Please be advised that I have NO expertise ( despite what the massive spam on my site that I block says). Except I remain in the top listing in google for the search term ” epic asshattedness” (Not making this up the link to the screenshot is right here. ) So if you send in your question, which your totally welcome to do, to firstname.lastname@example.org, PULEEZE for the love of Christ on a Bike know that your advice is coming from someone who is known for “epic asshattedness”.
I noticed you posted that you were sick with the plague or eboli or possibly death. How do you suggested I don’t catch that? Also can I have your awesome shoe collection if you kick it.
Dear ShoeWhore- Wow thanks so much for your fake concern over my health. The only way to not catch what I have is to but the biggest tupperware bowl you can find and seal yourself inside. Downside is, the view isn’t that great it’s all fuzzy also you suffocate quickly, so just take your vitamins and wash your hands. As far as my shoes, shut up, my family and friends will have those picked over before they can get my body out of here. Love The Peachy1
I am so hot this summer. It is insane. How can I cool off?
Dear Hot One- Yes it’s friggin hot as hell this year. If you don’t have a pool you could buy a wetsuit and go to Sea World and just pretend to be a trainer, by jumping in the tanks. Uhm try not to by a wetsuit that looks like a fish or a seal. Just in case. Love ThePeachy1
My kids will NOT stop fighting with each other. They fight over anything and everything and I can not get them to stop. I don’t know if I can wait for school to start. How can I get some silence.
Dear Had Enuff- yeah I think every parent says that their kids fight over everything. I noticed you said how do I get silence instead of how do I teach them to be better people or make them stop? If you want silence see the disease prevention tip I gave above in question #1. However if you want your kids to stop fighting, at least where you don’t hear or see it. Take a page out of my parenting book. Always let them clearly know the rules. Always clearly let them know when the violate it immediately and that there will be consequence. Always follow through with it. When my kids would reach boiling point status I would do things like load them in the car and drive them to random Nursing Homes ask the staff if they could sing songs and pass out hugs. My kids hated it and me. The old people loved it, even if it was row row row your boat. In the end those old people won out, and my kids learned that one day you will be lonely and something as simple as a hug can make your day. Eventually my kids started acting like humans. Not sure if it was because of the nursing homes or because I threated to send them to Military Schools and Convents. Either way I won. Love, ThePeachy1
You really drove your kids to nursing homes and made them sing?
Is that legal these days?
I mean I don’t want my son to realize he could sic CPS on me and get taken away.
Wait. Maybe that’s not such a bad idea.
Thankfully, I have supersized feet to go with my Amazonian body, so I don’t have to worry about people calling dibs on my shoes. However, many of my friends have called dibs on my jewelry. Is there really any better compliment than “I get that when you die”?
And I think it’s completely awesome that you did that with your kids. I think I’m probably the only lawyer in this area who makes house calls to the elderly, but they all remind me of my grandparents, who were actually lucky enough to be surrounded by caring family until the very end. It breaks my heart when I go nursing homes and see how lonely everyone is.
Hellz yeah! Make em sing in nursing homes, clean the dog poop out of the yard..volunteer in a homeless shelter…and I DARE them to sic CPS on me. Like I told my son the one ( and only ) time he threatened to do this to me… “go ahead and call them, because by the time they get here, I will have given them a reason to come” – he never called and never threatened that again.
I’m a nursing student and I have had to do a clinical rotation in a nursing home. I did not like it. Nay! I hated it! I think bringing fighting children to the nursing home is a terrific punishment! You are brilliant!
Yes I did make my children go around singing ( out of tune) at random nursing homes every where we lived, even when they were good we always went 1 time in summer and 1 time when it was colder. We would just pull in, go the nurses station and I would say ‘Hi were the hug -a -bunch crew and we are here to just say hi, hold hands, give hugs and sing, do you have any special patients that would like to have us visit or would you like us to roam the hallways?” The nurses and the residents were ALWAYS pleased. Tomorrow I will right an entire post about things I “made” my kids doing growing up.
Ok so I didn’t write it today. Yeah yeah whatever.. it’s Wednesday you know dry hump day. give me a break. It’s coming eventually.
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