OH Lawdy y’all!

the end is near, run.

Hide yo kids Hide yo wife, they frying everybody up in here….   Ok seriously this is insane.. I knew this would happen.

The RED Owl flies at Noon.     The ice is in the dressers.       Run YALL!!!

ele, zombies, the end

Oh MY BOB.... RUN!!!




yeah I would explain but seriously  I have to get to a mountain range so I can find a cave..   I was prepared for zombies, not being bitch slapped by the sun….   good luck y’all.






The Lion the Witch and the Warbler…

My mothers day story

Long ago in a land not so very far there was a very young Lion.  The little lion was headstrong as young lions are.  The little lion was very curious, adventurous and would always get into trouble.

The Lion had been placed in the care of a Warbler, the Warbler like most Warblers was ill prepared, and had been cursed to the power of the Witch for all eternity.  This meant that the little Lion was subjected to the whims and rules of the Witch because the Warbler was completely powerless against the Witch.  The little Lion knew that she should please the witch because it would make her life so much easier, but it seemed as though the little lion could never make the Witch happy.  No matter what.  The mean old witch clearly disliked the little lion and reminded it at every turn just how much.  Even if it was just a look, a look of discontent, a look of disgust, a guttural primal noise of the sour taste the lions very breathing inflicted upon the Witch.

There had been a Tortoise and a Hare under the care of the Warbler but they had raced off before the little lion ever got to really know them.   Nothing the little  Lion did went without the implied threat that the Lion would go the way of the Tortoise and the Hare if she were to not conform.

But that silly little Lion was so headstrong.  That little Lion just knew that under no circumstances would she let the Witch win, or an even worse fate, be like the Warbler because that, would be worse than death.

As the little Lion grows she becomes stronger, smarter and way more clever than the Warbler in no time.   The Witch however continues to reign over the entire kingdom with her limitless power and realizes that even with all her power, the little Lion has remained hard headed and independent.

One day the not so little anymore Lion decides she is big enough and smart enough to leave the Kingdom and be rid of the Witch forever.  She has no pity for the Witch, and less for the Warbler.  The Lion had realized the Warbler could have escaped the power of the Witch many times, but it would mean leaving the Castle.  On that final day, the Witch flew into a rage and informed the Lion that it had always been a thorn in the side of the entire kingdom and nothing but a horrible reminder to the poor Warbler because if it weren’t for the Lion the Warbler would have had free will.  The Lion ran off, far far away.

For a very long time the Lion looked for the Hare and the Tortoise but they had little interest in the Lion. They had been free for so long they had their own families and they simply had no need for a Lion in a family of Hares or Tortoises.  So the Lion headed out to make her own Kingdom.

The Lion made horrible choices, and huge mistakes, it seemed like one directly after the next, but no matter how sad, lonely or hungry the Lion was she would not return to the Kingdom of the evil Witch.

Eventually the Lion grew up even through all her many mistakes and had her own family.  Not perfect, not easy, not quiet, because well, they were baby Lions.  Every mistake the Lion made she worried how it would affect her cubs, their safety, their lives, their happiness.  Because even though the Lion always walked with her head held high and had a mighty roar the Lion  had no clue what she was really doing, but she knew those cubs would know they were Lions and that was a thing to be proud of.


When the cubs were old enough, clever enough, strong enough, and proud enough, they learned from their Mother the stories of the Evil Witch and the wobbly Warbler .  When the Lion was sure her cubs understood, the Lion took them to the Kingdom  so they could understand what the Lion had fought so hard against.   Now the Lions would enter the Kingdom, strong, united, and with mighty proud roars.

The Lion saw the Witch had grown so much older, and somehow more gentle, and the Warbler appeared to no longer be under the spell of the Witch but instead now held the real power.  The Lion was confused as to how this Warbler who had never been able to protect the little Lion had stayed long enough and done enough that now the Witch couldn’t go a day without the Warbler, and the Warbler was in charge.  For a moment the Lion had hoped there might be a glimmer of hope for the Warbler and now the Lion and her beautiful Cubs would become important, and of value.  The moment faded fast and the Lion realized that it wasn’t the Witch who had made the choice all those years for the imprisonment of the Warbler but it was indeed the Warbler who had fed the Witch for so long, that the slow daily poisonings would soon pay  off.   The Warbler instead of seizing the power and freeing the Kingdom had become so like the Witch that when the Lion saw the Warbler speaking to her cubs she was reminded of how the Witch had spoken to her.  She grabbed her cubs and left the Kingdom forever.

The Lion and her family did not live happily ever after.  Her cubs grew up as all cubs do.  The Lion was proud but scared for her cubs no matter how grown they became.  She tried so hard to still hold her head up high and have a mighty roar, but the years had been hard on the Lion.   The Lion missed her cubs so dearly but understood that they had to go and find their own Kingdoms make their own mistakes as well as conquests.   Each time her cubs came upon a hardship the Lion would offer fate a drop of her soul in exchange for an easier way for her now growing cubs. The Lion reminds her grown cubs that they are indeed powerful wonderful, amazing Lions, and they can become the rulers of their Kingdoms.   But eventually even with nearly the entire soul of the Lion traded one of the cubs fell away.

