Please be advised that I have NO expertise ( despite what the massive spam on my site that I block says). Except I remain in the top listing in google for the search term ” epic asshattedness” NOT MAKING THIS UP. Google it. (now I rank for “robin willimas man junk” I am so proud.) Yes you can sit at my table during lunch, because I love you.
So if you send in your question, which you’re totally welcome to do, to email@example.com, PULEEZE for the love of baby cheeses know that your advice is coming from someone who is known for “epic asshattedness”.
There are often questions mailed in that I simply can not answer, then there are those that if I answered them I would be seen as a horrible troll werewolf zombie killing kitten kicker. So here’s a few that are clearly beyond my non qualified non expertise. Maybe you have an answer?
I am considering a multi species relationship. However I am seeing a Unicorn and a Pegasus and can’t decide which one to go all the way with.
Torn between 2 lovers
Dear Torn between 2 lovers- uhm med adjustments may be needed ASAP. But if you dated the Pegasus would you fly for free? On the upside the Unicorn is always horny. xo ThePeachy1
My mom is dating a loser, she’s 53 and my dad died 11 years ago. I get her wanting someone around but this dude is an ubber jerk and I hate his guts. Just a super corny moocher and schmuck. Help.
Anti Schmuck club
Dear Anti Schmuck club- ok clearly your mom has a different set of standards to judge dude by, or maybe you are pulling and OEDIPUS REX? good luck xo ThePeachy1
I chew my toenails. In private but recently I was relaxed with my BF and had a jagged spot. He freaked out and told me how gross I was. I remember watching my dad do it as a kid. Is it like bugger picking and everyone does it but just in private?
Toes R Us
Dear Toes R Us- nope it’s totally fine and normal, by normal I mean also with the nose picking and public farting/burping. Throw in kissing your sister/brother at family reunions and you have a trifecta of awesome. By awesome I mean you will be a lonely cat/dog lady. Have you no clue about the real world? EWW no xo for you I know where your mouth has been ThePeachy1
That’s it my darlings, and now you know why I found these so hard to answer without being a twit or worse. Send them your advice in the comment section. Also send in your questions for next week to firstname.lastname@example.org