Focus on the Thanks pushing through the rest

Thank you to all the good things in my life

Recently I have been quite noticeably absent.  It hasn’t been because I am on a tropical island being served frozen drinks by my sexy boytoy Brendan Fraiser.

Damn it.

Instead after over  a year of daily posts on 3 blogs and doing some freelance writing for a few collectives I reached an impasse.  This site is created to “Be Peachy”, to remember that life is a journey not a job,  to make people smile no matter the struggles or adversity at hand.  The easiest way to put it out there for everyone to relate is the old adage,  ” if you don’t have anything nice to say keep your mouth shut”, or in this case fingers off the keyboard.

So over the last couple of weeks/months I have had so many negative things that are just too hard to swallow in private let alone in a public setting. I opted to just voluntarily silence myself until I could work through a few things.

Today, instead of complaining no matter how worthy the situation is, I opt to be Thankful.

I am Thankful:

That I am here today, alive and breathing.

That I am not in a hospital today causing me to be separated from those I love and  causing undo emotional and financial burden

That I live in a country where we can openly debate, write about whatever we want, and have discussions that may not be popular but are not criminal.

That I have 3 children who are relatively healthy and happy even if their journey is not the one I would have chosen for them.

That I have a husband who is there thick and thin, letting me be me, stupid, silly, in pj’s, and that accepts me as his friend.

That even though saying we are financially strapped would be a HUGE understatement, we will have food for dinner and will eat under our homes roof, at least 1 more day.

That my husband has a job.

That in general I have more good hours in week than bad.

That my youngest brought home a progress report with all A’s, and my oldest received her bachelors degree in the mail to my home so I can frame and hang it.

That my middle child is no longer missing, that I am not longer emailing pictures of him to law enforcement or outreach programs while crying several times a day.

That I have clean water to drink, a roof that does not leak, and luxuries such as the internet , and that my house is not flooded or damaged by the storms and fires wreaking havoc on several states in the US.

That I have the ability to hug my youngest child ever day.

That my oldest child chooses to return to our house a couple times a month and I can watch her become a grown woman I am in awe of.

That the internet has allowed me a wider selection of people to consider friends, even if I have never met them, and the ability to reach out to those that I knew long ago.

That hearing my amazing father or  interesting mothers voice is only a phone call or 30 minute drive away.

That all of my loved ones are home and safe, while I know so many that worry hourly about their loved ones serving in a war in danger daily.

That I can see the colors of the sky, feel the wind on my face, hear a dog bark, and walk from room to room.

finally I am thankful for you,  for being there, offering hugs, help, support, and laughter, you are all amazing..

Thank you to all the good things in my life

despite the negatives I am thankful for the good

xo

PEACH OUT

 

 

 

 

 

Hurricane been there done that. Be prepared

ireneheader

Dear Friends and Followers,  I am watching a satellite photo of this monster Irene in the Atlantic, looking carefully at the computer models. Remembering, hurting.  This storm is so big, yes it’s also powerful and it’s looking so huge that if you were to take the entire storm and put it in the Gulf it would completely fill the Gulf of Mexico.   So if you are on the East Coast, I need to share the honest not fun truth with you.  I hope you listen, I hope it helps.

 

I live on the Gulf of Mexico.  At one time part of my GVT job was to activate Civil Defense.  Unfortunately Hurricane Andrew happened during the 6 year span I had that chore, it was my first from the Civil Defense side.  I have also lived through and experienced Hurricane Fredrick, Elanea, Georges, Ivan, and Katrina.  Along with the kazillion little storms that were near hits or didn’t do enough personal damage to me that I would remember.  I need EVERYONE to understand that no matter the category, the size alone is pushing  an amazing amount of water.  I lost a house to a tropical storm via a run off drainage ditch that normally had only 1 inch of water in it. When the circulation moves the water into these areas, you can and will be affected. Major cities are filled with glass,  I have seen a stop sign completely pierce a 4 foot circumference tree.   How do you think a sheet of glass will hold up to something as silly as a coke can thrown by your hand, now, triple that and think about it .

I am from the School of “Better safe than sorry”  thought.  Not panic, but self preservation.  It has served me well. Yes some locals have laughed that I packed up, boarded up or even took a mini vaca further in land, while they boast how they didn’t even notice or watched it from their porch.  In 2005 everything changed. My school of thought and my gut feelings helped my family to survive.

I have family and friends that stayed, most ended up homeless.  All of us ended up changed.  Some swam for their life in the dark with the sound of a thousand trains swirling around and battered by debris consisting of everyone belongings between the ocean them collected over their entire lives.  I am not trying to scare anyone, but I am trying to make a point.  Having a relative rescue the family on his young basic instinct and grabbing an ax as he rushed his friends family to their attic and then proceeded to cut through their roof when the rising water approached their sweaty, shaking, crammed in the darkness of an attic bodies, nestled in their extremely expensive,  far from the ocean home on a golf course.