As the Lion lays quietly in her Den, depleted, she always tried to force her younger days and the heartbreak for one of her cubs out of her mind with the visions of her other cubs living a wonderful exciting and adventurous life, but she never forgets.  As an older wiser Lion she grew to understand how the Witch became a Witch, and found out that the Witch was once too a Lion,  but she held onto her sad past for so long that she turned each drop of pain into a magic brick to build a wall of anger around herself.  She had become a  Witch to protect herself.   In later years the Warbler  came to need the Lion.  But the Lion never allowed herself to fully trust the Warbler because the Lion remembered how the Warbler had  secretly poisoned the Witch for so many years.   She often wondered which was more evil, the Witch or the Warbler.

Sometimes the Lion forgets that her cubs are grown, sometimes the Lion dreams that her cubs are still little and she can do things differently, better, and avoid all her mistakes so her cubs would have better lives, so they would know they are fierce amazing powerful Lions.  Sometimes the Lion just hopes and dreams that her cubs know how very very much they are loved.


In my dreams my cubs live happily ever after.








is it living because it only feels like waiting…

With the overload of health issues around here, along with the common “life stuff”  I willing took a break from blogging after the last attacks from trolls, trolls who don’t know me, know my child, know my life, know my situation, and will never understand my life or my thoughts…  Simply put I took a break because I wans’t strong enough to keep going, 3 blogs 5 days a week and 2 little freelance writing gigs with groups kept me tied to the computer dumping out my odd take on humor,  insane non advice, and occasional a  serious topic that was usually vague.    Due to recent events I have decided I will blog, on my blog, and the trolls will not, can not affect me.  I wont allow them that kind of power.  I have to share this story because as odd or awful as this story,  I can’t believe I am the only one.  Sometimes knowing you aren’t alone, can make a differences on your life.  It has in mine.



For a very long time, I have had to live while waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I say living but it’s really just existing with spurts of me faking living when I can muster the strength to push the elephant in the room to the back of my mind.

When someone you love with all of your soul makes horrible choices, you have to make a choice.

I made a choice to love from a distance, allow that person to do things at their will, wherever they wanted. The condition. I would not support that person, their activities or their train of thought, not emotionally and definitely not financially.

Of course that comes with what is often emotionally a higher consequence for me, a soul eating mind boggling, hellish existence.  Torn when the phone doesn’t ring.  Then furious and emotional and again torn when it does.  There is no happy medium there is no mutual enjoyment of life and it’s experiences.  It is what it is.  An inner ring of hell.

It’s odd how the human brain learns to process things that are so completely outrageous and unacceptable if they happen enough.  Literally the brain removes any logic to save the heart.  It’s like the brain knows if one more little piece of your soul falls to the floor you will collapse with all breath gone and finally faded away.

Things you never in your life thought you would hear,  become somewhat expected.  Disappointing? Well of course.  Fear inducing, almost every time.   Seeing red with anger,  your brain somehow melts it to where a simple wash of un-easy gently rolls off your back.

You can’t fix it, they don’t want to be fixed, no matter how absolutely insane and ludicrous the situation you can not even point out how completely illogical the situation is, let alone offer solutions.  There are no less than 683 million reasons why all of your ideas are completely stupid.

You learn to focus not on the highs, not on the lows,  not on the shocking news,  but only on the fact that you love that person.   You make sure whatever you say wont offend them, or their choices, and you make double damn sure that person knows you love them, you love them deeply, you love them completely, you love them from your soul.  You only want the best for them, safety for them, happiness for them.

You see no one really has the same idea of happiness..  It took me 43 years to realize that.  Another thing this person taught me.  Just because it’s ” the normal” thing that you are sure would make anyone happy, happy and delighted and feeling so very lucky,   that can seem like hell on earth to someone with a completely different view of happy.  Their view of happy would be most peoples view of hell on earth.  So who am I to attempt to enforce my cookie cutter ideal of happy on anyone, any adult on the planet.  Simply put, I am no one.  I am just a daughter, a wife, a sister, a mother, an aunt, a friend.

I am made up as we all our of a unique cocktail of our childhoods, our teachers, our elders, our peers, our own life lessons, co workers, books we have read, shows we have seen.  Just a big casserole of a human being trying to find “happy”.  When I achieved happy I assumed that would be wonderful,  more than wonderful, and that in turn everyone would become happy, everyone would see how hard work brings happy, how loving each other brings happy,  how walking the right road, singing your own theme song, and smiling would obviously land you in happy.

I had a really hard time the past 20 years trying to shove people into the happy, I tried to drag them into happy, push them in, beg them, lure them,  slide shows of happy,  hand made cards, long emails, song dedications, heart felt talks and hugs, I could surely get them to happy, and then once they saw happy they would be like DUH clearly I want happy too !

