I’m probably not even a criminal maybe.

The past 16 or so days have been a complete and utter whirl wind of insanity.  Between regular work,  then these  new social media seminars I am teaching in person and via telcon that’s enough to push a girl into a blender of xanax.  But throw in the 7am weekend or 5pm weekday baseball practices and games for the Prince you have to pour a bottle of vodka in that blender.  Then of course all the fun exciting medical drama and day to day stuffs that call for chocolate so please throw a couple Lindt White Chocolate balls in the Blender and you have the Perfect Cocktail to cure my daily woes.

As you know I have “some issues”  being in public.  But when I have the Prince with me I work very hard to set a good example  of how to be a considerate and caring member of society. He’s on spring break, so I have him and his best bud.  I was doing some work errands and we had been out running about 4 hours,  we had witnessed the redneck  wwf foul mouthed pimp/ho fight at WalMart ( aka Devil Mart) which is the LAST place on earth I would shop if I had options. ( read about the NSFW PG-13+ fight here ) So I had taken the opportunity to lecture the boys on how that acting like that in public just makes you look silly no matter the reason, and that people have the ability of words, written and verbal.  Also I believed it was a fine example of evolution.  It lead to the discussion of the pen being mightier than the sword and blah, and how we should be kind to each other and blah.

We finally headed back to podunkville and the land of 2 lane roads with VERY  deep ditches on both sides headed back to the country I see a man flip and roll an ATV ( 4 wheeler) in the ditch. I slam brakes and cut onto the side road jump out and jump into the ditch in heels to check on him.  I am relieved to find out he is ok, even if it’s just the adrenaline he popped out from underneath it.  All 350+ lbs of him. Yep he was a big ‘un.  With out thinking I said, ” Oh baby you scared me ! ”  He replied, ” Lady I scared me too!”  I didn’t see exactly how he flipped since the speed limit is 55 I came up just as the front wheels were in the air to see them finish flipping.

At first he tried to get on it, and start it, he wasn’t sure how to start it and had it fully choked, I asked him if he was sure if he was ok to drive or if there was someone I could call for him?  He just kept saying no, I’m fine I gotta go.   So I walked over and said, “here baby, you’re flooding it”.

I set the choke and started it for him, I told him not to try to ride it out of the ditch. But instead walk along side it, while he drives it out.  He instead sitting on it, drove the damn thing over the stop sign and street sign and flipped it back into the ditch and when the signs went down they nearly hit my car.

This time when it rolled he dove off and dove clear, all 350lbs of big boy rolled clear. He was pouring sweat like a lawn sprinkler.  Granted it was midday in the deep south and he was quite a big guy, with a knit cap on, in what could ONLY be described as a high stress situation.   Plus if it weren’t for the massive amounts of adrenaline I am sure this late 20’s early 30’s gentlemen would be full of so many aches and pains or internal bleeding he would be in an ER.

Again I set the choke, start the beast and show home pickle how to walk said 4 wheeler out of the steep ditch rather than trying to ride it.  He got it up and hopped on her and sped off full speed down the little side road and NEVER looked back.

Not a thanks, not a nod, no glance over his shoulder nothing. He was gone from sight in moments once it was out of the ditch he was history just like Columbus baby.

I got back in my van thinking wow is he lucky, I hope he ends up being ok.  Things like internal injuries, spinal injuries, and other things went through my mind, and I hoped that it wouldn’t come back to haunt him.  I took that opportunity to discuss safety with the boys, and to be aware of your surroundings, how you should always be a good Samaritan, how you reach out to your fellow man, but be safe.

I pulled out onto the little country road and ended my speech and turned on the radio when I saw this.   Well not exactly this, this is actually a recreation.

ATV for sale, but only 2 are present, I may be an accomplice allegedly

it says 3, I only see 2 OH MY BOB

About a mile down the road I am quite positive just like in a cartoon a little light bulb appeared over my head for the world to see.

The sign said 3 Red ATV’s were for sale.  A panicked man who did not know how to ride an ATV not far from that house had flipped one into a ditch and I had helped him get out of the ditch and he road away with a knitted hat, sweating buckets in such a hurry he didn’t even thank me.

Let’s not jump to conclusions here,  this poor innocent man could have been riding his friends vehicle, or have just purchased it or been on his way to wash oil off a dolphin

OH MY FREAKING BOB YALL I HELPED  A CRIMINAL STEAL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I AM AN ACCOMPLICE AND  I HAD THE KIDS WITH ME.  GASP, BAG BAG BAG, need a bag, must breath, heh heh, heh, deep breath deep breath.

There was nothing on the news, and when I had to pass by there again today I wasn’t sure really which house it was, but there were no ATV’s or signs. So there’s really nothing I can do about it anyway.  Allegedly.



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4 Responses to “I’m probably not even a criminal maybe.”

  1. Justin says:

    You crack me the hell up.
    Justin recently posted..Crazy Texas Laws

  2. Chunk Mama says:

    Holy crap, how did you keep your shit together when you figured it out??
    And by the way, this could ONLY have happened to YOU.

  3. OMG. That was FUNNY. Your expressions are half the fun Peach, I love it. Great ending too!
    The Animated Woman recently posted..The Last SNOWMAN

  4. […] Remember the post from March 30, 2011, where I said, ” I’m probably not even a Criminal Maybe? ”    NO?  well here’s the link. […]

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