Witness Protection – Moronic Monday

Hi guys, it’s here, Monday. No denying it. It’s  basically laughing in our face letting us know it’s going to attempt to fall us like a huge oak tree onto a roof of our local happy spot. It’s our job to punch Monday in the throat/crotch and show it who is boss.  I can’t help physically assist you, but I give you this mental ammo in hopes it will be like Monday butt kicking red bull to help you through your day.

As you know I should be sealed in bubble wrap am probably a little accident prone. But in my domain I am pretty much She Ra master of killing anything that anything that invades.  Because I am I live in the sticks and a lot of things get in my house and try to kill me and I would die if I didn’t try to kill it first that bad ass.

As you know I suffered the deadly “Ants in The Pants” issue last year,  and the “Fire Crotch” story,  and well seriously who could forget good old “Panty -Gate“,  so I am well experience and stay prepared at all times for any fiasco to go down or so I thought.

This past Friday night I was was walking from my hallway toward the family room when I was confronted with this.

swa, spider with an attitude,  attacked, cornered, drive by spider,

this is NOT good, not good at all. See his switchblade and gun? yeah, like the venom and gold fangs aren't enough?

I was cornered, scantly clad I accessed my situation and realized I only had marshmallows .  Don’t freaking judge me people, I was under attack and clearly my life is in jeapordy from this pissed off, softball sized, sideways hat wearing,gold tooth dollar sign having , bling sporting, swagger sporting, cigar smoking spider.

I realized that wasting my precious marshmallows by throwing them at him would be pointless and I had to call the droid for back up.

It was ugly and Pedro the spider was annihilated  with extreme prejudice.  Without even thinking about it I gave the Droid a big shout out on Twitter and face book and then it hit me.

OH MY BOB !     That was a gang land spider !   We killed a gang spider and then we very publicly  admitted it.  Now we have to worry about drive by spiderings and such and retaliation..  this is just not good.    I hope we end up some place tropical ..



* Disclaimer-  1/2 a bag of marshmallows were eaten due to the extreme stress of the entire situation.  I blame Jauvier Juan  Michael Smitty Pedro Lucas Jonathon Blake Columbus O’riely .  AKA  Pedro the Spider..  street name   “Crazy legz”  RIP dude.*

***  Do you know what could also make your Monday suck less?  Winning a freaking Google TV.  yeah you heard me.  Google TV.  This means you watch what you want when you want, how you want, anytime.  It’s pretty much  like taking a hot fresh doughnut and dipping it in melted down awesome.  You know you want it. Do you know who is giving away Google TV?  I do.   You ready.  It’s Anissa and the Aiming Low Gang.  Who else?  Yeah.  I have the link. Just click here.  I love you that much.  If you win it, you have to tell me all about it and take pictures  with it and send them to me.  Now go win.  ****

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9 Responses to “Witness Protection – Moronic Monday”

  1. Brandon says:

    Spiders with attitude? Ice Cube would be proud.

    I don’t blame you for calling in backup. That spida looks crazy!

  2. asradee says:

    throwing marshmallows… would be fail.. but what about hitting him with the whole damn bag.???

  3. Rachel says:

    FYI, I held out as long as I could on the whole going to the bathroom thing. But you know how it is once you start thinking about it. Then you REALLY have to pee. Decisions have to be made. Wet the bed v. risk being attacked by spiders hiding under the toilet seat and having them crawl all up in your business. In the end, Winston told me to stop being such a freaking baby. I made a run for the bathroom and squatted over my own freaking toilet to avoid any deadly run ins.
    Rachel recently posted..One for the record books

  4. From what I have heard, accident prone is not even the word to describe it. They need to come up with a new phrase for your condition. Maybe they could call it “peached” or “peachy”. lol
    Oilfield Trash recently posted..The Zombies Are Here

  5. That spider looks so badass. I wonder what kind it was? We put a glass jar on top of wayward spiders and set them outside but they usually find their way back in.

    Fun drawing Peach!
    The Animated Woman recently posted..WTF vs OMG

  6. Derek w. says:

    I say I bring an scorpion from Arizona over and we have a caged death match! I heard “finger” snapping and saw a gang of scorps. Was your spider wearing blue? ‘Cause my scorpion gang was wearing red! Turf war!

  7. Cheryl S. says:

    I think that spider’s brother showed up in my house a few years ago! I came home from work, flopped down on my bed, looked up at the wall and saw 8 hairy legs.

    I was living with a friend at the time and I ran into her bedroom and woke up her boyfriend. I begged him to come kill the ginormous spider in my room. He rolled his eyes, assuming I was just being a girl. YEAH. Not so much. When he actually saw the beast, he backed out of my bedroom to “think”. He finally was able to vanquish the monster, but not without a fight!

  8. For tha love of BOB, have you forgotten who you are, woman?! You are THE BOOMSLANG SISTER…holder of deadly venom! You totally could’ve taken Pedro with one strike! He would have been gangsta-spidah HISTORY!
    The Reckmonster recently posted..Do you believe in soul mates

  9. Peach. The main problem with spiders who are all ganged-up is not the individual spider. It’s his crew.

    I would seriously consider leaving a few roaches around as offerings. Try the brown kind with legs and the left over doobie kinds as well.

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