I was wrong, their happy was so different than mine or most of societies so I had to do one of the hardest things on the planet and accept they would not be in my happy with me.  Maybe they were taking a different route, and we would meet up in happy.  Maybe their happy just meant more pit stops, more experiences, different criteria,  maybe  their happy would never lead to the same location as my happy, not even in the same area and I could never see them from my happy, what would I do then?

So then slowly you say, well they aren’t in my happy or headed that way,  but their happy could be really good for them, and so I will work on being happy for them in their happy.  little crumbles of your heart fall, and your soul tears a little more.  But in the end all you really want is for them to be happy, even if it’s not your happy.  So you convince yourself not to be such as narrow minded selfish ass who demands everyone’s happiness is within arms reach of your happiness.  Don’t be such an idiot to think we are all alike, what a boring world that would be right?  Keep telling yourself that, it makes it easier and you can persevere your heart, mind and soul a little more.  Plus it does make them happy that you are happy for them in their happiness.  It is painful but it’s good for them and for the relationship.

Then a call comes, it’s not happy call, you are prepared because when this disease spins round and round the calls come in 2 forms and 2 forms ONLY.  On top of the world best thing ever, everything is beyond amazing.  The next call could be in a week, or within 20 minutes of the first call  the world is ending, completely ending, there is no hope, there is no escape, there is nothing that can make it better, you can only listen, and try not to cry and remember to love, offer helpful solutions, even offer to make arrangements or calls even though miles separate you the internet can allow you to help, you do what you can and it’s usually for nothing,  it never works out, but you make damn sure they know you love them, you love them so much you can’t breath when they are in pain.

The calls- you see the caller id, it’s a number from a state that you don’t know, ever. But you know who is on the other end, you don’t know what kind of call it will be, but you take deep breaths and you prepare to play the roulette game that is literally their life.  What kind of call, what kind of incredibly fantastic nearly ludicrousness words of grandeur  or is it going to be the gut wrenching heart breaking sobbing pleads for help.  You don’t know, but you answer the phone, inviting the insanity, the roller coaster of love and hate and pain into the mundane yet happy that you are attempting to convince yourself of daily.

Nothing surprises you now.  Literally,  as long as it’s their voice on the end you are prepared.  Simply because it’s the common procedure.  You’ve learned to stop yelling, begging, urging, and just learned to focus on conveying the fact that you love the elephant in the room, and you love that elephant when your eyes open in the morning, and you love that elephant when your eyes wont close at night without a tear quietly running down your cheek.  No one see’s your tear. No one hears your cry and no one, no one on the planet can understand why this elephant is needed so deeply and is somehow comforting.

Then as you are in your happiness on the back porch wind blowing you sit with your little family, cross legged looking at your happiness, eating sandwiches and thinking how peaceful and loving and happy this all is.  The phone rings.

The elephant steps outside.  With 1 sentence the elephant sits on your chest, takes your breath, and overcomes your world as it’s sucked away by the crushing.  But sometime when that elephant climbs on your it compartmentalization your body,  the soul, the heart, the brain, are functioning separately.  This is good for you, it allows you to attempt to speak in a sane, calm, tone, using gentle words, no blame, just love.  The call ends, with mutual ” I love you’s”

The happiness is gone for them. Now faced with a very adult matter that simply can’t be “worked away”.

You don’t remember the rest of the happy picnic,  the people in your happiness with you do not have a conversation with you in regards to it.  You move on as you do after every call.   But something is wrong.  Very wrong

You can’t tell anyone, yet you don’t cry, you don’t sob, you don’t fall to the floor throwing up, you don’t steal a car and get to the elephant just to hold them.

What the hell is wrong with you.  Why are you not responding like a human,  why not like all the times you had hard news before.  You haven’t fallen apart yet.   Will you fall apart?  Will this change your ability to move forward?  Will this person now want back in your happy?  If this person comes back can you handle it, can the happy team handle it,  what will be the cost of the elephant if you don’t?  What will be the cost of happy if you do.

I know the other shoe will fall, It has to, there is just no way to process this without dying more inside,   maybe I am out of soul, heart, tears..  Maybe I have been cried out, maybe I am stronger, maybe my brain is trying to protect me.

I am very much not ok.  Mostly because I feel ok,  there is no way I should feel ok.  Why am I not shaking sitting in the shower crying and sobbing and vomiting like I have done so many times before when the not happy, no ok news came in.

I’m not even shaking.

The shoe will drop, I hope, I beg, I have the strength, the knowledge, the wisdom, the compassion, the ability, the life experience, balanced with the brain, the heart and soul, to take this journey.  To share my happy,  to understand their happy, to make a new happy, but most of all, to convey they undying, deepest of love and the basic humanity to make their happy the best happy I can make it.

          photo credit to www.myniceprofile.com/broke-heart

please find your happy, please let everyone you know how much you love them, even if their happy is so completely different than your happy.