My point here is, the Hurricanes do not care about age, race, financial status or your ability to be prepared.   It is up to YOU!

I see tons of Hurricane kits around, the lists are out there and yes you should find the most concise one and make sure you have filled it However after loosing property in 4 hurricanes I have learned a few things.  I will now pass these on to you and you can take what applies to you, throw away the rest, but this is my actual HURRICANE PLAN.

1- Begin filling freezer with bottles of water, You need a LOT of frozen water.  You know you need enough water to last you no less than 3 days, if it’s a cat 3 or higher or a direct hit, you actually need no less than 7 days worth of water for each person,  the general rule is 1 gal a day per person, you decide 3 days or 5.   Also by going ahead and filling empty soda or sports drinks bottles or milk jugs and putting them in the freezer when the power goes out this will allows some of your food items to stay good up to 1 day longer than if you didn’t have frozen water to keep things cool.

2-When the storm is getting close,  clean your bathtubs, then fill them with water, fill buckets with water and place by each toilet, you can use this to flush your toilets.  Of course you can buy boatloads of bottled water, but I find if I start a couple days before the storm I can fill up a lot of buckets, large containers and bottles with water from my tap thus saving me $ for the aftermath.  If you can find water purification tablets get them, if not make sure you have a few gallons of NON scented bleach.  ( Google now how to purify water and PRINT IT)

2a- Wash all your clothes, this luxury may not be accessible for weeks. Go ahead and make sure all your clothes and linens are clean,ready and put up in a high area or garbage bags or plastic tubs, this includes shoes.  After Katrina, for weeks, all the obvious social economic stereo types were gone, as business men and officials were sweaty and in old dirty clothes just like everyone else.  Also go ahead and mop and vacuum, get all dishes clean,  these things you may not be able to do for a week or so after the storm

3-Begin eating your freezer foods, chances are your power will go out, could be 12 hours or 2 weeks.  You do NOT want to deal with a freezer full of rotting food. Trust me.  Go ahead and eat the meat in your freezer and fridge.   This will also help you start to clear space for your bottles of water.

4- Stock up your food-  crackers, energy bars, cereal bars, canned ham, bread, crackers, peanut butter,  shelf meals,  remember buy things you can eat without needing an over and preferably do not need a stove.  You can use your grill to cook OUTDOORS so make sure your propane tanks are full and you have a spare, OR,  get a bag of charcoal or 2, which you can use in any grill.  Be willing to sacrifice your pans to the grill for food that needs cooking.  You need 3 meals, and 2 snacks for each person for no less than 1 week. Put it in a Rubbermaid tub.

5-GRAB YOUR CAMERA OR PHONE- go ahead and take pictures of each room, the high $ things in each room, such as TV, computers, stove, oven, artwork, furniture, include the garage, and the same thing for your cars and boats.  These pictures will assist you with any insurance hassles afterwards,  take all the pictures and video you can inside and out,  then  download them to your laptop and then onto a flash drive.  If you have to file an insurance claim this will help you.

6- BACK UP ALL YOUR IMPORTANT DATA-  if you have access to a server ( not on the east coast) go ahead and back up your files, if not, save it to a seperate flash or an external hard drive then place in your water proof plastic tub ( large rubbermaid type tub).  Along with artwork, family photos and important documents such as deed, mortgage, lease, birth certificates, pass ports, insurances ( health, life, home, car) and your jewelry or family heirlooms.

7- Charge your laptops, cell phones and cameras,  then have all the usb chargers and car chargers ready.   If you are using a standard pc tower and are leaving take it with you, if you are staying, place your pc tower in a plastic tub and place high ie: top of your fridge.

8- Cinderblocks and chairs,   Put your washer, dryer, and other high $ appliances up on cinder blocks, if you get less than 1 ft of water in the house this will save them.  Same thing with couches and chairs.   Then take your kitchen chairs, and raise all beds by placing a chair under the headboard and a chair under the footboard, this will protect your mattresses/boxsprings if you get less than 2 feet of water. then cover with tarp, but cover them UNDER the appliance or furniture and then fold the edges UP over the item.   Dust tape is your friend.

9- Move all furniture and appliances like your TV or dressers AWAY from windows and if you can place them on blocks that’s great, also cover things with tarps.

10- Bring everything you can inside.  A potted plant, porch swing, or windchime can and will go through your window, or your neighbors,  so bring it inside, anything you leave out is a potential projectile.  BUT DO NOT USE YOUR GRILL OR A GENERATOR IN YOUR HOUSE OR GARAGE, this is deadly, and in every storm you hear of a family dying due to them using the generator in their house or garage, DO NOT DO THIS.

