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Tell It Tuesday- Non Avice

St Baldricks Why is Daddy crying, non advice

Even if you don’t want to read the Non Advice which really isn’t helping anyone I do ask you go to the very bottom and click on the @WhyIsDaddyCrying picture.  It is!

Please be advised that I have NO expertise ( despite what the massive spam on my site that I block says). Except I remain in the top listing in google for the search term ” epic asshattedness” NOT MAKING THIS UP. Google it. )(now I rank for several other horrific things including “robin willimas man junk” and “justank beaver” I am so proud- click here and see.

TELL IT TUESDAY- A NON ADVICE COLUMN

HI Peachy,

I live in a noxious home. Between my husband, my two boys and the 3 dogs. There is always a strong stank of fart in my home. I know it’s in the carpets and drape and furniture. No amount of febreeze or plug ins will help. Any advice?

signed,
Stinkage Sufferer

Dear Stinkage Sufferer,    I have a black lab that every winter lays with her butt toward the fireplace prompting me to sit nearby holding my breath and a fire extinguisher. I am sure her farts will shoot her projectile  style across the family room when the chimney finally ignites them. I can not even imagine 3 humans and 3 dogs STANKING up the place.  Do you feed them a lot of brussle sprouts and beans? Or any other fart famous food?  I have  a couple of ideas and you could make a profit on the side.   #1 Buy stock in bean-o.  #2 Buy actual Bean-o in bulk ( or if your a blogger you could get them as a sponsor?).  Make them take it daily like vitamins in fact you painstakingly carve/shape them like Flinstones and use food coloring to convince them.  Then you should also probably crush up some and add them to every meal.   You might also want to consider purchasing one of these.

Best wishes… Peachy1

2 options- Maybe go for both? You could totally pull of the gas mask look.

*******************************************************

Dear Peach;

My nieghbors are insane.  They have 8 cars in their yard in addition to a boat and a camper.  They are loud and always half dressed.  I want them OUT but we don’t have a HOA.  Any advice?

Thanks,
Wanting them Gone

Dear Wanting them Gone.  So you are seeing troublesome Jed Clampett type neighbors I am seeing exotic new friends.  Clearly they have assets 8 cars?  Excellent, a camper and a boat?  Heck to the yeah. You could probably get a boat trip for the cost of a 6 pack of Pabst Blue Ribbon or gallon jug of MD 20/20. The camper? Perfect guest room for your visiting in laws, that should slow down those pesky visits.  I am seeing your obviously a glass half full kind of girl, because loud neighbors with tons of goodies is a plus in my book.  I am guessing they are probably also gun collectors HUGE BONUS. It sounds like the type of neighbor that would shoot a burglar climbing through your window for you and then drag the body into the street or maybe throw it off a bridge for you. ( so if you lock yourself out tell them before you send your spouse to climb through a window or it could end badly) Still if you’re not sold on the idea of them being neighbors you can always do the sure fire run off the neighbors  protocol I have perfected.  Step #1 have a garage sale, every weekend really early, and have people block their driveway.  If they come over and buy stuff, wait 12 hours and “borrow it back then don’t return it. Then put it in next weekends garage sale with a higher price tag”.  In fact step 2 is to actually borrow stuff, constantly, especially things you can’t return. ” Can I borrow your toilet paper?” ” uhm no but you can have it.”  If you have to escalate it, borrow their vehicles and leave them along side of the road and then when they see you’re home but their car isn’t say something like, ” I can’t believe how inconsiderate you are. You should really warn someone about that broken gas gage, it’s on HWY 53″ then slam the door all mad and stuff..  But if neither of these ideas seem to be up your alley, then just build a fence..  Good fences make good neighbors.  I was really worried when the lady down the road built a chicken coop, until I found out I can get fresh eggs.   Also you said they are half dressed?  Which half? Here’s some pictures to help you get a baseline on bad and not so bad, any of these could be from my neighborhood, and it’s a great place to live. Love,  ThePeachy1


xo

PEACH OUT…

PS-  Thank you for all of your support and help with The Princes Science Fair Project, watching the videos, leaving him comments, sending him ideas, yesterday he won overall.  So this means he goes to Regionals March 16 !

PSS-  Everyones Favorite Whiny Guy ” Why is Daddy Crying” let me know last night that HIS little Prince has made the call to shave his head for St Baldricks.  If you don’t know about this, it’s where people take pledges reach their goal and on March 12, 2011.  Every dollar makes a difference.   Please click here and support Little Dude- http://www.stbaldricks.org/participants/mypage/participantid/438848



Tags: advice columnbad neighborsbeanobeing peachyBrendan Fraser wants mefartsgas maskshumor blogkidsnon advicerecipesrobin williams man junkst baldricksthe Peachy1why is daddy crying
ThePeachy1: ThePeachy1 has been trolling around the interwebz since we were all in loin cloths with Monochrome TRS 80's. Mainly proud, often befuddled, but always amazed mom of 3 awesome kids and wife to "The" techo guru. When not missing vodka, friends, or wondering why more people don't appreciate the PJ lifestyle she can be found lurking everywhere on the web.
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