Mardi Gras- pictures for you. boobs, bear, beads, and bikinis

It’s Mardi Gras people!  Last year I let you guys send me on a Mardi Gras scavenger hunt.  Then I posted the pictures for you all.  This year I am reposting it for everyone today …  Originally posted 3/11/20122  Enjoy

As always I dare to attempt to meet all of your needs, wishes and seriously jacked up requests.

Since I have the honor an privilege of living here on the Gulf Coast. I get things like hurricanes, rednecks and oil spills.  In return  the Catholic Church and Government gives us Mardi Gras.

I know all of you have been, want to go, or can’t come.  So in my efforts to continue Being Peachy I sent out an offer.  You name what you want to see from my Mardi Gras and I would get it.  Then I would dedicate it to you.

Needless to say you Juicy Fruits did not let me down. In fact you raised the bar so high I wasn’t sure if I could get it all.    ( some of you accidentally thought I live in New Orleans, as you asked for things we don’t have here even during mardi gras, but I did my best)

Here are the things I was asked for.

boobs, bare chested men, people having fun,  people dressed funny or in costumes, beads, me ( what??? why do you want to see me?), king cake, craw fish, cops, drunks, people drinking, drunks toasting,  a person on a horse, a person in a tux, skateboarders, witch doctor, bare feet, people with HUGE balls, cheerleaders, proud tourists,  somebody cooking on the parade route, womens shoes (aka shoe porn),  drag queens, kids sleeping at parades,  a float with the beach in the background, a news crew,  famous people ( alexander skarsgard, harry connick jr, matthew mconaghy,  ryan gosling) .

If that wasn’t bad enough I got these requests-  Drag Queen in a bikini, 3 leggeded transvestite, and a weasel catching beads.   hrmm…  I have to tell you I got these.  They didn’t walk by either, I had to hunt them down, and was nearly beaten to death trying to get one of these, because they didn’t want their photo taken so I put my camera in a paper bag and shot it through the whole.  Apparently the subject realized that bags should not have a flash.  I escaped.  You so owe me.

Now since this all invovles a hella lot of photos I have broken it up over both blogs.  So if your pic is not here,  it’s over here at ThePits

Now let’s make with the pics.

mardi gras photo scavenger hunt king cake flashing men winners
Thanks to @MagsHoops for requested the flashing guy with a king cake. Hard to get those in the same pic but worth it.
mardi gras, shoe porn, awesome heels, cool socks, winners 2011
Oh the shoe porn, so many requested this.
being peachy  shoe porn at mardi gras, the boot porn winners
boots were in this year, probably due to the weather.
The Peachy 1 for Mardi Gras  at Being Peachy
have no clue why you wanted pics of me but here they are, in all the poses requested, let it be known my husband called me a narcissist. DUH, where have you been?
mardi gras 2011, food porn with the peachy1
my Cobra Sister asked for the Crawfish Toast
mardi gras 2011, tourists
Canada, New England, Florida and Michigan.

mardi gras bead winners, big balls, king of beads the peachy 1

-Tons of Videos of my You Tube Channel  but here is one

Remember this all invovles a hella lot of photos I have broken it up over both blogs.  So if your pic is not here,  it’s over here at ThePits

OH yeah I normally don’t name drop but here is me and and my boyfriend  Brendan Fraser at Mardi Gras this year.

Brendan Fraser and ThePeachy1 at Mardi Gras 2011
Me and my boyfriend Brendan Fraser ( he totally wants me)



You held me up.

The Peachy One loves you to infinity

Well it’s exactly 24 hours post op from the spinal procedure I had done yesterday, Tuesday 1/24/2012.   I let you guys know on Monday the abbreviated version of my health problems. I have kept them tucked safely away from the web world and shared only with the closest of friends as I didn’t want to constantly drone on about this and that, and blah blah.  Yes I have health issues, but show me a family that doesn’t have at least 1.  It’s not what you have wrong or different it’s how you chose to deal with it and everyone has their own right to their own issues.

I am very glad that I told everyone,  I will not start turning this into more than it is.  But honestly, you guys held me up.  Via this blog, twitter, text messages, emails and facebook.  I  felt so strong going in, and I felt just as strong coming out.  To come back and find that you guys said the nicest things, the sweetest things, the MOST hilarious things,  it was just awesome.   Initially in 2009 facebook and the blogs were a place for me to get away from my own personal drama and the restrictions of my body.  I don’t have to run, or pass a physical to be on line.  And with the awesome friends I have I don’t have to do anything but be around and be me.  I love you all for that.  Those who have known me 30 years, those that have been my closest real life friends, and then those who are so very real to me, even though we have never met.   I can’t thank you enough for allowing me to escape the physical limitations in my life,  to join me in laughing,  and hug me thru my sorrows, allowing me to  share some of my deepest situations without judgment.


There’s nothing I can do, nothing I can say, nothing I can write, to appropriately express how much you all mean, and how grateful I am to have you as my friend.   So maybe this picture will do.

The Peachy One loves you to infinity

I love you this much !