11-Flashlights, battery operated lanterns, and Glowsticks,  you need them, also if you can find a hand crank radio ( usually at large home improvement stores, it will help you stay aware,  yes you will crank it but honestly you and the kids have little else to do and it saves your batteries for other things, like lanterns and FANS.. yes friends when the storm is over you will be in this ridiculous heat, therefore you need fans, read my comments as readers have suggested battery operated fans from $5 and up.   We have a generator, and a kazillion extension cords, with that we powered 5 box fans which helped us all. Also stay cool by dipping rags/hand towels in water, ring out and then roll and place around back of neck, this does help.

 

 

12- Be prepared for cell service to go out, you need to appoint a person, friend or family member as the POC, Point of Contact.  Tell them your plan A, and then your plan B,  as in, if we aren’t here, we will be here, or plan B, we will be here.  Then alert everyone else who your POC is.   Don’t assume you will be able to communicate.   Send mass email now, alerting everyone to plan A and plan B and who your POC is.

13- Medications,  if anyone in your family needs medication,  GO FILL IT, the pharmacies and Doctors should be handling this over the phone right now via a phone message.  Stock up and keep it with you.  Also go ahead and get OTC benadryl,  ibprofin, and a first aid kit.  You will be taking a ride back to life in the 1820′s it was hard work to survive then, but they did it and you can to, hang in there and use all your modern help,  ace bandages, neosporin, and ibprofin.  If you have a baby, make sure you have 1 full week of supplies, diapers, baby food, formula or whatever the baby needs.

14-  Trust your gut not your pride.  If you have a feeling in your gut you need to leave, do it, screw pride, I would rather be prepared, leave and then find out nothing happened, then “act” brave and go through the possibility of the event.   I can tell you that if you have children 12 or under, you should just leave, the PTSD on children is very high if they have went through a hurricane,  the noises alone are worse than any horror movie on the planet,  then add in the fear, the darkness, the water, and the possibility of them fighting for their life.  Honestly just go, please go.

15-  If you have children, have activities on hand,  coloring books, puzzle, notbookes, and held video games ( charges) AND THE BIGGEST THING OF ALL-  earphones plugged into laptop playing DVD movies, or a musical play list.  This is important to help drown out the terrifying sounds.

15- Love thy geek.  With house and cell service out, you need an ubber geek..  one that will find a way to power his HAM radio,  this will allow you to get messages out becuase a local HAM operator will be able to reach all of the US, and Canada and a million other places, the HAM people on the other end will have service and contact your POC

16- Love they geek a little more-  You can file for FEMA  and insurance claims on line the day after the storm.  So you need a geek who can and will power his laptop then allow you to file,  If you are that geek ( as we were)  we took the boards off the windows and spray painted, free water, file FEMA, insurance and contact family here.   3 hours a day we used our generator to power laptops and routers so that we could allow people the tngs you may consider small now, but will indeed be huge later.

So that’s stuff they don’t really tell you,  if you can have tons of baby wipes or wet ones around rubber gloves, bleach, trash bags and tarps, combined with the above steps and everything else they say, then you have a chance to be less desperate in the worst case scenario.  Fill your cars, lawnmower, Generator (if you have one) with gas, then fill at least 2 or 3 gas cans,  if the Gas stations in the cities around you are blown away you need to have enough gas to get to a working station, after the storm you can use your car for AC and to charge electrical devices assuming you have purchased car chargers or have a converter ( awesome device that changes car charger into a standard multi outlet.)

Children under 6, People over 65, anyone near water, river, ocean,  or even a run off ditch.  Anyone with Asthma,  or any breathing issue needs to go.  When the barometric pressure drops, breathing gets harder, also the things that will be in the air and water during and after the event can trigger breathing issues for those susceptible.

 

If you stay. That is your choice, your right.  But don’t think if things go really bad and you are fighting for your life that you can call 911.  The police, fire and ambulances want to help you, and will often stay on the line until you lose connection, but they can NOT reach you, YOU ARE ON YOUR OWN UNTIL THE STORM PASSES.  Remember that,  several first responders  were injured or died trying to get to a family during storms.  So if you stay, don’t get mad that no one came to save you.  You must save yourself  and anyone you are responsible for.  If you are ok with that, fine.  I know many that did it, and regretted it.   Just please leave PLEASE I beg you.  If you have yourself totally perpared.  Please check on single moms, families with a deployed family member and the elderly.  They may want to do these thing but can’t do it alone.  This is the time for your community to income together. Have a pre-storm neighborhood or building meeting,  know everyone’s plan A and plan B,  then help each other by designated 1 person in the group to handle a task.  After the storm have another meeting to figure out who needs what and how you can help each other.

Tornadoes not only cause extreme surge and influx of water to even inland people, but they have sustained winds, and can spin off tornadoes,   So when the first feeder bands start hitting, find an inner room with no windows, hallway, bathroom whatever, go ahead and make pallets or pull a childs mattress in there, and get ready to do what we Hurricane vets call “hunkering down”.

Please go to the National Hurricane Center to learn the basics and help get prepared.

