Safe Words

dirty servant atm

So there I was for the first time in my life SPEECHLESS….

See my 21 year old daughter had come home from college for a couple days, and we had to run by the banks for her. Yes I said the banks. Because apparently not only is my daughter a better person, a smarter person, a more sober person, she is also better with money, so much better that she uses 3 banks. Yes 21, putting herself thru college, and 3 banks. All with money in them? WTH?  How did this happen?  I am not looking a gift horse in the mouth here people, I support her success  whole heartedly I mean she is the one who will pick out and probably pay for my nursing home in a few years.

I don’t know maybe she took my philosophy on how to be an adult, ” just do the opposite of your parents”. It seemed to work for me. I mean I got a kid in college, paying her own way legally and stuff and wow, she has all these bank accounts and no debt.. ( I know again with the WTH?).

If you have been reading along you have seen my praises about my daughter, and how she is so on track with the non drinking and non dating and not wanting to get distracted until she is done with college and secure with herself and  blah blah blah, basically the complete opposite of everything I did. Which was advance drinking 303, right before I changed majors 3 kabillion and five times before dropping out to become a proam drinker just a mere semester prior to the degree.  But alas life on the road was too much and I settled down.

So as we pulled up to the last bank she didn’t need to go in she used the ATM and it asked her enough questions to determine the  color of her under garments and she was getting steamed.  Then it took too long to print out the receipt.   She the did the unthinkable as she jerked the harmless little piece of paper out.  She cursed at the ATM.


I said in my best Mommy voice, ” Honey you know your on tape when you use those ATM’s ?”

She looked at me with a look like I had just insulted her intelligance then turned to the machine and started.

samantha my daughter spring break 09 in new orleans

boo ! EEK !

” To whoever is watching this.  As much as I pay you to babysit my money, as much as I pay you in your  fees, you need to know this.  I cussed at your machine. I didn’t punch it, but I can. As much of my money as you suck away without providing me at the very least a human with a substandard IQ  to deal with I should be able to slap your machine around, and your machine should talk dirty to me, instead of just words on a screen I should get to select the voice and accent and an option to choose the level of filth I complete my financial transaction in.  In fact, I want to feel like I need a drink when I leave this ATM, I want it to be so Raunchy my ATM has a safe word. That would be customer service worth paying for.”

She then drove away as if nothing had just happened.

Ok she is totally my daughter… and I want to be her when I grow up.

dirty servant atm

this could be a new kind of financial services?

You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

8 Responses to “Safe Words”

  1. Holly B says:

    I would have cried tears of pride if this was my daughter. To her.. I say you go girl. And it is true, they seem to always be so much smarter than we were/are. Course I still take credit for my dd’s

  2. The Pony Lady says:

    Nice ball gag.

  3. anissa says:

    that’s MY kid!

  4. AmazingGreis says:

    I would totally put my money in a bank whose ATM machines talked dirty to me. Heck, I might use the machine more that way too!!!

  5. I think I’m love with your daughter.

  6. ThePeachy1 says:

    I just called Sam and she had the following responses.
    @Holly – do not cry momma bear the force is strong with your young jedi also.
    @The Pony Lady- from your name, I will take that as a compliment and assume you know your product.
    @anissa – yes I am your daughter… I am still working on mayhuba, our plan will be complete soon.
    @amazinggreis- Thank you, I do believe I will be putting together a marketing plan for Bank America with this idea
    @TheBloggess- cool, I will think of you next time I’m naked in the cemetery, since I am in college that could be tonight.

  7. I love this! I hope my son comes home someday with money in three accounts and no debt…

    Nice job, Mom!

  8. […] in on a little secret weapon. My Daddy. If you have read along for any period of time you realize my daughter and my Daddy are endless pools of humor. Although at very opposite ends of the funny […]

Leave a Reply

CommentLuv badge

Ping RSS