Coming out of the closet…

Coming out of the closet.

In order to just stop all the confusion and questions, I will go ahead and just lay it out there. I have Chiari, it’s a brain thing, where my brain is just so damn big and sexy it needs to herniate from my skull. This causes an endless supply of WTF type symptoms ranging from balance, insomnia, memory, blood pressure, and of course the ever present “please freaking kill me” headaches that will not go away. Several of my online friends also have it but the majority of them are post op.

I have known since May of 2009, and been under military care, and it is beyond their scope. I have been symptomatic since 2004 when I begin seeking treatment for extreme headaches, change in sight, hearing and Dysphasia.

In addition my spine is jacked up like a jenga game, or our trash cans the day before garbage day. They can’t fix your brain and spine all in the same year, since there are excellent spine Dr’s here we are working on the spine first. I under go MRI’s, EMG’s, EEG, EKG and every other test known to the free world regularly.

Today ( Monday 1/23) the needle sticks and electrocution was just my lower body ( lumbar and legs). It’s called an EMG and I have had upper body ones before, they aren’t that full but the pain is gone when they are done with their test, so you can sort of “push thru it”.

Tomorrow I am having a Lumbar Radiofrequency Rhizotomy on my right side. This is to burn the nerves ( facets) so they can not transmit to my brain the pain in my right side and leg. It’s done awake. We have no clue when I will have my brain surgery or where it will be done. We just got our civilian health insurance Jan1, so we are getting civilian doctors.

I will probably be out of the loop for a week or 2, and just in case anyone gets to wondering WTH is Peachy? This should solve it for you. I’m fine and dandy just working on getting better !

Thank you to all my friends for being there, and thank you to all my friends who knew but did make it public at my request I really do appreciate it. As they work their way up my spine, I am hoping this will allow me to return to a stronger, more active me. Time will tell, and if not, well then I am pretty lucky to have you awesome folks around to hang out on line with. Thanks guys ♥ ya!


Thank you Mom, that’s the best gift ever.

Ok quick post on Christmas Eve because there is so much I still have to do before I can lay down and dream of sugar plums, but I really need to share this.

If you are a friend/follower who has been with me a while then you already know about “my dude”, My second child and oldest son. You also already know that he’s not here with us for too many sad reasons to go into on Christmas. Needless to say we miss him.

This year hasn’t been Christmas, the dude is somewhere in another state and we can only hope he’s safe. My Mom who is got a new sporty hover round informed us between Thanksgiving and a week ago that she for the first time will not be coming to my house on Christmas Eve, staying the night and then spending Christmas day with us. My oldest and only girl, Sam I am, has to work Christmas Eve and wont be off until 8am on Christmas morning then has to make the 2 hour drive home and will be exhausted and needing a much deserved nap. Our yearly tradition of going to my Dad’s was broken as he had other plans.

That leaves just The Prince, The Droid and me. I invited an airman at the local military base to come have Christmas with us since it’s her first time away from her parents. But never got a confirmation.

It’s been in the 70’s and I have had 4 doctors appointments this week. The Droid isn’t a holiday guy anyway but I always go all “Griswald” this year I just didn’t have it in me. None of it, as in the tree got decorated today by The Prince and The Stunt kid. No stockings. The presents wouldn’t even be wrapped if my niece and chocolate elf hadn’t spent the day here with me hold up in my bedroom wrapping and trying to prompt me into some sort of jovial frosty the snow flake mood. It’s not here, what’s the point, Droid wouldn’t care if we slept through it, so it’s pretty much just for The Prince. I will fake it, ba humbug.

So with absolutely no fan fair, we woke late today each in our separate rooms doing what we always do under the same roof separately when I realized we were to go to the next city over to visit my mom, the one who isn’t coming here tomorrow. The one I’ve never had a great relationship with but try, the one who is nicer since the 2 strokes. No makeup, not dressed up just the bare requirements to not be kicked out of a waffle house. Turned on a Christmas music station and faked excitement for The Prince.

Surprisingly she came up off some kickin’ stuff for the Prince, I would actually dare to say he got some awesome toys and clothes, it’s not about the gifts, whatever yada yada, I remember her sending the older 2 kids a toothbrush for Christmas when she was rolling in the cash flow department, so yeah she has stepped up her game in the grandma department by like 600 fold and only 26 years too late for the first 5 of them. None the less gifts were exchanged and it was actually really lovely. The Droid got socks, and I got a gorgeous beaded bracelet. We ate cheese and crackers and had sprite.