My thoughts are with you guys, be prepared, keep us posted.  Prepare for the worst but hope for the best.

 

xo

PEACH OUT

The Mafia, the FEDS and my family

The Mafia is after us

Hi guys,  I have just had an epi pen.  Wait, that was auto correct.  I had an epiphany.  Well it’s more of a conspiracy theroy   Ok possibly it’s a brain fart but really think this through with me.

 

Remember last week the ” Murder Caper Investigation”  going on here, I listed only 3 suspects based on circumstantial evidence.   If you don’t know about the murder that took place in my house?  Then click here to find out WTH I am talking about.

 

Recent events have prompted further investigation and that lead to the Brain Fart Conspiracy Theory epiphany.  Let me fill you super sleuths on the new uncovered facts and you can unreasonably jump to your scientifically develop own twisted  theories.

 

Fact 1-  2 times during July of 2011  me, the Droid and the Prince spent over 4 hours with “the Feds” ( code for IRS)

Fact 2-  My husband, The Droid,  is an underboss in the Mafia.  ( code for he is a complete and uder addict to the game mafia wars.)

Fact 3-  My husband, The Droid, is so addicted to the extreme level that he believes that is the ONLY use for Facebook, and even though in real life he has 1 friend,  Me, and I am paid to be his friend, yet he has over 2200 friends on facebook simply for his mafia wars game. He attends on line meetings and sacrifices sleep or family events to participate in his addition Mafia Wars. Which proves it’s an addiction, deeply involved with the Mafia and is obviously a KingPin.

Fact 4-  There was a murder in my house and I asked for your help to solve it last week ( click here for a new window and the info)

Fact 5-The Mafia was taken down back in the day by the Feds ( code for IRS)

Fact 6- Over the past weekend, The Droid and I spent many hours sticking our face in blenders and then pouring battery acid on them,  working on preparing Fed Documents and information for the last 8 years ( code for stabbing ourselves with pencils while we tried to review, amend several years of GVT documents that involve math and math is freaking hard)

Fact 7- Sunday our power was “out” for several hours, prompting us to stay in a pack because we all know when theirs a murderer under the same roof as you, the WORST thing to do is to split up into groups or have sex.   Either of those acts allow the murderer to kill you dead.

Fact 9- Yesturday I went to the FEDS with all our notes, books and documents  and spent close to 7 hours with the FEDS.

Fact 20-  When I got home the AC was broken.

Fact 11-  it’s only 730am and here in the deep south that means we are already under a heat advisory.

Fact 12- sticking bags of frozen peas in my bra and panties nearly makes sense when you are dealing with this kind of heat, because your brain stops any logical thought process and can only see you wearing a snorkel and flippers in a tub of ice water, or that you will indeed be cooler if you built your own spaceship and traveled to the sun so you could do step aerobics.

Having these new  seemingly unrelated facts, I immediately started blaming everyone and their dog, I being to think “what if they are not related?”

Putting the pieces together with my melted brain that is thinking frozen corn on the cob is not as good of a choice for cooling your underwear as frozen peas obviously genius investigative skills I deduced the following theory.

We are under attack by the Mafia. Due to my husbands association with the Mafia ( wars). They became suspicious when we were talking with the FEDS ( IRS). The throw pillow was murdered last week as a warning. ( but they should have left a note or sent a text because I assumed it was one of my jerkface adorable pets.

Having bugged our house while murdering the throw pillow to send us a “message”, they heard us talking about the FEDS and talking about putting together the reports and handing over the books .

They interrupted our power yesterday for several hours to inhibit our ability to complete our reports to the FEDS.  However they were completely unaware that  we would crank up the hurricane generator to power the laptops ONLY.  Instead of the fridge or lamps, because who needs food and light when you can power your laptop?

We all left yesterday to do our errands and I spent many all day with the FEDS ( IRS).

When I finally got home around 5pm,  our AC was not working, pulled a box fan out of the Hurricane stash and sat in my underwear with a box fan blowing on me.

When the Droid got home around 530pm he spent 2.5 hours “looking at” the inside, the outside and the thermostat.  After 2 hours he reached the same conclusion as I did in 2 minutes  The AC is not working.

This morning at 730am the local news alerted us to yet another ” extreme heat warning”.  Which they have done every day for around 6 weeks.  It’s their way of saying,   “hey you guys, it’s like ubber hella hot out there!”

Are you seeing it?  yeah I knew you would, since I have the smartest friends ever.

OBVIOUSLY-  the Mafia ( wars) has disabled our AC in efforts to make our deaths look like an accident ( heat exhaustion), because we were talking to the FEDS ( IRS).

Those dirty rats.

Fortunately they do not know I am not above sitting around in a my bathing suit, snorkeling in my tub, running 5 box fans and sticking frozen peas in my undergarments until winter gets here. Or at least fall.

