WTH Wednesday the jokes for Hump Day

wthwed

Happy Dry Hump Day y’all.  This means in just 2 short days we will be all hunky dory with the weekend groove and stuff.
So let’s induldge in a little humor shall we?

So here are some more jokes sent in by readers.

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The wife and I were sitting around the breakfast table one lazy Sunday morning.

I said to her, “If I were to die suddenly, I want you to immediately sell all my stuff.”

“Now why would you want me to do something like that?” she asked.

“I figure that you would eventually remarry and I don’t want some other
asshole using my stuff.”

She looked at me and said, “What makes you think I’d marry another asshole?”

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What  Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever  wonder about those people who say they are giving more than  100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants  you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up  100% in life?

Here’s a little mathematical  formula that might help you answer these  questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J  K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z

Is represented  as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19  20 21 22 23 24 25  26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11  =  98%

And

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5  = 96%

But ,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5  = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20  = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take  you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G

1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7  = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical  certainty, that While Hard work and Knowledge will get you  close, and Attitude will get you there, its  the Bullshit and Ass  kissing that  will put you over the top.

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The mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that her daughter was having sex…
Worried the girl might become pregnant and adversely impact the family’s status, she consulted the family doctor.
The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful and any attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and until then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms.
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the mother told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms.
The girl burst out laughing and reached over to hug her mother, saying,
‘Oh Mom! You don’t have to worry about that! I’m dating Susan!

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and finally -

A Doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa . ‘The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks corrode your stomach lining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water. However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?’
After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, ‘Wedding Cake.’
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Ok that’s it people just 2 more days we can totally do this.  Also if you email ( which I friggin LOVE)  Make sure to let me know what you are sending,  for example The Non Advice Column, or random funny jokes or pictures, or for which site. I am become horrible at sorting out all the emails.  Keep em coming y’all  beingpeachy@gmail.com

XOXO

PEACH OUT


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4 Responses to “WTH Wednesday the jokes for Hump Day”

  1. Miley says:

    Ohhh, lots about the marriage being hell stuff… Can’t wait for Justin to get here and rant lmao

    As for the “I don’t want the next asshole using all my stuff” one – puh-leez. The next asshole I marry is going to have more money than the last one.

  2. Holly B says:

    I’m dating Susan!!! Bwwwaaaahahhhaaaa!!

  3. ThePeachy1 says:

    I know right? LOL… hello 2010, throw out the old parenting manuals folks, and chose the lessor of 2 evils.

  4. Justin says:

    Well once again, I am staying single for life now. lol

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