smile a lot and have sugary sweet manners, but we absolutely know how to take care of ourselves right down to working on our POS cars and pulling the needed parts.
On the way home I told her the story of the time I went with a very “financially set” boyfriend down to the keys, when on the Florida Turnpike his Thermostat stuck on his Lincoln and a belt broke. In a bikini top and shorts I climbed up on his hood and knocked out his thermostat and replaced his hose with a pair of panty hose from my suit case, then calmly explained we would be fine now. He stood dumbfounded and simply said, “that is pretty much the sexiest thing I have ever seen.”
With our nails done, and high heels, we can work magic. Independent, smart women. I am glad I raised my daughter that way. It makes me feel safe that she is out in the world with those skills and that confidence. I am also glad she knows when to bat her eyelashes and and look coy when assistance is needed. She is the perfect balance. Some man will be very lucky one day. When college is over and her debts are paid I want her to get a car and a plan that she will never even need to change a tire on, but she will always know how just in case.
Can I get a big Hell Yeah for redneck girls like me.
PS- anyone/ company that wants to help pay for her college or put her in a vehicle that doesn’t break down weekly please contact me ASAP at firstname.lastname@example.org if anyone deserves it it’s her.