I am just worried the electronics ( wifi box, TV and laptops)  will become overheated,  so I am currently sewing them appropriately sized  panties so that I can shove frozen peas in them, so they can stay cool too.  I care that much.

 

Stay cool my Peachy friends.

 

xo

 

PEACH OUT

 

Can you solve the Crime of the Century?- Persons of Interest

crimeofthecentury

As you know,  there is a murderer seeking refuge under my roof.    The upside, this gives me a crime to solve.  The downside,  I can’t trust anyone.   I turn to you. Your wisdom, insight and crime fighting super powers.  Can you solve the Crime of the Century?

 

In case you missed it on Monday ( click here) Here are actual crime scene photos ….

 

crime scene photos  CSI, Murder mystery theater

As you can see there was a throw pillow murder.

csi mystery theater murder investigation

Person of Interest #1- Dante, was found at the scene.

crime scene photos  CSI, Murder mystery theater

Crime Scene photos show 2 other persons of interest looking at the scene.

 

Now here are the facts,  put on your investigative face and work on this case!

A 4 year old beige throw pillow was resting gently in the chair of the family room.  Last seen un-murdered at 1230am by Detective Peach.

At 945am  Detective Peach entered the family room to find a murder scene.  Immediately photos were taken and the crime scene was secured.

The throw pill remains were checked for spit, saliva,  drool and prints.  None were found.

Occupants with Access to the Victim were as follows-

 

Myself ( Detective Peach),  The Droid 53 yro adult male,  ThePrince 10yro male, and The Stunt Kid 9 yro male,  Mei  8 yro female black lab,  Loki  4 yro male Dalmation, and Dante 9 yro female feline.

Everyone above had access to the victim and the crime scene and were present in the home during the time frame of the murder.

Fact:  no prints, spit, drool, teeth marks, claw marks, were found.

Fact: no one had any of the victims remains on or near them when I approached the scene.

Alibis-

The Droid and  I ( Detective Peach) were sleeping, and corroborate each others alibis that we were sleeping because we both inadvertently wake each other up when we leave the room, also, we have no motive to murder the beloved throw pillow.

The Prince and The Stunt kid both claim to be sleeping upstairs in the rec room and claim no knowledge of the incident but did assist with crime scene clean up and began speculation as to suspects.  Both have no previous criminal record other than eating the last of the homemade strawberry jam.

Mei-  the 8 yro female black lab has hip problems, and a fair temperament, she has a criminal background due  of misdemeanors to her excessive addiction of hole digging on our property and has been known to feed that addiction multiple times a day,  as if she were Lindsey Lohan without cameras around.   Additional misdemeanor charges are frequent and powerful farts.

Loki- neurotic 4 yro male Dalmatian,  neurotic athletic past, has slowed down since the fracture of a pelvis 2 years ago via a dog -v- car incident.  No loss of mobility, increased neurosis. Extreme attachment with Det. Peach and will growl if anyone hugs or kisses her, leading to misdemeanor charges of stalking and car chasing. He does have 1  felony conviction of actually clawing and eating through the back french doors. ( as visible in the crime scene photos above)

Dante- 9 yo female feline,  horrible attitude and retained legal council and sued Det Peachy during a previous investigation of  computer hacking.  Varied and large misdemeanor background, involving,  Christmas present unwrapping,  Christmas Tree climbing,  multiple attempted thefts of  dinner ( usually involving poultry), and charges of laying on my kitchen counters. Felony convictions include:  attempted murder of the family hamster,  murder of  10 pairs of shoes via cat vandalism ( pissed on my freaking shoes),   and over 35 felony counts with convictions of  feline urination in improper locations.   Strong dislike for authorities.

 

Mei, Loki and Dante have all plead the 5th.  Refusing to speak during repeated interrogations.  Non of the  AOI ( animals of interest)  have shown any remorse and are basically void of all emotions during questioning and when presented with evidence from the scene.    At this time we are not releasing an “official suspect” only  Animals of interest.    Below are former mugshots from previous run ins’ with the law.

MEI the lab is a throw pillow for The Prince

MEI the lab is a throw pillow for The Prince

Loki the Neurotic Dalmatian is always on guard.

Loki the Neurotic Dalmatian is always on guard.

Dante the evil cat ruins everything

Due to previous litigation I am not allowed to really speak freely about Dante. You form your own opinion.

 

So now you have seen the Animals of Interest,  you have their backgrounds, and you have the actual crime scene photos which show all 3 of the AOI.

I anxiously await your therories and questions.   Yes my friends not since the Lindbergh baby kidnapping has there been so many great minds working independently to  solve the-

THE GREAT THROW PILLOW MURDER SCANDAL OF 2011

 

 

Good luck an GodSpeed my fellow Detectives,

PEACH OUT

CSI I’m working here !

crimescene

Ok it’s Moronic Monday but I am ubber late posting and it’s not all the way done.

Why?