Then there was this other present for me. For ME? I opened it wondering if I would finally be getting that pony I always dreamed of, or tickets to the Areosmith concert she made me miss my Senior year of high school. It’s clothes, I can tell, and the fear and trepidation of any person getting clothes from their mother starts to wash over me. I am willing to bet my severely damaged from drinking MD20/20 when I was in college liver on the fact NO ONE has ever called my mom a fashionista on purpose or accidentally. However I don’t care, my kid is bubbling over and my mom has this huge Grandma like smile on her face that make whatever travisty that falls out of this box totally worth it. I only see the back. It’s big, it’s thick, it’s black. Ok how bad can that be, black, basic black, HOLY CRAPAMOLI !! As I pull it out of the box these tent like sleeves unfold like banners on the SS Alabama Battleship, but in huge circling neon pink and green stripes spiraling down the sleeves. “WOW, thanks mom that is so cool, it looks really really …..warm.” ( insert huge fake happy smile on my face to go with the fake spirit I am feeling”. ” wait honey, turn it around, look at the front.” Are you kidding me? There’s a front? What to my wondering eyes do appear? Well let’s just say Bridgett Jones has nothing on me folks. I sat breathless staring eye to eye into the face of the Giant Panda head.

One would hazard to guess this was the pinnacle of my acting career other then that one time I told the guy who took me to McDonalds drive thru DUTCH on our first/last date and I had to give him the entire “it’s not you” speech.

Actually it was an entire Bridgett Jones meets Sienfield because I can’t stop staring at the smudge on this Giant Pandas face. Yes my mother gave me a 500lb sweater with with neon sleeves and a giant pissed off panda face on it, that has a huge smudge under it’s left eye as if it was Alice Cooper. I was Elaine, I saw the spot on the sweater George gave her, it was all I could see, even past the neon circular stripes banding down the arms, and the enormous intimidating panda face, I saw, the smudge.

It didn’t matter, I knew prior to opening the present the chances of me ever wearing whatever was inside was about the same as me waking up to find Alexander Skarsgard laying naked in front of my fireplace wearing only my Christmas stocking while holding a bottle of absolute. This is as it has always been with her and I and it will always be, but she put forth an effort and I was indeed thankful for that, because every kid deserves a Grandma, and oh yeah it’s Christmas.

We visited a while and then packed up our things hugged, kissed, said good bye and headed towards the interstate to go home. The Droid was driving and I wanted so badly to do at least one tradition I have done for 20+ years. Drive around and look at Christmas lights until at least 730pm. 2 reasons, it puts us all together for a couple hours with no electronics with seasonal music playing and everyone gets tired. But Droid hates driving, especially at night, I am restricted from driving for about 11 more months so I am at his mercy. I guess he sensed that I needed it, so for once he complied, and turned west on the interstate instead of east.

Another twist, we accidentally got off at an unusual exit for us, so he could use the bathroom. 2 stations side by side, sharing an entrance, he asked which one, they both looked big, clean and well lit, and for some reason we picked the one on the right. A car was pulling out from getting gas so he swerved left and pulled in by the ice machine. We sat a minute as he dug for his wallet and fiddled around, he turned off the car, and said, ” oh man, honey look”.

I looked up and huddled next the ice machine on the ground was a man, minding his own business not a sign, not a cup, just sitting there next to his backpack. Droid said, ” lock the car”.

Droid got out and as soon as he went in the store I got out of the car and walked to the front.
“Hello Mama”
“You doing ok?”
“Yes Mama I am thank you.”
“Are you hungry?”
“I’m fine thank you, I don’t want to put anyone out”

I could tell this man meant absolutely no harm, and even if he was hungry he certainly wasn’t going to tell me.
” Is that a Bucs jersey?”
” YES ! Do you realize that you are the first person to recognize it?”
” haha yeah probably this is pretty much Saints territory around here, are you from Tampa?”
” Nope, I’m from Houston, headed back, I had to go see someone down there, picked this up while I was there.”
” What’s your name?”
” Mike”
” So Mike are you walking?”
” Most of it, it’s not safe like it used to be”
” Yeah I know, I worry everyday, my kid is a traveler too.”
” How old is he?”
” 20, just turned 20, he’s been out 2 years now.”
” I’m sorry that’s pretty young to end up like me.”

I had to walk away because the last thing this man needed was me laying my problems on him. I went the side of the van and told the Prince to get out and help me. We went to the back of the van I and I grabbed all the bagged up cheese, meet and crackers from Moms house and 2 of the Sprites she had sent home for The Prince. I then grabbed the socks she had given to The Droid.

The Prince and I walked up and I said, ” this is Mike, Mike this is my youngest”
I sat down on the ground next to Mike and The Prince did too. I told him we had just left my moms and these are the cheese and crackers we had left over he looked at me and The Prince. He said, ” are you sure?” The Prince said, “sure Mr Mike it’s just some crackers and sprite, here.” He smiled grabbed one and put the rest in his bag for later. I then handed him the bag of socks that my mom had given the Droid. He smiled and said, ” are you serious? I can have these?” I said of course you can Mike, they would mean so much more to you than they would to us. Heck I have an ugly sweater in the back, it aint pretty but I bet it would keep you warm if you aren’t afraid of ugly”

Mike laughed and told me he would wear a tutu if it would help keep him warm when the temperature changes. The Prince ran and got the Panda sweater. Mike laughed with us when he saw it and agreed it he would probably wear it UNDER something else. He asked if I had a plastic bag, to keep things dry, like a garbage bag. I let him know I didn’t but walked into the store where the Droid was now in line at the register and asked the clerk if I could please borrow a garbage bag, I quickly corrected myself by saying actually I would like for you to GIVE me a garbage bag because I wont be returning it. The people in line laughed and the Droid looked at me wondering what on earth I was doing. I then said give me 2 of your biggest please, the clerk smiled and handed them over and wished me a Merry Christmas. I thanked him and walked directly back to Mike and The Prince who were now chit chatting in the grass.

