Hello and welcome back ! It’s Funny Stuff Friday and after the last 3 days of being serious I thought to myself, ” self, what possibly could you do to get back your mojo?”
After being sneak attacked with a permission slip by The Prince I had my answer. Apparently I was going to spend the day in hell, at crack 4 kids, germs r us, at a Pizza Chain for children, Satans guest house. Not only that I was clearly being punished, chosen out of a line up, the person the school hated most, so lucky to be invited to the food service industry that picked a rodent to be their mascot, probably ground zero for swine flu, the place that gave Dante the undersanding of an inferno, a fun and exciting kids field trip. As added torture, punishment for my particpation in the salem witch trials in a previous life, Karma attacking me, a special bonus, the ENTIRE 3rd Grade of his school would be there. a jabillion hyper screaming unsupervised kids in an over stimulated enviorment.
AWESOME….
So here’s how Peachy got her groove back. ( I really wanted to put the ticking down of the soundtrack to 24 right here, you know the one, tick, tock, tick tock.) These series of events happened over the next few hours.
615am – I had to drag my fat lazy butt out of bed and drive the prince to school.
730am- I attempted to find something that still fit after my 2 week binge of chocolate / stress eating, got dressed. ( what? you don’t take your kid to school in your PJ’s? )
between 8am and 10am I- tried really hard to drag my feet and come up with a valid excuse that would allow me to NOTt be there. got ready for this highly anticipated magical event.
1003am I was running late as usual and was in a hurry. nearly burned my eyes out of my skull, put in my contacts. may have possibly rinsed my contacts with rubbing alcohol instead of saline. . looked like a zombie with bleeding red eyes.
1015am I left my house and drove safely ( what? I did so nee nur, safety is serious people.)
1035am While at a dead stop to rate construction workers into 2 categories Hawt or Nawt, for road construction for EVER a long period of time, I sent a text message to my heartless, evil, pouring salt in the wound, dear friends and family.
The text read as follows.
” I am on my way to {cec}. With the entire 3rd grade. HELP !
The following are the comments I got back ;
1- Sucks 2 be u.
2-Better you than me
3- OMG that place is like a bar for kids
4- Sorry, hope you make it out ok ( clearly a nice friend)
5- don’t know what to say here, your fooked
6- I hate that place
7- run run away NOW !
8- OMG- don’t die. ( my daughter)
9- You chose this path Grasshopper, now hop to it. ( husband )
10- take lots of germ x
11-is this part of some criminal punishment I don’t know about yet
12- wow and I thought my proctology appointment today was bad
13- I’ll say a prayer for you.
14- Abandon all hope ye who enters there.
15- don’t touch anything there
16- cool sounds like fun, say hi to the Rat for me. ( clearly a male friend who never had kids )
17- We would feel bad for you if weren’t so busy laughing at you.
18- Calling my broker and buying stock in Excedrin and Germ X
19- and a photo text of DAWN laying on the beach with waves in the sun, that only said. Have fun 🙂
You guys are just Awesome ! I mean really… How could I love any of you more?
Needless to say I felt a little like I was this chick as I entered the establishment, only the bat was a boatload of 3rd Graders.
It was great, seriously, I mean nothing can beat the deceble level that was in that place and the germs were everywhere. This is clearly just where I needed to be. I couldn’t find my kid. The cute one. The one who managed to rope me into this. So I got in line to order some food. ( clearly I am using the term really loosely here as they don’t have actual food.). While in line this picture I saw online a couple weeks back went thru my head.
I overpaid for what was surely going to give me food poisoning at best, for my yummy food type items, and found a table. with the least visible slobber and crumbs on it.
I kept scanning the choppy sea of children and found my precious little Prince. He wanted to make me watch him dump my money into mostly non working video games how great he was at several of the games.
Then he came across what looked like a miniature DDR. In case you don’t already know my kid is a music fiend. Seriously dude can rock. He can play chop suey on expert on Rock Band. Unfortunately I was worried, see his father used to have a dance style that could only be described as perplexing. A drummer than couldn’t get a foot to land on a beat, a super tall skinny guy flailing his arms and legs around as graceful as an elephant on toothpicks. He stuck his money in and realized OH NO, it’s 2 player.. In a split second he snagged the first chick walking by for a dance. What he lacks in Dance skills he makes up for with his macking skills.. Watch out ladies… Here’s the prince.
I know right? Amazing, they stomp just alike, dance just alike. You gotta appreciate his smooth technique especially the part where he looked like he was doing the famed “Crane” technique from the original Karate Kid. ( Thank you Ralph.) Also that music is an original. Composed and Performed by the great Kev Woods. ( you can hear more of him at www.kevwoodsmusic.com )
So now, all that’s left is to wish you a wickedly wild weekend. Hey everybody why don’t we all be 9 for a couple days and just stomp for the fun of it, and not be too shy or insecure to rock it out !