Oh because there is an ongoing criminal investigation going on in my house.

 

Yep.

We have 3 unsubs and we are waiting for some DNA back from the labs,  paw prints are being processed and some of the unsubs are breaking under questioning but their stories are matching up.

 

Because I walked into the family room to see THIS

Crime Scene and on going investigation

yep this one will be tricky to solve. Can't go on circumstantial evidence only.

 

As you can see there is a mystery afoot, and as the lead investigator on this case, I will NOT stop until I have convicted the throw pillow serial murderer.

 

I have to go, I just got a anon tip..

 

xo

PEACH OUT

OH man- a joke from my Daddy

jokes from my daddy

A sixty year old man went to a doctor for a check-up. The doctor told him, “You’re in terrific shape. There’s nothing wrong with you. In fact, you might live forever; you have the body of a thirty-five year old. By the way, how old was your father when he died?”

The man responded, “Did I say he was dead?”

The doctor was surprised and asked, “How old is he, and is he very active?”

The man responded, “Well, he’s eighty-two years old, and he still goes skiing three times a year and surfing three times a week during the summer.”

The doctor couldn’t believe it! “Well, how old was your grandfather when he died?”

The man responded again, “Did I say he was dead?”

The doctor was astonished! You mean to tell me that you’re sixty years old, and both your father and your grandfather are still alive? Is your grandfather very active?”

The man responded, “He goes skiing at least once a year and surfing once a week during the summer. Not only that, but my grandfather is 106 years old, and next week he’s getting married again.”

The doctor said, “At 106 years, why would your grandfather want to get married?”

The man responded, “Did I say he wanted to?”

 

 

 

nice….

 

xo

PEACH OUT

Toilet paper-Vampires and birthdays- Moronic Monday

mybirthday_small

What’s up lovely people? It’s here, Monday. No denying it. It’s  basically laughing in our face letting us know it’s going to attempt to fall us like a huge oak tree onto a roof of our local happy spot. It’s our job to punch Monday in the throat/crotch and show it who is boss.  I can’t help physically assist you, but I give you this mental ammo in hopes it will be like Monday butt kicking red bull to help you through your day.

 

Birthdays in my life have always been special.  I remember when I was 14 I stayed up all night ALL night decorating every single roll of toilet paper in the house with magic markers so I could use it as streamers INSIDE the house.  Cooking a huge breakfast of pancakes that would have been better used in skeet shooting then for human consumption.  It was for my moms birthday I wanted her to have a good one, even though her and I never got along, and in my young eyes she certainly wasn’t much of a mother.   But I remembered how my 14th birthday the entire day passed with no one remembering.  I was at my brothers house for the summer and there was nothing,  no cake, no card, no phone call from my mom or dad, just nothing.  That’s how most of my birthdays went.  I had an awesome slumber party one year with friends from Middle School I think that was my 13th birthday I had a huge gorgeous cake and a ton of fun, we just played dress up and sang out of tune to Styx and Donna Summer.  It was great.   It was my only party. Ever.  The rest were just a reminder that I was more of an afterthought or inconvenience.   I thought about it a lot how sad I was and how I rode my bike nearly 4 hours the day of my 14th birthday lonely, and with a face wet from tears of self pity.   Maybe that’s why I worked so hard on my mom’s birthday 6 months later.  To let her know that birthdays are special, and I didn’t forget.  Maybe I was just being evil wanted to show her that I was a much nicer person because even though they had all forgotten my special day, I remembered theirs.  Either way it didn’t garner me another birthday party,  ever.

I grew up moved out and years later I got married and had a children.  I was a young mom, a poor mom, those things don’t always go hand in hand, but in my case, I made a series of bad choices and in the words of my extremely well off grandmother, ” I had made my bed and would lay in it until I pulled  MY self out, not them.”

The next 20 years I made sure on my childrens birthday they always knew it was their special day,  they had parties, sleep overs, costumer parties,  school parties, skate parties, chuck e cheese parties, theme parties, war parties, paint ball parties, silly string parties, water park parties,  pump it up parties.  Always at least 1 cake, always the food of their choice,  and always a big big deal.   You know that entire a parent lives vicariously through her children thing?  Yeah this isn’t it, this is me adoring my kids and not wanting them to be me.

Holidays, anniversaries, birthdays and things like that do not register on my husbands list of things he cares about.  To clarify.  EVERYTHING is superficial and a total waste of time.  No matter how well he knows me and knows that I am indeed shallow, superficial and just a needy narcissistic child in a loud adult body, he will NOT bow to my begging and pleading or heaven forbid pouting.   Honestly the man is void of human emotions.  Hence his name the “Droid”.   I love him, and all these years later I wont trade him in, it’s just him, just like I am just me.   When I see a woman on line or in person literally lose her mind because she isn’t happy with what she got, or the attention she received for an anniversary or special day I slightly giggle, because  I realize that she is the same little princess on the outside I am on the inside, and I hope that she does realize that like a river, a reliable steady flow of love daily,  is much better than a flooding river one day and a drought the rest.