When I showed them to Mike he was very thankful it appears “I” can walk into a store and ask for a garbage bag or my husband can use their bathrooms and it’s not an issue, however Mike can’t. I told him since they were so huge and durable maybe he could use one as a poncho and the other for his stuff. We talked a minute more and I told him I wished there was more we could do, but that we were headed east on the interstate. He stood up to thank me and shake my hand and I asked if I could give him a hug, he got a huge smile and The Prince grabbed him and me and said, ” GROUP HUG!”

We went back to the car I didn’t have any cash, I don’t carry any since I never go anywhere alone anymore. The Droid came out and got in the car, and said, ” So did you give those bags to Mike”. I looked like a deer in headlights, how did he know Mikes name? Apparently some guy came in the store as I walked out and said, ” that lady just gave those bags to that homeless guy out there”, the cashier said that the guys name was Mike and he was no trouble been there all day, nice guy. I said yep he seems like a real nice guy.

I prepared for the lecture or look I often get from the Droid as if I asked him to move furniture or donate a kidney for a science fair project. I didn’t get the look. Droid got out of the car, walked up to Mike, talked for a bit, then pulled out his wallet and emptied it into Mikes thankful hand. It was only $7. Between the Droid and I we only had $7, but at that moment, we knew Mike needed it more than we did. Droid returned the car and said, ” you willing to give up a tradition?” I glanced at The Prince and he smiled, we were all on the same page. We all jumped out and asked Mr Mike if he would like a ride.

It was only about 35 miles to where Mike needed to get for the night. I asked him if he would like to use our phones to call anyone, to let them know he’s ok, or wish them Merry Christmas. That may sound odd to anyone out there, but that is the only time I know where my dude is, when some kind person lets him use their phone to call his mom and say he loves us. It’s not like 10 years ago when there were payphones and collect calls. So I wanted to make sure Mike had the chance to do the same. He explained he had lost his wife 3 years ago, his life went to pieces after that, he had no children or family. I saw The Prince reach his hand out to pat Mikes hand.

We used our phones and googled the shelter for that area, and gave him the address and phone number, he assured us he would clean up and get there for Christmas dinner. We googled the weather which is very important to someone who is “traveling” so he would have an idea where and when it would be raining or cold on the next week or so of his journey,

We got to the exit Mike wanted to stop at and he continued to Thank us, the Droid went into the gas station and Mike loaded up his back pack and the Prince and I hugged him goodbye. We watched him walk off with purpose into the dark. The Droid came out and noticed Mike was gone. He yelled where is he? I said I don’t know he walked off that way. The Droid headed off into the dark in that direction.

Droid returned and said he had found him, and told Mike goodbye. I smiled, I knew he didn’t track that man down in the dark to just say goodbye and I also knew he didn’t get in the car with a purchase from the store, my excellent detective skills concluded my Droid, had a heart, and it had just grown a few sizes.

Droid stared at the windshield as we drove back east on the interstate and said, ” don’t judge me it’s Christmas” I smiled and said, “yep, and your socks will look awesome with that Panda sweater.”

Be good to one another….


ps, if it wasn’t for that ugly panda sweater I wouldn’t have been in the mood to carry out my yearly final tradition of Christmas eve.

we made cookies for santa, snowmen, reindeer, pirouleauxs and all

Thank you Mom for the Panda Sweater.

I’m drunk, Thanks Amazon

wtf shipping is 3x purchase on amazon

This happened to me today on Amazon when I logged in to pick up a couple things.  A few very light weight small items.  No hurry, no rush, just “oh yeah I could use that sure”.

wtf shipping is 3x purchase on amazon



So being the reasonable calm professional person I am I immediately screen captured it and posted it on facebook with a note that said,  Dear Amazon,  HAVE YOU LOST YOUR EVER LOVING MIND?  love,  Sandi

Then  realizing it was obviously a mistake because Amazon loves me almost as much as I love Brendan Fraiser  I decided to head on over to Amazon and have a chat so they could check it out.

