Please be advised that I have NO expertise ( despite what the massive spam on my site that I block says). Except I remain in the top listing in google for the search term ” epic asshattedness” NOT MAKING THIS UP. Google it, I have been 3 and 4 for over 2 months. So proud. So if you send in your question, which you’re totally welcome to do, to email@example.com, PULEEZE for the love of baby cheeses know that your advice is coming from someone who is known for “epic asshattedness”.
Proud to announce I am featured over on OverThinkingMama today
for her TellAllTuesday interview part II.
My sister is getting married and I have been helping her plan and pick and get everything together. It has been a lot of fun, but a lot of stress. Constant running and changing and planning. I am trying to work really hard to make her wedding day special for her and the wedding of her dreams since our parents live so far away and are not in a situation to help pay for it. The problem is she just told me that I will not be the maid of honor and instead it will be a college friend she hasn’t seen for years and since it’s a small wedding I am cut from the wedding party. I am hurt to the core because of this. I love my sister and we have always been close. I know this is because I dated her fiancées best friend and it didn’t work out because he was a real pushy ass, and he is going to be the best man. To think I will be left out of this special day really hurts and every time she calls me to help her with something I want to scream it’s not my job. How should I handle this.
Kicked to the curb
Dear Kicked to the Curb, Helping your sister ( or anyone) plan a wedding is a huge undertaking. I applaud you for stepping up and being there for her. Your sister will need you more when this marriage goes full speed into the shitter because she realizes her husband is part of the card carrying moron club and. I am assuming he is behind this with help from his friend so yeah it wont last long, unless your sister is a huge brainless twit either way your going to need lots of kleenex and wine to get her and you through this start stocking up on those with the money you saved by not buying the ugly ass dress you know the bitch would have made you wear. Good luck xo ThePeachy1
I saw your advice to the person last week about precious snowflake children and try outs. You are so mean. Children are a gift from god and each one is a precious snowflake. I think that people like you who have “perfect” children need to stop being so judgmental and realize this world would be a kinder place if we all openly loved each and every child. Everyone should play and everyone should get a trophy.
Calling you out
Dear Calling you out- BAWAHAHAH, oh sorry I am laughing at you right now. Obviously you have no clue of who I am or my life. As far as the perfect children I have please go and read this story from my archives. Then come back here and we will talk about precious snowflakes. Also I would suggest you NOT get a shirt saying you want to love every child. Unless you are Michael Jackson. Which would make this really creepy since you emailed me 3 days ago and he is dead. Say Hi to Elvis for me and see if you can get the lotto numbers. ThePeachy1
Dearest Peaches. I need help, my twin daughters got scholarships to 2 different colleges in 2 different states. The only option I see is to get an apartment in between them but I don’t want to rent out my house because we have put so much money in it and I know renters would not respect it. I can’t stand the thought of not being able to see them on a weekly basis but my husband says we can’t leave the house empty. Your guidance would be appreciated.
Double Trouble Mom
Dear DoubleTrouble Mom- You have 2 choices, let them go out into the world with the life skills you gave them and make choices and learn, or convert those scholarships into my daughters name. On the upside you and your husband can take up new hobbies like naked ping pong and other fun stuff. Do not freak out about them moving out, because if they are close to you and you are freaked it could rub off on them and they could get freaked and then you just have a family full of freaked out women. Which will probably make your husband start drinking and since he will be naked with a ping pong paddle it will probably involve the cops and local news, then you will be writing me with a new problem. xoxo ThePeachy1
so that’s it for this week friends, other than this awesome cartoon sent to me by a reader.
OMG, tell that person with the children thing to get a frickin life!!!! How are these kids ever going to learn what life is like if everyone always makes the team and gets a trophy?
As always.. perfect, well timed advice!
ps: what Tawnya said.
Dear Kicked to the Curb,
This is like 27 Dresses meets The Wedding Date. I’d advise you to call your sister out in a very public venue and hire a gigolo to accompany you to the wedding. Sure there will be some tears along the way, but in the end, you get the super hot guy.
Dear Calling You Out,
The post last week was about school sponsored sports. Which are paid for by my tax dollars. If every precious snowflake plays and everyone gets a trophy, you can pay for it.
The Heat Miser
Dear Double Trouble Mom,
WTF?!?! I am embarrassed on your daughters’ behalves.
I am sensing a guest post from you in the near future LOL
Hee hee hee. And for the record naked ping pong is really not all that it is cracked up to be. A good “friend” told me.
I always wondered about that. I mean honestly those little white balls can get going pretty fast, and how would you explain those bruises at your next physical.
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Yes!! I’ll go ahead and stock up on cheap liquor. I’ve found I give much better advice after a few drinks.
Good gawd..SNOWFLAKES??? Lady stop hitting the scrapbooking glue and put the puff paint down! Most children are spitting images of their bastard parents raised by none other than…oh wait for it…YOU SNOWFLAKE QUEEN…you leave in your wake a generation of nasty “gimme gimme” and “I want I want”, so to you I say THANK YOU…for playing a part in unemployment and Volvo sales…
” Then come back here and we will talk about precious snowflakes.”
Love your blog!
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