My children however, are so wonderful, they always made me cards, would yell at each other to “behave” on MY special day,  sing to me, hug me and just all around cater to me to the best of the perspective ages would allow.  Once  Sam I am started driving she makes sure the boys get to the store, and that I have a cake.  Since she moved away for college, she always makes sure to be here close to my birthday if not on it and that I am treated like a princess.  By princess I mean someone else loads the dishwasher, and yells at the males to take out the trash and other daily chores.   As she got older she would buy me things which is odd for me.  A parent  to receive a  purchased gift from my child.   My kids are pretty freaking awesome.

All the big ones rolled by,  25, 30, 35, 40 and they just kept rolling,  there really isn’t any need for me to go on, you get the point.

Last year all the bloggy world participated in my birthday present contest and OMG you guys were brilliant, click on this empty space to see->   BIRTHDAY 2010 <- ( since wordpress is dicking with my links) it was lovely and the interwebz provided me an awesome birthday full of male strippers, vodka, and Brendan Fraiser.  I escaped inside my computer and it was so wonderful.

This year unfortunately I have a lot of things going on recently and some very unpleasant real life issues have gotten in the way of  my spending hours on end with you wonderful people on line.  I still think of all of you constantly and when I can pop on, I try to say hi, leave a comment, throw out a tweet just to let you know I am still kicking and love ya.

Imagine my childish narcissistic delight when I found I would be having a party. ME?  A party?  OMG !  If I were physically capable I would be doing the snoopy dance. Still.

I had what can only be described as the closest thing to a perfect day.  My perfect may not be the same perfect as yours, but to me it was amazing.

I woke up and 2 of my 3 kids were here under my roof, and then my Stunt Kid C man was here.  We had planned going out to lunch, it’s something we don’t do often,  and even more rare to have almost everyone there.  Yes there was an empty seat purposely left at the hibachi grill for my dude.   Our stunt kid Cman had never had hibachi before.  The Prince is all in love with sushi and hibachi, so he actually picked the place.   Sam I Am  sat next to the Droid as they were the “bait” side of the table.  I say bait, because I don’t do sushi, raw fish chunks are bait, not human food.

A very peachy birthday lunch !

My awesome family

After dinner Sam I Am headed off to finish moving and took The Prince with her,  Cman went home, and reconnected with his long lost actual family he hasn’t seen all summer.   The Droid and I got dressed up and went to see Gloria,  ok her name isn’t really Gloria, but that’s what my dad calls her, she is one of the rarest and kindest people on the planet.  She had contacted all our old friends.   Katrina really kicked everyones but, and even though it was in 2005, it scattered us all around and lead to real life crap and struggles invading on all of our facetime and funds,   but I can assure you, our group of friends is a mashup of people you would probably never put together in 1 group if you saw us on the street individually which is absolutely the best compliment I can give to our friendships.  We look like a much older version of the breakfast club, but with adult “stereo types” instead of high school ones.  Yet we all know there is nothing we wouldn’t do for each other.  But time, distance and the real world tossed us all around for the last few years.   To see these lovely people, actually brought tears to my eyes, because just being around them, made me feel like me, the old me, and for a few hours on July 30th,  I was comfortable around people that mean so much to me again.

 

friends birthdays and parties

Awesome friends !

The next morning I woke up  I logged on to facebook and twitter and was simply blown away.  I hadn’t mentioned it but I guess that facebook reminder thing pays off, because  people I went to 3rd grade with,  7th grade, high school, former co workers, friends from afar and friends I have made online had taken time to wish ME  Happy Birthday.  I made sure to go back and thank each person,  because honestly it really meant so much.

I finally had my magic markered toilet paper birthday that the little 14 year old in me always wanted.

toilet paper hearts and decorations

For that,  I can’t thank you all enough.

 

xo

PEACH OUT

(* THERE WERE THESE SUPER WEIRD ZOMBIE, ALIEN, VAMPIRES AT THE HIBACHI RESTAURANT,  THE’RE KIND OF CUTE HUH?)

birthday zombie alien vampires

zombie, alien vampires, ahh that's the best kind !

 

 

 

 

Coffee and Testicles

jokes from my daddy

And now I give to you another great joke from my Daddy.

 

 

 

Subject: Coffee and Testicles at the US Post Office

 

 

Coffee and Testicles at the US Post Office

A Gentleman goes to the Post Office to apply for a job.

The interviewer asks him, “Are you allergic to anything?”

He replies, “Yes, caffeine. I can’t drink coffee.”

“Ok, Have you ever been in the military service?”

“Yes,” he says, “I was in Iraq for one tour.”

The interviewer says, “That will give you 5 extra points toward
employment.” Then he asks, “Are you disabled in any way?”