This is the exact unaltered series of screen captures of that chat.


chat with tech support on shipping issues with amazon

When I saw his name I wanted a sandwich, and a drink.

amazon support chat is driving me to drink

is it delivered by a all male stripper crew who will clean the house?

hiring oompalumpas and getting wasted thanks to amazon

forget it can I get a Salami Sandwich and shot of vodka please




Introducing Madame Chicklette

grown up silkies this is Madame Chicklettes future.. hopefully

Oh yes a new and fowl adventure has been undertaken by the Peachy Gang.   We have entered where no Kirk has entered before.   Introducing


Madame Chicklette  ( pronounced  Maaaadaaaaame   Shick-a-let) drumstick roll puleeze…….


new family member madame chicklette the silkie

new family member madame chicklette the silkie


She may not look like much now, but if things work out, and we are hoping giving her her own indoor bathroom due to the weather that they will she will grow to look like one of these clearly highly fashionable Silkies.


grown up silkies  this is Madame Chicklettes future.. hopefully

grown up silkies this is Madame Chicklettes future.. hopefully

Yeah that’s right, a kick ass chicken, not just the run of the mill hen, but a obviously couture freaking rock star of a chicken.  That lives indoors. What can I say?  Sam I am bought it for the Prince on his field trip today and I am a softy when it comes to those two.  So now my upstairs bath has become the domain of Madame Chicklette.   If she can survive, the 5 cats, 2 dogs and doesn’t end up in the Pet Cemetery or the frying pan.


We are told they are prolific layers.  ( insert Ho joke here).  We told the Prince he is responsible for wiping her butt and brushing her teeth since she doesn’t have hands, he has already read 2 books on the proper raising of poultry.  He also informed us her baby teeth haven’t come in yet, but when the “hens teeth” come in he will be ready for duty.  Not sure at what point I will let him in on the joke.


We told him her Mom was Chicken Strips and her Dad was Chicken Nugget  he is not happy with our jokes, but it didn’t keep him from scarfying down 20 chicken nuggets for dinner, the entire time we made chicken noises and he looked sad and satisfied.



So there ya have it, add it to the 5 cats, 2 dogs, 43 previous bunnies, Honey the Hamster, Holy Holly the praying mantis,  Hildi the Hamster,  Mickey the Mouse, the POW mouse,  7 goldfish all named Lucky and the goat named Billy.   All have departed except the cats and dogs which doesn’t actually bode well for Madame Chicklette.   Fingers crossed.




The Ghost of the Arctic Turkey Past

Moronic Monday Arctic Turkey

For today’s Moronic Monday I am dragging out this oldie but goodie from the past.  Hope you enjoy.


Against my better judgement I bothered to get out of my pajamas and actually went to the store to buy a turkey.

There are a few problems with buying a turkey on the night before Thanksgiving.

#1- You know you will have issues thawing it

#2- There might be a limited selection

#3- combine 1 and 2 and you get holy craptastic bird day folks they only have hypothermic birds that a only second mortgage can purchase and they aren’t available in any store located in my state.

so for your math people that’s  1+2= your screwed. ( there may or may not be a test )

I finally at the 3rd store found a bird but it cost more than my vehicle. I kept looking,  store number 4 was a waste of time but I got a twix bar and mt dew  to  rejuvenate me in battle, because they were straight up out of double mocha latte Valium.  The 5th store I found a bird, although he was roughly frozen to the solidity state of a cannon ball he was less than the cost of a bionic arm so I bought him.  But not before I dropped him and actually cracked the tile on the supermarket floor.  Sorry about that unnamed store that was me.  Well actually it was your bird and therefore your bad.    I blame you since you should have had it somewhat thawed by Thanksgiving eve your a bunch of shatards and obviously deserve broken floor tile.

So by 6pm I am home with a bird that there is no hopes of thawing and cooking for 1pm feast in just 17 hours.   Panic + Vodka = Epiphany. ( that is math question number 2, well sort of, it’s a word problem but it has math symbols so I guess it’s higher math or something.)

I threw the bird in the hot tub and turned on the jets.  I sat and watched him spin head over nubby little would be feet and figured I would drain then bleach and possibly burn the hot tub afterwards.  See I have this aversion to poultry.  Kind of like my aversion to bugs.  If I see a bug I will go to any lengths to make sure it and anything it touched pays dearly. With poultry, I have to bleach repeatedly anything that could have touched it, or throw it away.

I wasn’t sure if it would work. Would this sexy hunk of arctic poultry thaw. Would it reach a temperature that bred some bacteria that would send us all to the ICU with some funky butt explosion disease?  Was I going to run out of Vodka before this damn bird finished spinning missing head over butt ?

So the long and short.  It worked, the Turkey was tender, and juicy and yummy. In the culinary world it would have been described as very relaxed. But wouldn’t you be after 5 hours in the hot tub?

It was cooked and served on time.  I was thankful that my family through all their years of faining eye rolls and acting like they hated my tradition actually wanted and expected it.  I was Thankful that I was physically capable of gathering and making Thanksgiving dinner.  I spent Thanksgiving bleaching the hot tub and being Thankful I had found a stinking turkey and had a hot tub to thaw the damn thing out in.  I also found it’s spinning very hypnotizing, or it could have been the vodka, not sure.

So go forth and win the epic battle of Monday knowing your not alone in your journey of suck, you are in good company.  Me and my Local news.. Ok partially good company.





Ping RSS