The guy says, “Yes. A bomb exploded near me and I lost both my
testicles.”

The interviewer grimaces and then says, “Okay. You’ve got enough points
for me to hire you immediately. Our normal hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00
PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 am.  Plan on starting at 10:00 am
every day.”

The Gentleman is puzzled and asks, “If the work hours are from 8:00 am to 4:00
PM, why don’t you want me here until 10:00 am?”

This is a U.S. Government job , the interviewer reply’s.

For the first two hours, the guys just stand around drinking coffee and scratching their balls.
No point in coming in for that.”

 

Bada Bing…

Thanks Daddy,

 

 

You guys go out and kick ass today !

xo

PEACH OUT

 

Moronic Monday- LANDSHARK

landshark

So it’s Monday.  The normal deal is that I  share with you a story of what a giant moron I am so that you can gauge your Monday  by that and consider it a success.  I like to think life is graded on a curve.  I am willing to take a hit for the team, the one to help skew the scores so that you can all be loaded for bear to fight this dirty wench that is Monday.

Let’s just start with I love you, and I must start this post with a huge big fat honking dripping with sincere apology.  I have missed you guys so much it’s hard to type out words to express it.  But I started this blog to prove that no matter what was wrong, or going on, you could see the peachy side of life.  Along the way I made some great friends,  I have had my heart torn when I know you are hurting and I have had to honor to in some small way hopefully help one or 2 people.

Lately I have been under some strange barrage of insane bad luck gris gris.  I try to bring the funny, and a smile and show you what an incredible fruit loop I am.

 

The truth is, for some reason the past few weeks every turn is a new road block.  Now I am not in anyway opposed to roadblocks or speed bumps.   They are part of life.  But lately it seems I am not even over the first bump when another comes and hits me.

If you have ever swam in the ocean, you probably know this feeling.  Wow this wave is big, I can handle it, come up breath, ” oh look another”.  Then a mouth full of salt water and you are thinking these waves need to slow down because you just need a second to clear your lungs and grab a deep breath, but they keep coming.

I am sure I will make it to shore.  Even if I have to swim parallel to it for a while, like some crazy rip tide has me.  I can do this.  In fact I have been known as the “I can” and ” solver” and “survivor” and “go to girl”  all my life.   I have taken great pride in the fact I am a warrior, and I keep my humor about me.

I have broad shoulders, and can handle nearly anything, I just need to catch a breath between the waves.   I am sure one day I will have great and funny posts about heart attacks,  and MRI’s and seizures, and crazy brain disorders, and battling the IRS and all the crazy waves smashing me right now.  When my house burned to the ground, it was funny that day,  when the hurricanes made us homeless, it wasn’t funny that day,  when my cars break down, it’s usually not funny that moment.   In the end.  There is something to learn from each experience we go through,  right now, I have to catch my breath, and when I have time, I will look back and find a humorous spin on all of it.  That’s what I do, how I get by, the way I  ”deal”.

On the upside, I find something very therapeutic about the ocean, the rhythmic crashing of the waves,  the smiling kids making sand castles and burring each other, the families and friends with smiles who carried way too much crap to the beach and are just trying to figure out how to get the sand out of their butt cracks.   So if I have to be somewhere mentally,  the ocean is a pretty great place to be.  ( as long as guys in banana hammocks with body hair sweaters aren’t around, because that makes me all barfy)

Until the next time,  know I love you, know I have faith in you and your abilities, and know that you have a billion opportunities a day to smile, laugh and Be Peachy…   If you’re in the ocean right now too, just know that we only need to swim faster than the fat kid in the event of a shark attack.

 

XO

PEACH OUT

The Phone Call

the phone call

Rrriiiiinnnnggg, rrriiiinnnngg,

 

 

 

‘Hello?’

 



‘Hi honey.

This is Daddy.
Is Mommy near the phone?’


‘No, Daddy.
She’s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul.’




After a brief pause,




Daddy says,


‘But honey, you haven’t got an Uncle Paul.’


‘Oh yes I do, and he’s upstairs in the room with Mommy,
right now..’




Brief Pause.




‘Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do.
Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs
And knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy
That Daddy’s car just pulled into the driveway.’





‘Okay, Daddy, Just a minute.’




A few minutes later
The little girl comes back to the phone.




‘I did it, Daddy.’



‘And what happened, honey?’



‘Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming.


Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser
And now she isn’t moving at all!’




‘Oh my God!!!  What about your Uncle Paul?’


‘He jumped out of the bed with no clothes on, too..


He was all scared and he jumped out of the back window
And into the swimming pool.
But I guess he didn’t know that you took out the water
Last week to clean it.


He hit the bottom of the pool and I think he’s dead.’




Long Pause



Longer Pause



Even Longer Pause




Then Daddy says,




‘Swimming pool?  ………..




Is this 555-5731?’


No, I think you have the wrong number……..

 

 

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